Kevin Smith credited as playing...
Silent Bob
- Jay: What are you trying to say? Just say it already.
- Silent Bob: [screams] THE SIGN on the back of the car said "Critters Of HOLLYWOOD", YOU DUMB FUCK!
- Jay: Say it, don't spray it.
- Banky: Stop the movie? Are you crazy?
- Jay: All these assholes on the Internet are callin' us names because of this fuckin' stupid movie.
- Banky: That's what the Internet's for, slandering others anonymously! Stopping the flick isn't gonna stop that!
- Jay: This isn't fair! We came to Hollywood, I fell in love. Fuckin' we stole a monkey, we got shot at, and I got punched in the motherfuckin' nuts by a guy named Cockknocker!
- Banky: You know what? I feel for you boys, I really do. But Miramax - you know, Miramax Films - paid me a shitload of money for "Bluntman and Chronic." So it occurs to me that people badmouthing you on some website is NONE OF MY FUCKING CONCERN!
- Silent Bob: Oh, but I think it is. We had a deal with you on the comics, remember? For likeness rights? And as we're not only the artistic basis, but also obviously the character basis for your intellectual property, "Bluntman and Chronic," when said property was optioned by Miramax Films, you were legally obliged to secure our permission to transfer the concept to another medium. As you failed to do that, Banky, you are in breach of the original contract. Ergo, you find yourself in a VERY actionable position.
- [Banky stares at Silent Bob in disbelief]
- Jay: Yeah.
- Banky: You guys are gonna ruin my movie career.
- Jay: Well, we want somethin' for our mental anguish.
- Banky: Tell you what: let's settle this monetarily. I'll give you half of what I make.
- [Silent Bob's eyes widen in surprise]
- Jay: [eagerly] Half?
- Banky: Half's not enough? Fine, I'll give you two-thirds of what I make.
- Jay: Fuck you, you already said half. You can't take it back.
- [Silent Bob rolls his eyes]
- Banky: Done.
- [they smile and shake hands as Silent Bob shakes his head]
- [about Jay]
- Banky: Your friend's a fucking clown shoe, you know that?
- Silent Bob: You know, after about five movies, I'm starting to realize that.
- Jay: [the monkey has been put into a car] Man, who the fuck steals monkeys?
- Silent Bob: [Points to Jay and himself]
- Jay: Oh yeah...