Lakeboat (2000)

Jack Wallace: Fred

Quotes 

• Stan : Boy, did I get laid last night.

  Fred : One of the lads on the boat?

  Stan : By a woman, Freddie. A woman. Do you remember them? Soft things with a hole in the middle?

• Stan : Who is the most grotesque broad you ever fucked?

  Fred : I'd have to think about that.

  Stan : I'd like to know.

• Fred : It's getting expensive just to live.

  Joe Pitko : Sure as shit.

  Fred : Just to buy a pack of Camels, it's getting so you have to go to the fucking bank. Used to be 26 cents a pack in Indiana.

  Joe Pitko : I remember when it was 17 cents in Tennessee.

  Fred : You're not from there.

  Joe Pitko : Ah, we used to go there. Wish I never got started. I used to buy them from my old man. He used to say "Hey, if you're gonna smoke, don't hide it. Smoke in my presence."

  Fred : So did you?

  Joe Pitko : Christ, no, he would've kicked the shit out of me.

  Fred : It's too fucking expensive. You never should have got started. Fuck!

  Joe Pitko : It's going up.

  Fred : When's it gonna stop, I swear to god I don't know. We'll all be selling syphilitic fucking apples to each other on a street corner.

• Fred : Steven Seagal is the strongest guy in ten years.

  Stan : You know what? You are truly an idiot. You could have said that in the dark, and I would've known it was you, because only you could make so stupid a statement. Steven Seagal has got to be the dumbest jagoff I can remember.

  Fred : Yeah, it's like you to say that.

  Stan : You know about it?

  Fred : I know when a guy is strong.

  Stan : And that's what Seagal is, strong, huh?

  Fred : Yeah.

  Stan : You know, you're right. I agree with you 100%, he is strong, this Seagal. I can't think of anything that could be stronger than him, unless maybe a pile of shit!

  Fred : What do you know? Who do you like?

  Stan : Oh, I'll tell you. You want a real strong fella, a real type. I'd have to say Jerry Lewis. He could probably knock the shit out of this Seagal.

  Fred : Aw, you don't know nothing. You don't know a fucking champ when you're looking at him in the movies, for chrissakes. This guy is stark, he's the best.

  Stan : He's the best, alright. Like jacking off is better than getting laid. This guy Seagal is the biggest jackoff of all time.

  Fred : Yeah, I agree with you, Stan. I see your point, the man is not stark, he's no fucking good. That's why he didn't take five fucking guys in that barroom using only one pool cue. I see your point!