Slackers (2002)

Jason Schwartzman: Ethan Dulles

Photos 

Quotes 

• Freakin' Hobo : I'm not gonna eat that shit, you fuckin' retard.

  Ethan : No one calls me a retard, ya FREAKIN' HOBO!

• Ethan : [singing]  I love you but, I hate you, which brings to mind, how much I love you. We could have worked this out you know, in a little room, in a little locked room. I'm sorry you had to settle for Dave, the one-dimensional man. He's filed under "Cocksucker" in my little black book. Sweetness can rot your teeth. Bittersweet, cacophony. But you hold the key, you hold the key, to my little locked room. You hold the key, you hold the key, to my little locked whoa-ooh-oh-oh. Please let... me... out soon. I luh you.

• Ethan : [singing]  I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I'm the kind of guy who will, not insist that you go on the Pi-ill, I'm cool with splitting the bi-ill, and I'll kill who you want me to KILL! And you can smack my bottom, I don't got no condoms, we've got a lot in common, you and me. Don't you see, don't you see, d-d-d-d-don't you see, my heart is bea-beat-ing, t-t-ting, t-t-t-t-t-t-t-OH! Angela! Oh how I need you so. Cause your eyes are like two shining blue rockets in the night, come to take me away, come abduct me, or maybe you won't, and you'll wake up when I cry, and don't let me hurt you, just by accident, I probably won't, but just in case I do, maybe - AH! Fudge.

• Ethan : They call me Cool Ethan. I live in Heineraker Hall.

  Dave : Alright - cool.

• Ethan : You're smart. I like you. I'll probably give you a nickname.

• Ethan : I had a nickname for you! You wanna know what it was? I'm not going to tell you. All right, it was "Laser."

• Ethan : I have copies! I'm not afraid to expel you!

• Dave : I brought you coffee.

  Ethan : I don't touch that stuff.

  Dave : Can I come in?

  Ethan : No. No one comes into Ethan's room. Ethan's rules.

  Dave : What's that smell?

  Ethan : Maybe it's the smell of your ass getting kicked out of school.

• Ethan : What would me say?

• Ethan : Angela? Weird!

  Angela : Ethan? What are you doing here?

  Ethan : Well, I'm in the food service industry, and I like bums, so it's kinda my duty.

• Ethan : I just need a woman's POV on the whole "sitch"

• Ethan : I want to make sure that you and I are best friends - "gnome" matter what.

  Angela : Ethan, that's a troll.

  Ethan : "Gnome", it's not.

• Ethan : You are so awesome, your room is so awesome, your phone is kick-ass, and you know what? I love you.

• Ethan : There goes Dave the Liar, I eff-ed his old girlfriend!

• Angela : Ethan, what is this, is this a hair doll?

  Ethan : I didn't make that! It fell out of your hair that way!

• Ethan : The dirty old whore told me to do it!

• Ethan : He's in my seat.

  Head T.A. Philip : Yeah... and we're grown-ups. We don't argue over seats. Now go sit over there. There are plenty of empty seats there.

• Ethan : Dave! Fudge!