Mark McLachlan credited as playing...
Brady Turner
- Brady Turner: We'll use those sweatshirts as blindfolds! The Australian Guy from Animal Planet does it all the time, it works!
- Duncan McKay: Brady, man, in case we don't make it out, let's be perfectly frank. I'm not too optimistic. I got to tell you something, man.
- Claire: Duncan, quiet.
- Duncan McKay: I got to get this off my chest.
- Brady Turner: Not now!
- Duncan McKay: It's about that whole cheating thing. I knew we'd get caught.
- Brady Turner: What?
- Duncan McKay: Everyone's goin' to all those fancy colleges and shit. Face it, I'm stuck with a life sentence in J.C. without parole, man. I just didn't want to be left alone.
- Brady Turner: You got me kicked out of school on purpose?
- Duncan McKay: Pretty selfish I know. I'm sorry.
- Claire: I hate to say it, Brady, but I told you so.
- Duncan McKay: Come on. I knew Glickman'd see me pass that note. He saw it that time.
- Brady Turner: Duncan, if we ever make it out of here, I'm gonna to kill you.
- Duncan McKay: Fair enough.
- Kit: [about to tell his story] All right, first, let me just start by saying I didn't make any of this up, all right? It's completely true. And... It all happened right here-- right up at that old hotel, right up there.
- Brady Turner: That's a surprise.
- Kit: See the guy who built it was this guy by the name of Harlan Clemens.
- Brady Turner: Oh.
- Claire: Harlan Clemens? Wait a minute. Isn't that Mark Twain's real name or something?
- Kit: No, no. See, the imported this massive crocodile, a flat dog.
- Brady Turner: Ok, you're losing me here.
- Kit: Well, that's what the Africans call the Nile crocodile. Anyway, the croc was supposedly a descendant of the ones the pharaohs rode in the battle.
- Sunny: Giddyap, little gator.
- Kit: Shut up, all right? Shut up. My point is, this guy Harlan set up a shrine for this monster. I mean, he practically started a cult. He thought that he could use this beast to harness the powers of the ancient Egyptian crocodile god Sobek.
- Hubs: Lick my hairy right 'nad.
- Kit: So... Listen so the townspeople are about to run Harlan out of town because of his unchristian ways. Then something miraculous happened. The monster laid eggs. Who knows how she got pregnant?
- Foster: Aw, can we just fast forward to the flying guts and assholes or something?
- Hubs: You are wading through a lot of bullshit.
- Kit: Look no, guys, look, it's true, man. My grandmother raised me on this story, all right? It happened when she was a little girl. So Harlan takes the eggs and put them on display in the hotel lobby. But, then, one day, his 8 year old son got mad he took a croquet mallet to them and smashed them all. And all they ever found of him after that was his hand.
- Hubs: Now every now and then, the croc comes back to the hotel, any feast on little 8-year-olds playing croquet. Good story, dude. Good story.
- Kit: Don't laugh, man. It's true.
- Sunny: [pouring shots of liquor] we're doing shots every time Kit says, "it's true."
- Kit: Listen, I don't care if you guys think this is funny or not, but, you know, they say that every once in awhile she'll come up to the hotel still looking for her eggs. In fact, about 10 years ago, some kids disappeared from this very place.
- Brady Turner: Right here?
- Kit: I imagine they were sitting around the fire just like us, but they just kept hearing things. You know? And the creature just came out of the shadows with its yellow eyes and it's scaly skin all covered with barnacles with those eyes that just that just paralyze you, you know? You can't move. And then you just sit there waiting for the inevitable that horrible fate awaiting you as it gets closer and closer and closer.
- [Duncan appears and scares everyone]
- Brady Turner: It was crazy. She wouldn't stop following us. She wouldn't leave us alone.
- Shurkin: I think you made her mad.
- Claire: What do you mean?
- Shurkin: You shouldn't have messed with them eggs.
- Claire: Oh, I told you you shouldn't have touched those.
- Duncan McKay: Leave me alone, all right? They were already messed up.
- Shurkin: Rampage like this needs a trigger. She's killin', not eatin.'
- Duncan McKay: [anxiously] Guys!
- Sheriff Bowman: That's why we haven't seen her before.
- Shurkin: She's probably been lurking around here all this time. It's over a hundred miles of inland she could hide in.
- Duncan McKay: Guys!
- Claire: This is all your fault, Duncan.
- Duncan McKay: GUYS!
- Brady Turner: Enough already.
- Duncan McKay: IT'S BACK!
- [Flat Dog is shown behind the boat]
- Sheriff Bowman: Let's get out of here.
- Duncan McKay: Let's go, let's go, come on!
- Sheriff Bowman: [the boat won't start] Start! Start! Damn it!
- Brady Turner: What's wrong!
- Sheriff Bowman: I can't start the engine. But it should work manually. This is happened before. You kids all get down. I'll get you out of here.
- [as he approaches the motor]
- Sheriff Bowman: come on, let's get this thing goin.'
- [as he tries to start the motor]
- Sheriff Bowman: Come on. Come on.
- [Flat Dog grabs and devours him]
- Duncan McKay: [spits out water after being hit by Brady] You were hitting me.
- Brady Turner: Oh, Thank God.
- Duncan McKay: [pulls out his bug repellent] This eater-be gone never leave home without it. 100% indigestible.
- Duncan McKay: Aah, watch it, man. Fuck, it hurts.
- Brady Turner: [sarcastically] Little baby doesn't like going over the bumpies.
- Duncan McKay: Aah! Stick it up your ass!
- Brady Turner: That's it! I've had it! I'm not pushing it anymore!
- Claire: Well, I can't carry him!
- Duncan McKay: You know, you two have been more concerned about where that fuckin' dog is then you have about me!
- Claire: [start pushing him in the wheelbarrow] Well, the dog isn't wasted space! Brady!
- Duncan McKay: Aah! Come on, man! Aah! Aah! Oh, ho ho ho! Ow! Watch it! Take it easy, sweetheart!
- Claire: Shut the fuck up!
- Duncan McKay: Fuck! Ow! Ah.
- [She stops pushing him]
- Duncan McKay: come on!
- Claire: Fuck me!
- Duncan McKay: Come on! Get back and push down!
- Claire: I am!
- Duncan McKay: Ow! Stop doing that!
- Claire: [as he's spraying insect repellent] You stop doing that! Your fucking fumes are killing me!
- Duncan McKay: Look I can't help it if I'm an easy target for bugs, all right?
- Brady Turner: Would you two shut the fuck up?
- Claire: [stops pushing him] you carry him!
- Duncan McKay: Come on, man! Let's go! Come on, man, my leg is gonna fall off!
- [Brady starts wheeling him again]
- Duncan McKay: Jesus Christ! Fuckin' A!
- Duncan McKay: Sheriff!
- Sheriff Bowman: Oh, you kids look like you've been through hell.
- Claire: [as they help Duncan into the boat] You have no idea.
- Sheriff Bowman: Where are your friends?
- Brady Turner: They're gone.
- Shurkin: Where'd that scaly demon go off to?
- Duncan McKay: Back in the water.
- Brady Turner: You know about her?
- Shurkin: We've been trackin' her. Left the trail of carnage in her wake.
- Sheriff Bowman: [to Duncan] Well, we'd better get you to town but quick.
- Duncan McKay: Yeah, that'd be great.
- Sheriff Bowman: Happy to see this old redneck now?
- Duncan McKay: Heckfire, yes.
- Claire: [as Flat Dog approaches them as they're on the boat] This isn't fair.
- Shurkin: [as he pulls out his rifle the sheriff pulls out his handgun] That won't do damn bit of good, sheriff.
- Brady Turner: This isn't happening.
- Shurkin: Everybody get down.
- Duncan McKay: We tried shooting it! It didn't work!
- Shurkin: [regarding his rifle] Not with this you didn't. Sheriff, cut the engine.
- Sheriff Bowman: God Almighty!
- Shurkin: Cut the danged engine! There's no way we can outrun her. It'd be easier... .
- Duncan McKay: I DON'T CARE!
- Shurkin: Quiet!
- [Shoots at her which proves ineffective]
- Duncan McKay: Where is it?
- Shurkin: Ahhh! Quiet! She's under the boat. Everybody get hold of something.
- Brady Turner: Claire!
- Shurkin: Where are you now?
- Brady Turner: [as Claire holds on to him next to the boat] Stay with me! Stay with me!
- Shurkin: Come on up, you miserable she-demon!
- [Flat Dog approaches]
- Shurkin: Aw, There you are! This first one's for my grandpappy!
- [Shoots at her again it's uneffective]
- Shurkin: and the next one'll be for my daddy!
- [Flat Dog hits the boat causing him to fall into the water]
- Shurkin: Aah!
- Brady Turner: Oh, my God!
- Shurkin: [as he surfaces] where she at? Where? Where is she? Where is she?
- [as Flat Dog approaches him]
- Shurkin: Sheriff! Pull me up! Pull me up!
- Brady Turner: Stay down!
- Shurkin: [as the sheriff pulls out his sidearm] Shoot for the eyes!
- Brady Turner: Get away! Get away from the side of the boat!
- Shurkin: [has the sheriff shoots ineffectively at Flat Dog] shoot for the eyes!
- [Flat Dog devours him]
- Sheriff Bowman: Hey. You all could help me by showing me a little I.D.
- Hubs: There you go.
- Sheriff Bowman: Now, look, kids. I know why you're here. Party time. Heck, I used to do that myself.
- Duncan McKay: Amazing you found the time, what with all the pig shows and tractor pulls and such.
- Sheriff Bowman: [takes off his sunglasses] Son... Do you want to spend your vacation looking at the lake through a set of bars?
- Duncan McKay: No, sir.
- Sheriff Bowman: I didn't think so. Now, you all make sure that whoever is driving your rig is sober, you got me? Last year, some bozo came through here, went jet skiing after a kegger ran right into a boat. There wasn't much left of him, but my men were able to scrape enough of him off the propeller to know that he had a B.A.C. of 0.25.
- Brady Turner: We'll be careful, sir.
- Sheriff Bowman: Good. Now, spring break is vacation for you kids. For me? That's my busy season, so you try to keep that in mind.
- Hubs: Yes sir.
- Duncan McKay: You got it. Well, then...
- Annabelle: [princess is barking at the sheriff] Princess, don't bother the nice sheriff.
- Sheriff Bowman: You better get that fluff ball on a leash.
- Annabelle: [walking away] We don't like that man, do we? No, no.
- Duncan McKay: [picks up egg] Yo, check this out, man. Talk about getting laid.
- Foster: Yeah, that's like from an ostrich or something.
- Hubs: Or a beaver.
- Brady Turner: Hey, hey, you guys, you guys. You guys should leave those things alone, all right?
- Duncan McKay: Uh, yeah. Who brought dad along?
- Brady Turner: Hey, Duncan, there's a living creature inside of there, all right. Grow up.
- Duncan McKay: Yo, check out this creature.
- [Puts the egg into his pants]
- Kit: Elephantiasis of the nuts.
- Hubs: Is that an egg in your shorts or are you just happy to see me?
- [He drops the egg that he was holding]
- Brady Turner: You guys are idiots seriously.
- Kit: Not cool.
- Duncan McKay: What, I'm not your type?
- Foster: Be a big boy Duncan.
- Annabelle: Where's Princess?
- Kit: Will you just let her be a dog?Will you just let her be a dog?
- Annabelle: Kit, she could drown .
- Duncan McKay: Yo, Sunny.
- Sunny: Hmmm.
- Duncan McKay: [tosses her the egg] That was in my crotch.
- Sunny: [give him back the egg] You're such an asshole.
- Claire: [as Duncan and Hubs toss the egg back and forth] you know, I can't believe you two. For all you know, that could be an endangered species. that could be an endangered species.
- Duncan McKay: You know, Claire, the egg is a symbol of fertility. Perhaps you find that threatening.
- Duncan McKay: [after barely making it to shore] I quit. It's over. I can't take anymore of this.
- Claire: [crying] Neither can i.
- Duncan McKay: No matter what we do, it's gonna get us.
- Brady Turner: This is it, guys. We don't have a choice. We gotta fight this thing.
- Duncan McKay: Shut the fuck up, come on.
- Brady Turner: Look, man, maybe you want to sit here and wait for this thing to come out of the water and eat us, but personally I don't.
- Claire: Are you crazy? We can't fight anymore.
- Duncan McKay: Listen to her, man. Listen to her.
- Brady Turner: There's got to be some way.
- Duncan McKay: Just face it, Brady. We're dead.
- Brady Turner: Bullshit! Claire, give me your backpack.
- Claire: Jesus Christ, there's nothing even in there that can help...
- Brady Turner: Just give me your backpack! Just give it to me.
- Duncan McKay: [laughing] What you think you got a rocket launcher in there?
- Brady Turner: [goes through her backpack and pulls out of pocket knife] pocketknife. All right.
- Duncan McKay: [sarcastically] A pocketknife. Oh, that's good.
- Claire: Enough, Duncan.
- Brady Turner: [discovers the crocodile egg in her backpack] What's this?
- Duncan McKay: Oh, God.
- Brady Turner: What's this?
- [They both look at Duncan]
- Duncan McKay: Well, it wasn't me.
- Claire: Yeah, then who?
- Brady Turner: I saw Hubs messin' with your stuff.
- Claire: What? Then why the hell didn't you tell me?
- Brady Turner: You weren't talkin' to me then, remember? Ok. Ok. We got a knife.
- Duncan McKay: [laughing sarcastically] Give me a fucking break.
- Claire: Shut up, Duncan.
- Duncan McKay: Sticks!
- Brady Turner: [pulling out branches to sharpen them] we'll use those sweatshirts as blindfolds. That Australian guy from The Animal Planet does it all the time.
- Duncan McKay: Animal Planet!
- Brady Turner: And we got some sticks and we'll sharpen 'em and shove 'em down his throat.
- Duncan McKay: We're gonna fight that thing with sticks?
- Brady Turner: [picks up the egg] And we got the bait.
- Duncan McKay: Oh, God.
- Brady Turner: You doing okay?
- Claire: Yeah, great.
- Brady Turner: Listen, Claire, I'm sorry.
- Claire: Brady, please don't start, okay?
- Brady Turner: Look, I just need you to know that I...
- Claire: You know, it's not just about us anymore.
- Brady Turner: You know, if Duncan never would've passed me that cheat sheet in class, none of this would be happening. Wait a minute. What's that supposed to mean? "It's not about us anymore"? Is there something that I...
- Claire: I hate to break it to you, Brady, but.. Let's just make it out of here alive, okay?