This isn't just a bad movie; it's two movies edited together by a director notorious for wasting good fight footage by slapping it onto an unrelated plot(s). The far-more-interesting story involves a vengeance-seeking man, Eagle, who battles every manner of treachery to pay back the ruthless warlord who destroyed his family. Had Ho left it at that, he'd have had a decent movie on his hands--but no, not Ho. Instead, he cobbles onto that a laughably inept waste of celluloid involving two caucasian (French? French-Canadian?) "ninjas" (you know they are because their headbands read "Ninja!") also carrying out a vendetta, but the events leading up to that are offscreen. So what does this have to do with the other? NOTHING! But you do get to chuckle at the site of pink- and purple-clad "ninjas" (who look like dropouts from hair-dressing school) play-fighting with each other. Only the guy who made a mess of the other "Angel" series (the nonsensical trio, not the HK classics) could get by with something this atrocious. If you're a real fan of martial arts movies, don't waste your time and money on this stinker.
7 Reviews
somewhat amusing
b0br00ney18 June 2003
This film had a few particularly entertaining scenes (e.g. the eggs, as mentioned above), but more interesting to me was the soundtrack. I caught snippets of Gustav Holst's "Mars, the Bringer of War," J.S. Bach's Tocatta and Fugue in D Minor, and a 1-2 second sound clip from Pink Floyd's "Saucerful of Secrets," amidst the freaky synthesizer noodling. Also, though the caucasian actors spoke English, their lines were dubbed anyway, increasing the camp value. "My life was saved by you." Over all, the movie is only worthwhile for fans of bad martial arts movies.
Enjoyable cut and splice ninja mayhem!
HaemovoreRex28 June 2005
This was one of the last of the cut and splice ninja movies to be made by our old friends Joseph Lai and Godfrey Ho.
Alas-genre regular Richard Harrison is no where to be seen having by this time presumably escaped his contract with the aforementioned cinematic crooks (in fact Harrison reportedly felt so sullied by his experiences with Lai and Ho and their deceitful film making techniques that he more or less retired from the industry)
In his honoured place however steps forward Pierre Kirby (who also appeared in the demented classic that is 'Zombie vs Ninja', aka 'Zombie Rival-The Super Ninja Master') who actually does many of his own stunts and martial arts.
The ninja segments in this are as usual, quite hilarious, with the protagonists milling around proudly in their brightly coloured attire and sporting headbands with the word 'ninja' emblazoned in big letters upon them. The acting/dialogue as expected, is also a hoot - is there really anyone out there who can keep a straight face as the characters in these films interact with one another?!
Added to this, the original film into which the ninja segments have been edited is also actually very good in it's own right and involves a skilled swordsman called eagle in a tale of violent retribution.
All in all this is tremendous (and somewhat insane) fun!
Alas-genre regular Richard Harrison is no where to be seen having by this time presumably escaped his contract with the aforementioned cinematic crooks (in fact Harrison reportedly felt so sullied by his experiences with Lai and Ho and their deceitful film making techniques that he more or less retired from the industry)
In his honoured place however steps forward Pierre Kirby (who also appeared in the demented classic that is 'Zombie vs Ninja', aka 'Zombie Rival-The Super Ninja Master') who actually does many of his own stunts and martial arts.
The ninja segments in this are as usual, quite hilarious, with the protagonists milling around proudly in their brightly coloured attire and sporting headbands with the word 'ninja' emblazoned in big letters upon them. The acting/dialogue as expected, is also a hoot - is there really anyone out there who can keep a straight face as the characters in these films interact with one another?!
Added to this, the original film into which the ninja segments have been edited is also actually very good in it's own right and involves a skilled swordsman called eagle in a tale of violent retribution.
All in all this is tremendous (and somewhat insane) fun!
Superb madness crammed into this one outstanding film!
Eagle_17 December 1999
Well, where to start? This film is an absolute must for all Ninja movie fans. Totally outrageous in every sense, but also totally superb! Eagle, Superb! What a guy, insane sword action, brilliant dubbing combined with outright craziness does'nt even begin to describe him. My hero. He's a man on a mission and nobody will stop him, no henchman is good enough, no boss tough enough. Then you also have Boris, and Leon. Both Ninjas, caucasian of course, with bright colored outfits and little headbands that actually say "Ninja" on them, fantastic! These two have a sort of vendetta thing going and only one will live to tell! Hordes of henchmen are sent to stop Leon, but he's just too damn good. But not as good as Eagle. Along with these main characters you have some ancient mystics, monks and a little bit of romance for Eagle. There is not much more I can say to describe this gem of a movie. So I leave you with a taster of possibly the best film I have ever seen. If you see this anywhere, watch it, hire it, buy it. Whatever, just watch it.
A Good Asian Subplot actually Carries this Film
KingFilmsCo13 October 2013
Godfrey Ho is no stranger to trash film-making. Full Metal Ninja is firmly within his tradition of cutting together various pieces of abandoned and unfinished films and splicing them together with cheap footage of white actors in ninja outfits fighting, often loosely, if not tangentially to the plot.
Full Metal Ninja is probably the most bald-faced when it comes to not even trying to connect the two plots together. Randomly the main star, Pierre Kirby, will appear in front of some foliage and say something like "Can you teach me your moves?" to which the subplot main character, Eagle will say "You're not ready yet," and walk away. If it sounds confusing, that's because it is - and stupid, too! But that's half the fun in these movies.
Full Metal Ninja (I love typing out that title) has Pierre Kirby fight some guys who have vague plans to control somewhere, but that's not really important. As far as Ho ninja scenes go, they're pretty standard in my opinion, and while the dub and dialog is hilarious, I'd stake Ninja Terminator, Rage of Ninja, or Ninja: Silent Assassin as having far more compelling and interesting white-ninja plots.
However, the Asian subplot is actually a fun, compelling, and -dare I say?- interesting film, in a grind-house sort of way. A yarn of revenge following a tight-lipped, stoic swordsman, Eagle, as he avenges the death of his family and abduction of his wife? Lover? at the hands of a greedy magistrate. One woman he saves from thugs starts to fall for him, but a series of unfortunate circumstances has her seeking to kill him as well. Oh the melodrama! The plot is nothing special, but there are times when the film almost approaches an emotional core or sentiment, and actually (gasp) tries to say something! Of course, the messages are "vengeance does not solve everything" and "even villains are people too" (which is done fairly well, for one of these films, at the climax), but it's nice to see something beyond the usual gangster crime drama that Ho usually resorted to. In fact, and this might be just me, I was annoyed and frustrated that certain elements of the subplot are not resolved towards the end of the film. Was it because the film was unfinished, lying in a basement when Ho and Lai found it? Or did Ho not think them important (a likely possibility)? Still, it's a shame!
All in all, Full Metal Ninja is a fun movie to watch. The musical motif of Bach's Toccata in D minor, used every time (and I mean EVERY TIME) Eagle kills someone, is hilarious in its own right because of its overuse. The ninja fights are goofy fun, the music is classic stolen-copyright music, and it's hard to go wrong with Full Metal Ninja.
I'll type it just *one* more time.
FULL METAL NINJA!
Full Metal Ninja is probably the most bald-faced when it comes to not even trying to connect the two plots together. Randomly the main star, Pierre Kirby, will appear in front of some foliage and say something like "Can you teach me your moves?" to which the subplot main character, Eagle will say "You're not ready yet," and walk away. If it sounds confusing, that's because it is - and stupid, too! But that's half the fun in these movies.
Full Metal Ninja (I love typing out that title) has Pierre Kirby fight some guys who have vague plans to control somewhere, but that's not really important. As far as Ho ninja scenes go, they're pretty standard in my opinion, and while the dub and dialog is hilarious, I'd stake Ninja Terminator, Rage of Ninja, or Ninja: Silent Assassin as having far more compelling and interesting white-ninja plots.
However, the Asian subplot is actually a fun, compelling, and -dare I say?- interesting film, in a grind-house sort of way. A yarn of revenge following a tight-lipped, stoic swordsman, Eagle, as he avenges the death of his family and abduction of his wife? Lover? at the hands of a greedy magistrate. One woman he saves from thugs starts to fall for him, but a series of unfortunate circumstances has her seeking to kill him as well. Oh the melodrama! The plot is nothing special, but there are times when the film almost approaches an emotional core or sentiment, and actually (gasp) tries to say something! Of course, the messages are "vengeance does not solve everything" and "even villains are people too" (which is done fairly well, for one of these films, at the climax), but it's nice to see something beyond the usual gangster crime drama that Ho usually resorted to. In fact, and this might be just me, I was annoyed and frustrated that certain elements of the subplot are not resolved towards the end of the film. Was it because the film was unfinished, lying in a basement when Ho and Lai found it? Or did Ho not think them important (a likely possibility)? Still, it's a shame!
All in all, Full Metal Ninja is a fun movie to watch. The musical motif of Bach's Toccata in D minor, used every time (and I mean EVERY TIME) Eagle kills someone, is hilarious in its own right because of its overuse. The ninja fights are goofy fun, the music is classic stolen-copyright music, and it's hard to go wrong with Full Metal Ninja.
I'll type it just *one* more time.
FULL METAL NINJA!
FINE!!!!!
jamalionerf28 July 2002
This film, too good for words. Everyone puts in there best ever performance, and I think it should have got oscars. Special effects are the best, better than the karate kid, and the violence makes shogun assassin look like Henry: Portrait of a Cereal Killer. Any person who likes film should watch this, it's a nice one.
Full Metal Ninja
BandSAboutMovies30 May 2023
Warning: Spoilers
IFD has a copyright of 1973 on this movie and describes it as so: "Eagle miraculously survives the massacre by General Lung in which his parents are killed and his wife is kidnapped. After spending months alone honing his fighting skills, Eagle sets out to rescue Jade from Lung and kill him and the others responsible for the massacre. But his biggest challenge comes from Boris, a Westerner who has come to old China to become a ninja master."
Sure, I guess it's about that.
It starts with Leon, a ninja wearing all pink everything and a headband that helpfully says ninja, battling two black ninjas who have chased one of his friends ad upset his meditation. They've been sent by Boris, the yellow ninja, who relates how he and Leon were once friends to his red ninja friend Luther. Leon has sent a message. "Tell Boris the Judge is here." The henchman who delivers it relates that it was a frightening experience to battle Leon.
Well, Boris did burn down Leon's house, setting his family ablaze and the last thing Leon said to him was "Justice will be done... and I'm The Judge!" so I assume that this is the same ninja, as does Boris.
Meanwhile, we move on to footage from Cheh Chang's The Dancing Warrior, whose drunken fighter is now sober and referred to as Eagle. We get to see some of his fighting power as he cuts down a tree with a sword and then blows up some oranges.
Eagle has been looking for his wife Jade, who was taken by General Lo. That journey will take Eagle to some strange places, like a bunch of barbarians in furs fighting, a tiger-striped dude with a mohawk who throws fire at our hero, some ninjas and a chicken.
In between all of this fighting, Leon and Eagle meet one another. As always, the footage is totally different and it's two people speaking that have and will never meet except through the magical lunacy of a Godfrey Ho movie.
Unlike most ninjas - well, other than Snake Eyes - Leon also will use a flintlock pistol in combat. He doesn't use it all the time, but it freaks Boris out. I mean, Leon is cold, as he puts it right between the eyes of one evil ninja and says, "Bullets are expensive and hard to come by. Consider yourself lucky! Goodbye!" before letting the guy live. I'm shocked he didn't piss his red shinobi shozoku.
At one point, Eagle saves a lady from some toughs who are threatening to beat her up outside her restaurant. It's a ruse. The lady - who seems like she wants to pay Eagle back with a furtive handjob - instead drugs him and gives him over to the general, who ties him up and nearly kills him. Eagle recovers and kills nearly everyone as his woman is killed saving him. Just when he nearly kills the general, that man's young daughter jumps into his arms and begs for her father's life. That's the same thing Eagle once did and an entire movie of being told that revenge is not the right path all hits him at once.
This kind of life lesson will not do in a Godfrey Ho movie, so we return to the last battle of white guy ninjas.
Pierre Kirby played Leon in this and unlike so many of the white ninjas in Godfrey Ho movies, he has some actual martial arts skills. Supposedly, he was a sailor who would act as the boat captain for wealthy people as well as a boat courier. He disappeared around 1990, as he was on the way to the Philippines to deliver a yacht when his ship was boarded by pirates. Yes, not in the movie. In real life.
Cinema Snob Brad Jones said, "His sister once got in touch with me after I did Pierre Kirby week, because she had no idea that her brother ever did any movies and she wanted copies of them. She said the weirdest part was seeing him with a dubbed voice, as he had a heavy British accent in real life."
If you've seen Konan the Barbarian Swordsman or Metallic Fury, you've already seen this.
As for the music - always my favorite part of any Godfrey Ho movie, includes repeated use of "Toccata and Fugue in D minor," as well as "Rubycon part 2" by Tangerine Dream, several songs from A Nightmare On Elm Street soundtrack, some of the Outland soundtrack, "Zig Zag Title" by Oliver Nelson and "Put Yourself In Los Angeles" by Chris & Cosey.
Sure, I guess it's about that.
It starts with Leon, a ninja wearing all pink everything and a headband that helpfully says ninja, battling two black ninjas who have chased one of his friends ad upset his meditation. They've been sent by Boris, the yellow ninja, who relates how he and Leon were once friends to his red ninja friend Luther. Leon has sent a message. "Tell Boris the Judge is here." The henchman who delivers it relates that it was a frightening experience to battle Leon.
Well, Boris did burn down Leon's house, setting his family ablaze and the last thing Leon said to him was "Justice will be done... and I'm The Judge!" so I assume that this is the same ninja, as does Boris.
Meanwhile, we move on to footage from Cheh Chang's The Dancing Warrior, whose drunken fighter is now sober and referred to as Eagle. We get to see some of his fighting power as he cuts down a tree with a sword and then blows up some oranges.
Eagle has been looking for his wife Jade, who was taken by General Lo. That journey will take Eagle to some strange places, like a bunch of barbarians in furs fighting, a tiger-striped dude with a mohawk who throws fire at our hero, some ninjas and a chicken.
In between all of this fighting, Leon and Eagle meet one another. As always, the footage is totally different and it's two people speaking that have and will never meet except through the magical lunacy of a Godfrey Ho movie.
Unlike most ninjas - well, other than Snake Eyes - Leon also will use a flintlock pistol in combat. He doesn't use it all the time, but it freaks Boris out. I mean, Leon is cold, as he puts it right between the eyes of one evil ninja and says, "Bullets are expensive and hard to come by. Consider yourself lucky! Goodbye!" before letting the guy live. I'm shocked he didn't piss his red shinobi shozoku.
At one point, Eagle saves a lady from some toughs who are threatening to beat her up outside her restaurant. It's a ruse. The lady - who seems like she wants to pay Eagle back with a furtive handjob - instead drugs him and gives him over to the general, who ties him up and nearly kills him. Eagle recovers and kills nearly everyone as his woman is killed saving him. Just when he nearly kills the general, that man's young daughter jumps into his arms and begs for her father's life. That's the same thing Eagle once did and an entire movie of being told that revenge is not the right path all hits him at once.
This kind of life lesson will not do in a Godfrey Ho movie, so we return to the last battle of white guy ninjas.
Pierre Kirby played Leon in this and unlike so many of the white ninjas in Godfrey Ho movies, he has some actual martial arts skills. Supposedly, he was a sailor who would act as the boat captain for wealthy people as well as a boat courier. He disappeared around 1990, as he was on the way to the Philippines to deliver a yacht when his ship was boarded by pirates. Yes, not in the movie. In real life.
Cinema Snob Brad Jones said, "His sister once got in touch with me after I did Pierre Kirby week, because she had no idea that her brother ever did any movies and she wanted copies of them. She said the weirdest part was seeing him with a dubbed voice, as he had a heavy British accent in real life."
If you've seen Konan the Barbarian Swordsman or Metallic Fury, you've already seen this.
As for the music - always my favorite part of any Godfrey Ho movie, includes repeated use of "Toccata and Fugue in D minor," as well as "Rubycon part 2" by Tangerine Dream, several songs from A Nightmare On Elm Street soundtrack, some of the Outland soundtrack, "Zig Zag Title" by Oliver Nelson and "Put Yourself In Los Angeles" by Chris & Cosey.
See also
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