Bruce Campbell acreditado por interpretar...
Ash • Evil Ash
- Father Allard: The pages, did you find them?
- Ash: I got your stupid pages, now what's next? What do we gotta do to get my girl back?
- Father Allard: Our work's not yet done. You must help me get into my church.
- Ash: Our work? Oh that's a good one Padre
- Father Allard: What are you implying?
- Ash: I've been doing the work around here chump! I got your pages, now why the church?
- Father Allard: Inside is the path to the Kandarian dagger. An artifact of great power, used with the Necronomicon. We can banish the evil once and for all! But I haven't been able to get past the doors.
- Ash: Oh, so it's good ol' Ash to the rescue again, huh?
- Father Allard: Enough! Find away inside the church, I thought I heard a woman scream.
- Ash: Hey, woah! Why didn't you do something?
- Father Allard: I told you, something's been blocking the doors. And I'm weakened from...
- Ash: Yeah yeah, look spare me your boo-hooing ok? I've heard it all before. Look ,I'll get inside, but you better hope Jenny's all right!
- Father Allard: Once I see you're inside, I'll... catch up to you.
- Ash: Don't do me any favours.
- Abdul Alzeez: Oh, I'm getting to old for this.
- Ash: Yeah, yeah, look we're here. Finally, now tell me what's going on. Why is all this happening?
- Abdul Alzeez: I fear your dark self is atempting to finish what the guild began. To bring the dark ones back to this world to reign over man. Your Jenny will be sacrificed as part of the ritual, to open the gateway to their realm.
- Ash: Sacrificed? What, where's this gateway you're talking about?
- Abdul Alzeez: Here in the lair. This place is built around the worlds of a temple once inhabited by the dark ones. When they ruled the earth long ago, here they uncovered the portal to the Cathedral of the Dead, the gateway between our worlds. But to enter we need the Dark Sign. It serves as a key.
- Ash: Uh huh, point the way.
- Abdul Alzeez: There, in the catacombs. But first you will a familiar to retrieve the sign.
- Ash: Oh come on, why can't I just go and get it?
- Abdul Alzeez: Fool! The catacombs are filled with such things that your mind would be seared, at a mear glance!
- Ash: Uh huh. Ok, will I guess I'm going to have to go with you on this one.
- Abdul Alzeez: Go into the lab and retrieve one of the familiars, while I begin work on the remaining translations. Move carefully, guards may still remain.
- Ash: Oh, those half invisible guys, yeah, yeah, right about the back at the temple. See? I'm not as dumb as I look!
- Abdul Alzeez: But I didn't...
- Ash: Shut it, ok? Just shut it.
- Abdul Alzeez: Where is the familiar?
- Ash: I killed em.
- Abdul Alzeez: All of them?
- Ash: They attacked me!
- Abdul Alzeez: Those creatures were some from worlds beyond. They were the product worth of years of arcane research!
- Ash: What, is there an echo in there? They attacked me!
- Abdul Alzeez: And what is this you brought me?
- Ash: Oh, that's my hand.
- Abdul Alzeez: Your actual hand? Fancinating!
- Ash: Oh yeah, real peachy
- Ash: Now come on, what do we gotta do to get the sign?
- Abdul Alzeez: It is possible. Yees, I might be able to grant you control assorts over your hand, given the proper spell...
- Ash: And, you got that spell handy? Oops, sorry.
- Abdul Alzeez: For what?
- Ash: Never mind.
- Abdul Alzeez: The spell is in sanctum santorum of the library. I was never allowed inside, you will have to figure out how to enter.
- Ash: Naturally.
- Evil Ash: Well, look who finally made it, and just in time.
- Ash: This is between you and me pal, let the girl go!
- Evil Ash: Oh no, this is between the three of us. Once the portal is opened, she'll be consumed by the dark ones, then the cross over will begin. As for you, your death will be my calling card. You see the prophecy is actually very important to them.
- Ash: Oh, you mean the prophecy where I kill you and stop the dark ones for coming over?
- Evil Ash: Semantics. Either way, we'll all be pleased to see you... dead!
- Ash: Oh yeah right! You think those things will make you some sort of god while I'm gone? I've got words for you pal, you're crazy!
- Evil Ash: Not crazy, just bad.
- Ash: Good, bad, I'm the Ash with the chainsaw.
- Ash: [looking at a puzzle that looks too complicated to solve] On second thought, specify this!
- [blows puzzle with his shotgun]
- Merchant: You, you are him!
- Ash: Him? Him who?
- Merchant: The one Alzeez spoke of! The warrior from the sky!
- Ash: Uh huh. Hey, where am I?
- Merchant: Damascus, in the year seven hundred thirty.
- Ash: Seven thirty? Great, round two with the primitives. Hey you see two other people land around here? A girl and a guy, guy's my height, my weight, kinda good lookin?
- Merchant: Yes, the two others fell during the rain of trinkets. They were taking the guild temple. Soon after the mad poet, Abdul Alzeez, was cast out into the guild and thrown into jail. He spoke of your arrival, most thought him to be insane.
- Ash: Guild? What the... look never mind. Where can I find this Alzeez fellow?
- Merchant: He awaits execution in the jail, but the bridge is out and the minions of the guild roam free about the town. I must go. I shouldn't be seen talking to you, but here me warrior. Tred carefully, an unholy evil sweeps across the land.
- Ash: Yeah, so what else is new?
- Ash: Yo, Zeez baby listen up! Back away from the door and I'll have you outta there in a jiff.
- [sticks the home made dynamite in the cell door and blows the door successfully]
- Ash: Uh, hello? You can get up now. Ok, now let's get one thing straight spinach-chin, I still don't like this whole "I wrote the book of the dead" thing. So if you as so much as look at me funny, I'll saw you in half so fast, it'll make your head spin!
- Abdul Alzeez: I mean you no harm. As I was saying before, the Necronomicon's a source of immense power. One can summon the un-holiest of evils, cross dimensions and command an army of deadites. But within it's pages, also lie are the secrets to banishing the evil forever!
- Ash: Uh huh, so let me guess. You wrote the bad part first and never finished the good part?
- Abdul Alzeez: Precisely. There's not much time, we should walk and talk.
- [later at the entrance of the temple]
- Abdul Alzeez: The celestrial temple. Once used by the most noble scholars in Damascus, it is now a place for the guild to study and prepare for the dark ones. Inside are my notes, you will need to retrieve in order for me to complete the book.
- Ash: And I suppose these notes of yours will be completly unguarded and I won't have any trouble finding it.
- Abdul Alzeez: The water, you must also shut down it's supply. We need to clear the passage ways.
- Ash: Okay enough! The other "me" already has the book, not to mention my girl and now you're babbling about some kind of water? You're pissing me off, old man! What gives?
- Abdul Alzeez: Even with completed book, they still lack one crucial component.
- Ash: Oh yeah? What's that?
- Abdul Alzeez: Me. I was the only one not driven entirely insane by the translations. Those with less knowledge of the book, know not of what it contains.
- Ash: Blah blah blah, look let's just get to the point gramps! You keep yacking about the book, the guild, these dark ones, what the hell is going on and why did they take Jenny?
- Abdul Alzeez: No time to explain, get inside and retrieve my notes. We will meet here afterwards. I must go now. If they find me here, they'll kill me where I stand!
- Ash: Oh yeah, and what do you think they're gonna do to me? Give me a big fat kiss.
- Troop Leader: You're a little old to be a Wolverine, but then again, we seem to be runnin' low on new recruits.
- Ash: Thanks but no thanks doughboy, my scouting days are over. And so are yours.