Scott Grimes credited as playing...
Donald G. Malarkey
- Capt. Herbert Sobel: [the company is in formation at Camp Toccoa] You people are at the position of attention!
- [Sobel walks up to Perconte, who presents his rifle for inspection]
- Capt. Herbert Sobel: Private Perconte, have you been blousing your trousers over your boots like a paratrooper?
- Frank Perconte: No, sir.
- Capt. Herbert Sobel: Then explain the creases at the bottom.
- Frank Perconte: [pause] No excuse, sir.
- Capt. Herbert Sobel: Volunteering for the parachute infantry is one thing, Perconte, but you've got a *long* way to prove that you belong here. Your weekend pass is revoked.
- [Sobel moves down the line to Luz]
- Capt. Herbert Sobel: Name.
- George Luz: Luz, George.
- [he presents his rifle for inspection; Sobel examines it and tosses it back at him]
- Capt. Herbert Sobel: Dirt in the rear sight aperture. Pass revoked.
- [Sobel moves down the line to Lipton]
- Capt. Herbert Sobel: When did you sew on these chevrons, Sergeant Lipton?
- Carwood Lipton: Yesterday, sir.
- Capt. Herbert Sobel: [holding up a single thread] Long enough to notice this. Revoked.
- Carwood Lipton: Sir.
- Capt. Herbert Sobel: [Sobel moves on to Malarkey] Name.
- Donald Malarkey: Malarkey, Donald G.
- [he presents his rifle for inspection]
- Capt. Herbert Sobel: Malarkey. Malarkey's slang for "bullshit," isn't it?
- Donald Malarkey: Yes, sir.
- Capt. Herbert Sobel: [Sobel examines Malarkey's rifle, then tosses it back at him] Rust on the buttplate hinge spring, Private Bullshit. Revoked.
- [Sobel moves on to Liebgott]
- Capt. Herbert Sobel: Name.
- Joseph Liebgott: Liebgott, Joseph D., sir.
- [he presents his rifle for inspection]
- Capt. Herbert Sobel: [Sobel pulls Liebgott's bayonet out of its sheath and examines it] Rusty bayonet, Liebgott. You wanna kill Germans?
- Joseph Liebgott: Yes, sir.
- Capt. Herbert Sobel: [Sobel hits Liebgott's helmet with the bayonet] Not with this.
- [he walks out in front of the company and holds the bayonet up for every man to see]
- Capt. Herbert Sobel: I wouldn't take this rusty piece of shit to war, and I will not take *you* to war in your condition!
- [he thrusts the bayonet into the ground]
- Capt. Herbert Sobel: Now, thanks to these men and their infractions, every man in the company who had a weekend pass... has lost it.
- [pause]
- Capt. Herbert Sobel: Change into your PT gear, we're running Currahee.
- Donald Malarkey: [the men are going over Heffron and Spina's run-in with the German in the foxhole] He shoulda shot Hinkel in the ass.
- Warren Muck: Then he woulda shot *him* in the ass.
- [the men start laughing]
- Pvt. Edward 'Babe' Heffron: [Domingus comes around with stale pancakes and shovels them into everyone's mess tin] Hey, God bless ya.
- Donald Malarkey: Joe, these smell like my armpit!
- Warren Muck: [holding up one of the pancakes] At least your armpit's warm.
- Joe Domingus: You want syrup with that?
- Donald Malarkey: Joe, be honest, what's in these things anyway, huh?
- Joe Domingus: Nothing you won't eat, Malarkey.
- [he walks away]
- Pvt. Ralph Spina: I won't eat Malarkey.
- [they all start laughing again]
- Pvt. John T. Julian: Hey, hey, maybe Hinkel would like your share, huh?
- Pvt. Edward 'Babe' Heffron: I shoulda shot him when I had the chance.
- Warren Muck: What, running backwards, Babe?
- 2nd Lt. Thomas Peacock: [Lt. Peacock walks up] Anybody seen Lieutenant Dike?
- Donald Malarkey: Uh, try battalion CP, sir.
- [Peacock walks away, and the men start giggling once he is out of earshot]
- Warren Muck: Try Paris.
- Donald Malarkey: Try Hinkel.
- [they all crack up again]
- Pvt. Ralph Spina: [Spina puts on a bad German accent and makes to hug Heffron] Hinkel, sveetie, I'm home!
- Pvt. Edward 'Babe' Heffron: [Heffron turns to Doc Roe, who is sitting nearby] Hey Eugene, Lieutenant Dike's got a full aid kit, try him.
- Donald Malarkey: Yeah, I'm sure he's not usin' his.
- [the men laugh again]
- Pvt. John T. Julian: Maybe Hinkel's got a syrette for ya.
- Warren Muck: Eat your strudel.
- Donald Malarkey: [in his own bad German accent] Hey, Hinkel-Vinkel, eat ze armpit, huh?
- Bill Guarnere: My brother's in North Africa. He says it's hot.
- Donald Malarkey: Really? It's hot in Africa?
- Bill Guarnere: Shut up!