Shakespeare in... and Out (1999)

J.D. Smith: Lee Fernandez

Quotes 

• Lee Fernandez : I don't pay you to think, I pay you to fuck.

• Lee Fernandez : What I want you to do, Rich, is look at her breasts when you say that line.

  Rich Longfellow : But in Michael Caine's acting video, he said you should pick one eye of the other actor and concentrate only on that. If you pick just one eye, not both of them, but just one eye, then you're more focused and you don't seem shifty or nervous.

  Lee Fernandez : Michael who? Look, I don't give a shit about that. In this scene, you're horny and I want you to look at her tits!

  Lucy "Lace" Liebowitz : Maybe you should just pick one, then your eyes won't shift.

• Lee Fernandez : I went into the men's room to use the urinal. I noticed this kid next to me. I could tell right away he was talented. So I started talking to him. I come to find out he's a young actor looking for experience. Let me tell you about Rich Longfellow. He's got that special something that makes him stand out in this business.

• Lee Fernandez : Right now we're working on something that's selling like hotcakes. It's called, "America's Homemade Sex Videos."

  Harold Asailian, Jr. : What's that?

  Lee Fernandez : They're amateur sex movies that are made at home by everyday people on their home video cameras. They're very popular.

  Harold Asailian, Jr. : Didn't you say they were supposed to be made by amateurs... by average people?

  Lee Fernandez : Who'll know the difference? Besides, we're average people, too. It'll look very realistic. Nobody will know the difference.

• Lee Fernandez : We discussed it, and I've decided that you've got the part! I'll have the contracts drawn up tomorrow.

  Rich Longfellow : I can't believe it! I'm going to be in "Aristotle and His Horny Time Travels!" Thank you!