- Bunny: Theresa doesn't look a day older. How does she keep her youth?
- Inez: I keep mine in the guest room.
- Ed: I knew Stanley Stanley when he was Marvin Marvin. The only thing he ever gave anybody free was the finger.
- Inez: What do you have on him, Dottie? How'd you get the Caddie?
- Dottie: Just asked him.
- Inez: Keep your secrets. I got my own.
- Ed: You ever hear of sex appeal?
- Inez: I gave already.
- Bunny: Dottie has lady fluid. You never freeze in her house. We have a choice between an old folks home and an igloo.
- Ed: I'll get you some warm clothes tomorrow, Muffin.
- Bunny: Don't call me Muffin, you know I hate Muffin. I'm going to be sixty years old on Easter Sunday and people still call me Bunny. I made Ed sign an affidavit he won't put Bunny on my gravestone.
- Ed: Sure thing, cupcake.
- Dottie: I think it's sweet that Ed has pet names for you.
- Inez: Good thing I'm not diabetic with all the sweetness floating around this joint.
- Inez: I can't believe I'm sitting here in Buffalo. The only town where you can have a good time without enjoying yourself.
- Ed: Did it ever dawn on any of you that there was something queer about that dough?
- Inez: Dawned on me.
- Dottie: What do you mean?
- Ed: The cops didn't cordon off the neighborhood. They didn't pound on our doors and give us 24 hours to turn it in or charge us with theft. That was a lot of dough, and nobody ever came after it.
- Helen: Well, if they show up now, they're thirty years late and thirty three hundred dollars short.
- Inez: Double that. Every cent I got is tied up in "Ace Dealers School", the best dealers' school in Winnemucca.
- Ed: How many dealers' schools in Winnemucca?
- Inez: I've cornered the market.
- Helen: Aren't you two forgetting a little something?
- Rita: Please, Ma, just keep Ramona for a little while. This is our chance for the bigtime. You know how good we are.
- Helen: Good for nothing is what you are. You gave up your chance for the big time when you got in the back seat with Mr. Hotblood Italian, can't control himself. Why couldn't you have dated some nice Irish boy...
- Rita: Like the nice Irish boy who knocked you up and took off...
- Helen: I wanted more for you!
- Rosalie: You have to give the money back.
- Tony: Momma, I am not giving it back!
- Dottie: I could go to beauty school.
- Bake: Weck. Kummelweck. You can only get it in Buffalo. Maybe Warsaw. You know that. You grew up here.
- Inez: Must have blocked it out... Mmm, Salt Lake City.
- Bake: You ever been married?
- Inez: Once or twice, I forget...
- Bake: What if the person of your dreams came along and turned out to be a crook?
- Inez: What kind of crook?
- Bake: That's the 64 dollar question. You always wear glasses?
- Inez: Not when I was born.
- Dottie: I just... always thought I'd get married. You know, someone to share the little things with... It surprises me that it never happened.
- Rita: Oh God, Dot. We were so naive. I thought if I could dance and marry Tony, everything would be happy ever after. And now Ramona's always mad at me, my Ma's always mad at me. And Tony. We've got this last chance and Tony's lost heart - Oh my God, I never said that. He thinks we can win, I'm sure of it...
- Helen: "Grannies In Need"?
- Bunny: Whether you sell a raffle ticket or not, you ask for a donation. At the end of the day, you dump out the can and buy yourself raffle tickets.
- Helen: Isn't that stealing?
- Bunny: Are you a Granny? Are you in need of raffle tickets? If you made more of an effort to keep up, Helen, you'd know it's called Creative Accounting.
- Helen: Stay away from that big lug. He's been here for years. That's Two-Digit Doyle.
- Two-Digit Doyle: I wasn't always like this. I used to be Five-Digit Doyle!