Da Hip Hop Witch (2000 Video) User Reviews

Worst movie ever.

[CokeCola · 1/10 · 30 July 2003]

I've seen Manos: The Hands of Fate, and this movie has managed to defeat it in terms of sheer level of torture. The movie has no interesting dialog, no tolerable acting, and no plot to speak of.

On the upside, it does have a great many R&B artists. On the downside, seeing this movie will likely void any respect you had for them as they mindlessly ramble off about an urban Blair Witch parody. Eminem is entertaining (though redundant), so fans might want fast forward to his segments, should they find the movie lying in a gutter somewhere (a likely situation).

If there were a brick near my entertainment center, I would have attempted to beat myself into a coma to escape the grueling pain. I would award this movie 0 stars if it were an option, but instead this gets a very reluctant 1. Watch only if want a small personal hell in your living room.

Nosedives below a low, low line

[plantostickthat · 1/10 · 27 December 2003]

I always thought that there was a line which filmmakers would not go below, as far as 'star power' movies go. Movies which rely on the fame of their lead actor/role as the main drawcard are rarely any good, but I always thought that there was a certain level of competence to them all. I've seen Vanilla Ice spout 'drop dat zero and get wit da hero' in 'Cool as Ice', and it was not pretty. I've seen Britney Spears recite poetry from her personal book in Crossroads, and that was not good either. And I've seen Hulk Hogan dressing up in a ballerina costume for 'Mr. Nanny' and that needs no comment. But all of these movies managed to maintain a certain level of competence. Granted, it was not a high one, but it was still there. And Da hip hop witch was the first movie I've ever seen which stooped below that line.

To try to give an outline of this movie (movie is a loose term as there is no story), it's necessary to first try to understand how it came about, otherwise an explanation of this mess of scenes would be incomprehensible. I can see numerous ways, but the most likely is that the director/writer is a friend of eminem, and came up with the idea of the hip hop witch as a take off. He probably took up a few minutes of eminem's time, and got him to speak about some hip hop witch, and then I'm guessing the idea grew from there, and he asked various rappers to comment on it. After a while he would have had a good 30 minutes of comments by rappers, some very famous, about the 'hip hop witch', and he figured that knocking together some half plot and releasing the 'star studded' film would mean instant success. This is only an hypothesis, but would explain what we have here.

And what do we have here? The answer is.A complete mess. We have eminem who is obviously improvising his entire speech, the thing would probably go on for a good 20 minutes and he continues to repeat his lines as he thinks of the next thing to say, changing his story as he goes along. The other rappers are no better, for people who are or were 'scared to death by the witch' they seem to find the whole thing remarkably funny, they laugh while describing their 'horrible near death experiences'. Most of the rappers feature fleetingly, ja rule would only be on screen for 30 seconds but is credited as the second lead actor, which was obviously for the 'star power' motive.

And then we have the other part of the movie, which fills it in making it a 'releasable' 80 minutes. We have the 5 kids who hear about the witch and go to jersey (I think) to hunt her down, we have a reporter who wants to dig up information about the hip hop witch, and we have the record producer who is secretly faking the whole hip hop witch thing while noone realises. These characters are all arbitrary and serve only to fill in time, we are treated to a long and pointless scene where the reporter argues about a promotion, another scene where she hides papers in the photocopy room, and then these groups start interacting to waste even more time. Then, we are informed the 'street don' has been killed, which I'm sure is terrible news, but it would be sadder if we knew who he was. This time wasting continues in this roundabout fashion which I find probably the most frustrating aspect of any movie, especially in an era when most filmmakers are unable to shorten their films below 2 hours. Just about the only interaction we do not see is anyone mentioned in this paragraph with any of the rappers. We see a reporter standing outside a door, saying 'we are outside shady studios, where eminem has locked himself inside for fear of the witch, allowing in only our cameraman', which just goes to show that he had no interest in making a good film or spending any time shooting. The rest of the rappers are exactly the same, only ever seen on camera giving conflicting evidence, never seen talking to anyone. This just further goes towards proving the hypothesis.

But the hypothesis really doesn't matter. What matters is that this is a terrible movie. The camerawork is awful, perhaps as they were aiming to imitate the blair witch project, but in that movie the camerawork was believably bad, in this the cameramen run circles and do gymnastics around the target, seemingly aiming to induce migrains. The acting is bad by the 'cast' and unspeakable by the rappers, who obviously do not care at all. The plot is non existent, the dialogue terrible, basically any aspect of filmmaking here either does not exist or is so bad it's not worth mentioning. One does begin to feel sorry for eminem as one can see that he was just joking during his 'performance', and had no idea that it would end up in this form. It's the nerve of whoever released this that really disgusts me, stooping to a level so low to make money based on eminem's face. Watching this film just really feels wrong, like it is so bad that it never should have been released. I do hope, and pray that nothing this bad will ever be made again, and can only recommend that noone waste their time on this plotless rubbish, unless they want to see a group of rappers improvising a string of 4 letter words. Disgraceful.

My brain hurts

[LordBling · 1/10 · 3 April 2003]

After watching this 'movie,' my brain hurts. If you attempt to watch it, you're taking your sanity into your own hands. It was shot on video, probably with a Sears beta-max recorder bought at a garage sale. It was 'edited' as if someone put the footage into a blender. It has ad-libbed 'performances,' including Eminem saying over and over again about how the witch putting her finger in his a$$, and Vanilla Ice looking like he wishes he could get cast in another Ninja Turtles movie. And yes, that IS Vanilla Ice. How's THAT for street cred? And it JUST WON'T END!!! It keeps going ON and ON and ON!!!!!

I had to watch this for my job, and I am seeking hazard pay from my employers. This could possibly be the worst film I've ever seen, and yes, I have seen Powder AND The Crow: City of Angels. I would've given this the rating it deserved, but IMDB won't let you give a 0.01 out of 10.

The Worst Movie Ever?

[bumstead-killah · 1/10 · 1 January 2001]

Da Hip Hop Witch may just be the single worst movie in history. This movie doesn't have even one person who can act in the least. I have been a fan of hip-hop since I was 10 years old & I'm a fan of many of the artists in this movie but after this I won't ever look at them in the same way again. The camera work sucked, the sound sucked, the story sucked, the editing sucked, the acting sucked and most of all this movie sucked.

Quite Possibly the Worst Movie Ever Made

[Michael_Elliott · 13 February 2013]

Da Hip Hop Witch (2000)

BOMB (out of 4)

Incredibly awful and rather pathetic "movie" about five idiot white people who go into the ghetto to look for the title creature. This witch just happens to stalks various rap artists so the white kids try to get famous by looking for her. This parody (?) of THE BLAIR WITCH PROJECT is beyond awful in every way imaginable. The screenplay is awful. The acting is awful. The direction is awful. The entire intent of this thing is awful and for the life of me I can't understand what writer-director Dale Resteghini was trying to do other than get idiots like me to watch this film. What we've basically got is a bunch of scenes that make no sense thrown together and the "highlight" is seeing various hip hop artists talk about their encounter with the witch or stories they've heard about the witch. These include Eminem talking about how the witch tried to stick her butter finger up his butt. Really? Was this meant to be funny? Were we supposed to take this serious? Mobb Deep, Rah Digga, Pras, Killah Priest, Ja Rule and Vanilla Ice also show up. There's no question that this film wasn't made to try and win an Oscar but at the same time you'd hope for at least some cheap entertainment or fun. This movie really offers neither and it actually gets worse as it goes along. It's just mind-blowing that the director would make a film like this but, again, I'm sure it was for money. Even then, was there a reason for this to clock in at 90-minutes? The entire film looks incredibly cheap and from what I've read the director just pretty much showed up at the various artists' locations, threw them some money and then had them talk. It's clear none of them knew what the heck was going on as their stories just drag on and there's no point to any of them. DA HIP HOP WITCH is a complete piece of junk that probably ranks as the very worse I've ever seen. I at least can't think of another movie where less effort was done.

It Leaps from the TV and Kills Your Soul

[georgebobolink · 1/10 · 24 June 2004]

Da Hip Hop Witch is quite an achievement in modern film making. Not only was it *not* released by New Concorde, it manages to make every movie I've ever seen that much better. You know how it is. You'll find yourself watching a crappy German movie with a dog taking a crap on a boat while some orchestral score rises in the background, and you'll turn to your friend, chuckle, and say, "Hey, at least it ain't Da Hip Hop Witch!"

I remember liking Vanilla Ice at one point. His goofy haircut, his sincere devotion to being on the streets... no more. He produced this movie. He is the core of this thing's existence. If ever there is a tribunal for crimes against humanity relating to film production, he should be the prime suspect.

As a side note, immediately after viewing, which killed every sense of joy I'd ever experienced in my life, I took the tape out of the VCR, opened the cover, and cut it. I suggest you cut the tape as a first step if you really want to see the best this movie has to offer.

Worse than you can imagine...

[whammy666 · 1/10 · 21 May 2008]

Clearly, this is one of the worst films ever made. I remember seeing the trailer, and thinking it looked funny. I'd wanted to see it for years. Weeks ago, I found the DVD at Price Chopper for 3 bucks. I decided to get it, and wish I hadn't. This has the most lame attempts at humor I have ever seen. And the f bomb is dropped abut 30 times each minute. The plot is non existent...there is no plat. Most of the film is just annoying rappers talking about their encounters with Da Hip Hop Witch. Eminem is in it, and I hear that he wanted to have copies of this movie erased after he actually became famous. Not sure if it is true, but it wouldn't surprise me. This movie is totally painful. I hated it. I regret buying it, and I regret it deeply. I know this movie looks kind of funny, and me saying it is so bad will want to make you see it more...but it's not worth it. Trust me.

God please kill Vanilla Ice

[adam313107 · 1/10 · 23 November 2010]

My wife and I just watched this. After watching it we both felt this impending sense of doom. You know how some movies you can watch and it makes you feel good? well this isn't that movie. It isn't the worst movie this year it's the worst movie ever put onto a film. The storyline sucked, the music sucked, the acting was so abysmal I can only compare it to a cheap porno minus the breasts. I remember where I was when Lennon was killed, where I was when 911 occurred, sadly I will remember the night that I watched this catastrophe as well. The best comparison that I can make is...Garth from Waynes world with his hair stuck in a flowbee screaming that he was losing his will to live.

And lets be honest here...the only way that Vanilla Ice is going to scare anyone is if he starts trying to rap again. As for Mister Eminem? Don't quit your day job because I have seen better acting in infomercials. The combined I.Q'S of the entire cast couldn't add up to more than a lone Mensa member. I am actually embarrassed that they managed to dupe me into seeing this film. Giving us a refund simply wont suffice. I could get a refund, gas money, wear and tear on my vehicle for its trip to the video store, a gigantic tub of popcorn, twizzlers, heck even an elephant ear...it STILL couldn't remove the emotional scarring that we both have after seeing this.

My recommendation to anyone that has seen this is...1-800-CALLSAM. Personal injury attorneys.

Pretty much the worst movie I've seen... Wait! I lied. It IS the worst...

[Ogrrr · 1/10 · 23 December 2005]

I'm sorry, but this was truly bad. Any movie has some merits, either it's a bit artsy, with nice angles and colors and characters, or it's so bad it's funny (read Schwarzeneggers movies), or it's a touching story, or it's at least something. This movie was really nothing. It's pretty much the worst movie I've ever seen. No, wait! I lied. It IS the worst movie I've ever seen, and I've seen a lot of bad movies.

Stay away from this, unless your prepared for something spectacularly bad, so bad it ain't even funny anymore.

I have to admit, the names got me kinda excited before I saw it, and the idea seemed fun. But don't let that fool you!

Yo this movie is so tizght!!!!!!!!!

[MrBananas41 · 1/10 · 6 July 2002]

This movie is so sweet, I cant even tell you son! A well developed plot, the hottest hip hop stars, and crazy scurry. Dont watch this movie at night less you be with a gang of peeps. The twist wit the bike ridin fool is nuts. how this flick only be gettin a 1.5? I gave the piece a 10 for real. This is a for real mixture of moonwalker, blair witch project, halloween, and boyz in the hood. da witch be tryin to do the illyest to eminem. That white man be buggin too. This be the best flick since glitter and I have been rappin at all of my homies to watch this!!!!!!! The ending is the biggest surprise ever yo. Fell me, I'm out. And I hopin there be being a sekuel to dis mastapiece. ICE ICE BABY IZ YO DESTINY!!!!

do you care who iz da hip hop witch?

[mackers0 · 1/10 · 12 January 2003]

Easily the worst movie I've ever seen. This barely-there Blair Witch parody involves (1) a gruesome "hip hop witch" who scares rappers like Eminem, Vanilla Ice, and Pras, and lesser-knowns like Youngbloodz, (2) multi-platinum record sales for these same rappers (yes, apparently, even now the Youngbloodz have sold 4 million), and (3) a snoopy woman who works for some kind of magazine who suspects there is more to this "story" than meets the eye. Watching this movie is like watching a video on BET Uncut. You can't stop laughing, and it starts to hurt your eyes because the camera guy can't hold steady. I need to also mention the 5 freakish white kids (a stoner, a raver girl, a jock, and 2 idiots) who go off in search of this witch. Worse yet -- the witch lives in Jersey! Way to represent! And if that isn't enough, when the final scene reveals exact who or what da witch is, you will throw up out of disgust. Honestly, I don't know whether to recommend Da Hip Hop Witch because it is one of the worst ever made and you should see it for that reason alone, or if you're just a hip-hop fan and you're curious about the acting skills of all of the above and then some. I mean, does anyone else rememember Cool As Ice?

A cinematic landmark

[The_Sensitive_One · 10/10 · 24 December 2002]

I was stunned by the xellence of this master work. (Like my spelin, foo?) Eminem must surely be the most outstanding, powerful, and gifted actor of the suburban white boy rapper generation. Aside from being a respected scholar in several fields, Em is one dopeass mofo. If you don't take my word for it ask Ja Rule who shines on screen as brightly as any celestial body in the night sky. DA HIP HOP WITCH speaks for itself - stunning, emotional, frightening, the viewer is taken to a new heightened level of self-awareness. Now that I own this little gem on DVD I plan to trash the lesser cinematic acheivements in my DVD collection such as GIANT, GONE WITH THE WIND, THE GRAPES OF WRATH, THE GODFATHER and LAWRENCE OF ARABIA. DA HIP HOP WITCH just blows competitors out of the water and no person is complete without having viewed it at least seven times.

Rent it before you buy it.

[Oarie · 7/10 · 3 November 2000]

Worth seeing once, but because I had high expectations of it, I went out and bought it before seeing it. Fortunately it was only $10 on DVD. Worth seeing for the great stars in the cast such as Vanilla Ice, Eminem, Ja Rule, and the guy who says the thing about the cell phone radiation.

Don't see it, don't give it a second thought

[hurricanepictures426 · 1/10 · 13 September 2005]

I hated this movie. In fact, hate is too weak of a word to describe the sheer misery i have had inflicted on me.

I'll admit it, I could not watch the whole thing. I gave it thirty-five minutes and knew it wasn't going to improve.

Do not see this movie, even if someone dares you, do not take the dare.

For vanilla ice's career, this film is a low point(And that says a lot, remember he did Cool as Ice). Actually this maybe one of the few films that is worse then Cool as Ice but i might be going too far.

1 is too high a rating. I wish i could give this negative numbers. And even then i'm not sure how big of a negative number would really be appropriate. Let's say -25.

This should be used by us to torture terrorist we are holding in Cuba. They will certainly crack if only to stop Da hip hop witch.

Please, don't see it, don't even joke about seeing it.

Crap - Pure and simple...

[ex18bravo · 21 October 2002]

I was forced to watch this by a friend after loosing a bet. The whole time I was thinking - please Lord take me home.... A brain haemorrhage would be a welcome escape - but no, we watched the entire film. The only reason to watch this crap is if you actually like the music being blasted out of the souped up honda civic ( you know the one - lime green with neon lights, 17" wheels, and tinted windows ) that cruises the mall parking lot on Friday night...

A decent spoof of The Blair Witch Project

[TBJCSKCNRRQTreviews · 5/10 · 13 July 2004]

When reviewing this film, it's hard not to be at least a little biased; there are people who love some of the hip-hop/rap artists in this film, and hate the rest, there are some who hate all of them(and the entire rap music genre), and then there are the few who love all of them(I guess, though I've never met anyone who loved all of them, especially since many of them hate each other). Let me say right now: I hate Vanilla Ice and Ja Rule, I have an enormous amount of respect and love for Eminem and his music, and most of the rest of these artists I am indifferent to(several of them I don't even know).

I did indeed want to see this film because I knew Eminem was in it, though not as much for his talent or my being a fan of his, as simply the fact that I knew that he can be incredibly funny, as I've seen a lot of interviews with him, and he also played a great funny character in The Wash with Dr. Dre and Snoop Dogg. And let me tell you right away, if you like Eminem's warped, funny sense of humor that we often see in interviews, you will like his performance in this film. He can really convince you that he believes what he's saying is true, no matter how bizarre it sounds. Many of the other rappers give half-decent witness statements, though a few were very bad and just took up screen time. Worst was probably Ja Rule and Vanilla Ice, in my opinion, but then again, that might just be because I hate them.

The "main characters" of the film have unbelievably little screen time, actually, and are probably only there to make fun of the original group of morons from the original Blair Witch film. They only have one really funny scene, and then a scene at the end that obviously makes fun of a similar scene in the original Blair Witch, and apart from those two, I'd guess they have two or three other scenes, that might have one or two good jokes in total, while the rest, like several other things in this film, merely take up screen time. What's funny about this film is, even though there seemed to be so many low points and pointless scenes, I never really felt like turning it off, or leaving the room to do something more fulfilling, like I seriously considered with the original Blair Witch film. Maybe it was just to see the next hilarious Eminem sequence, but something definitely kept me glued to my seat throughout the entire runtime.

A lot of the jokes in the film are based on what the viewer knows about hip-hop and ghettos, not to mention black slang, which definitely limits the audience of the film, though I would say that the title can't throw too many people off. This is a spoof of The Blair Witch Project, that revolves around various hip-hop stars. The plot is fairly incoherent and all over the place, though I think that's the point. Don't expect some huge plot twist or to be told a great story. It's basically some hip-hop artists making fun of the basic premise of the film, a witch hunting hip-hop artists. The acting is hard to comment on, I wonder if it's supposed to look as lame and bad as it does, which I'm pretty sure that it is. The characters are also all over the place, with only a few of them being part of the actual story(apart from, of course, the hip-hop artists themselves), and even fewer of them have enough screen time for us to actually recognize them, in the next scene they're in(but maybe that's just me).

All in all, a decent film if you're a fan of hip-hop and you just want to have a good laugh that's mostly on The Blair Witch Project's expense, but not something I would recommend too many people to watch, as many will hate it(It appears that most who've seen it already do). I recommend it to *huge* fans of one or more of the hip-hop artists, or just people who'll go to great lengths to laugh at and mock The Blair Witch Project. Not something you want to spend too much money on(I got it as a gift, thankfully). 5/10

Great Musicians - Horrible Movie

[mw-dnb · 1/10 · 3 October 2003]

I actually own this film on VHS. Purchased it out of the blue for $9.99 at blockbuster. I should have used that $9.99 on gas and a chicken biscuit from the gas station.

The movie starts off with all the great things to make a horrible movie. Lame charecters who try and act like they are part of a sub-genre of life. The raver being the best. Pink Hair? Hello pink hair is something ravers who rub vicks on their face wear. Then they move into the 'hip-hop' witch and discovering 'who's behind it'. It turns out that some rap label or promoter is 'secretly' creating media stir to sell more copys of his artists. (That is the only thing in this movie that is close to reality.)

The only actor that remotely did a good job was the lady acting as the office clerk/reporter. It's sad she had to waste her time on such a crappy film. Eminem is in this movie, not with the 5 'white' kids - who take note - steal a Ford Mustang and don't get caught - with 5 of them riding in it. Eminem - outside of his crappy music, is an even crappier actor. 8 mile got attention cause he gets to act like a real rapper. That aside - unless your some fanboy of eminem, mobb deep, killa priest or any of the other people in this movie - don't rent it, DON'T BUY IT, and most of all don't read about it!

Beware the hip-hop witch could cause death - death by boredom.

Ed Wood, move over. THIS is how you make the worst movie of all time.

[dudebec · 1/10 · 3 March 2006]

Synopsis: oh man lets get every rapper and do a blair witch spin-off. ITS GENIUS! oh wait, no. No it is just horrible. There are about 20 different plot lines, all of which illogical and are all over the place, interweaving. You will feel dumber after having watched this. Eminem can be funny at times, I GUESS. Enough at least for me to give the movie a 1/10 with confidence.

seriously, this is the worst movie you will ever see, I'm pretty confident in saying that. I have a collection of over 100 dvds, that range from imports, cult classics, Hollywood blockbusters, and the 5 dollar bin at walmart and this is by far the worst one i have. Compared to it, Starship Troopers 2 looks like it should have been nominated for an Academy Award. Don't avoid it. If you see it, buy it and then burn it. Its like the Ring, don't let it spread.

SPOILER!!!! wait why did vanilla ice try to stick his fingers up eminem's butt? Anyone piece that together?

one redeeming feature: an easy-on-the-eye actress

[HollywoodenDOTcom · 1/10 · 23 January 2003]

A truly terrible movie. Rap with a capital C. Eminem-tly missable.

There is but one redeeming feature, a very good-looking actress by the name of Amy Dorris who looks like a great candidate for Miss Sweden, had she not been American, of course...

It's a pity that beautiful young actresses like this are forced to accept roles in worthless efforts like this in an attempt to gain exposure, but hey, that's Hollywood for you. It would be nice to see Amy Dorris in a much better movie than this in future.

The Worst Movie Ever Made

[hallrvdrul1 · 1/10 · 26 December 2000]

I have seen some bad movies in my life but this movie was by far the worst. The Blair Witch Project was 1,000 times better than this movie and I hated the Blair Witch Project. For 90 minutes rappers are talking about a Witch that attacked them. They are not even acting. I saw this movie because Eminem was in it and was very disappointed to see that he was only in the movie for 4 minutes.

Brilliant Satire

[Illsmokeyain2secondsflat · 8/10 · 30 May 2003]

Ja Rule, what more do you need to say? Hes the greatest thespian of this or any other time. This movie scared me to death. Every night I experience traumatic night terrors of da hip hop witch coming to kill me. This movie is not for the squeamish, but those willing to experience a masterful working of horror will undergo a rollercoaster ride of adrenaline.

sorta kinda worth it

[buffylover1985 · 6 July 2003]

If you are going to watch this movie put it in fast forward and then everytime you see Eminem press play as he is the only thing worth watching in the whole movie. He is saying a story that is quite incoherant but quite hilarious. If you had any doubts that Enimem was screwed up this will clear everything up.

UNBELIEVABLE!!!

[mavrik-2 · 10/10 · 4 January 2001]

I can't believe...I mean at all...that these producers made this flick for a mere twenty thou. How the hell did yall do it? I mean the beats was hot, the MC's was all ill. Em was funny as hell. The white kids story was bugged....this had me and my lady on the floor laughing so much we actually bought ten DVD's to give out to our fam. This was hot....forget the hate plays out there.....!!!

Good for a Laugh =)

[ellerire · 3 July 2001]

Granted it is not the most sophisticated, or high budget movie out there, but it did do what many movies today fail to do, it entertained! I rented it, and I'd see it again because I thought that it was smartly done, with all the sarcasm that could be packed in. Bottom Line: It was entertaining! =)

Spaghetti Hip Hop Anyone!

[mavrik-2 · 10/10 · 31 August 2002]

Ayo seriously. Anyone haten on this genius film needs to stop. Handz down this white dude made a film with todays biggest artists on the planet in Eminem and Ja Rule and sold it. He won, so all the haten ain't stoppn' his role cause I just read in XXL that he finished another film that's comen' out on Nov 31st with Cita from Cita's World. La La from MTV , Guru, Capone and other headz...it's called Urban Massacre and the review said dude staright killed it!

None of us could have ever done it so yall need to check yourself and pay your respects to dude period cause he's gonna be around for the next 30 to 40 years and making them Hollywood budget joints!