The Broken Hearts Club: A Romantic Comedy (2000)

Billy Porter: Taylor

Quotes 

• Taylor : I was left for another man. And not just any other man, a trainer. A trainer named Dash. I was left for a punctuation mark.

• Cole : Thank God you're home.

  Dennis : Thanks to Mufasa here, it's now a Tunisian hut.

  Taylor : Why do I even try?

• Taylor : I hear Kip Rodgers is a big fag.

  Dennis : Kip Rodgers is not gay, he's married.

  Taylor : Oh please, that's right up there with "He's not gay, he's in a fraternity."

• Dennis : Where is my living room?

  Taylor : Oh it's still here, I just shifted it around a little.

  Dennis : No, this is YOUR living room. You didn't shift my living room around, you shifted my living room out and your living room in. So, where is my living room?

  Taylor : Distributed evenly around the house.

  Dennis : Distribute it back.

  Taylor : It took me all day!

  Dennis : So now you'll be done in time to set your curlers for bed.

  Taylor : Okay Dennis, look at it this way: a new furniture arrangement is like a new hairstyle, you have to live with it for a few days before you can tell whether you really like it or not.

  Dennis : That is not true. I haven't had a shag, but I wouldn't have to live with one for a few days to know that I don't want one.

• Taylor : No Streisand, no Bette, no Judy? What the fuck's a fairy supposed to do around here in case of an emergency?

  Patrick : There's gotta be something.

  Howie : I'm looking.

  [pulls out a CD] 

  Howie : Celine Dion?

  Taylor : In Hell!

• Patrick : Oh great! This is what I get for trying to be a friend.

  Taylor : Well we obviously have two different interpretations of that word!

  Patrick : What's that supposed to mean?

  Taylor : It means that when it comes to men, you delight in being the bearer of bad news for all of us. You can disguise it all you want under the guise of 'Patrick's Good Advice' but it ain't shit but a pin... trying to pop all of our relationship balloons! Yeah, I knew Paul was sleeping with other people, but he told me we'd work it out. He promised we'd work it out.

  Patrick : He lied!

• Cole : Is there a sentence that you don't start with "as a person in a long-term relationship"?

  Taylor : It speaks on my authority, in matters of the heart.

  Cole : It speaks of your boyfriend's insanity!

• Howie : There is not a single film in the cinematic canon that paints the portrait of a gay man that any of us would aspire to be. What are our options... noble, suffering AIDS victims, the friends of noble suffering AIDS victims, compulsive sex addicts, common street hustlers and the most recent addition to the lot, stylish confidantes to lovelorn women. Just once I would like to see someone who is not sick, hasn't been laid in about three months and is behind on his student loans.

  Benji : And that is someone you would aspire to be?

  Taylor : Right?

• Taylor : I-I-if you're going to break up with somebody, at least have the decency to provide them with better lighting.