- Parker Concorde: [apartment hunting] So, you don't have a problem rooming with guys?
- Samantha: No. I mean, before David it was Dean, and then before Dean it was Philip, and before Philip... Well, anyway, you get the point. Yeah, I... I feel safer living with a man. Plus, I made some great friends.
- Parker Concorde: So, you're not worried about things turning... romantic?
- Samantha: Romantic?
- Parker Concorde: I mean, you're very... You're a very attractive woman.
- Samantha: Oh, thank you, Parker. That's why I only live with men who are gay.
- Parker Concorde: This is Matt. And Troy. They've been here the longest, which is not saying much since the employees here have the shelf live of sushi.
- Jack: Yeah, what's gonna happen when all you want to do is the filthy nasty with her and all she wants from you is an opinion on which earrings she should wear with a dress?
- Jack: [as Boris, thinly disguising his interest in Sam's breasts] Oh, this was an enormous, large, very good pleasure for me, and I'm looking very forward to the next time that I eat you.
- Samantha: That's the great thing about painting. If you don't like something, you just paint right over it and start fresh.
- Kate: Men are just giant artichokes. They're prickly and hairy and hard and... until you get to the heart.
- Parker Concorde: Which is the best part.
- Kate: Are you SURE you're gay?
- Samantha: He is sweet, isn't he? You ever had your ass waxed?
- Jack: Turn gay, attract women.
- Parker Concorde: I know. It's weird. Y'know, ever since I've been... gay... I've felt more comfortable around women than I've ever been.
- Jack: Well, of course. You got nothing at stake, you know? You're just waiting for Sam and her lawyer boyfriend to break up. Until then, no other woman in the world exists for you.
- Parker Concorde: That is so not true.
- [a young woman jogs past them]
- Jack: Oh, yeah? What'd you think of her?
- Parker Concorde: Who?
- Jack: I rest my case.
- Samantha: [checking Parker's groceries] Oh, wow, my favorite - although I think you have it backwards, though. You're supposed to buy me dinner BEFORE we sleep together.
- Parker Concorde: Oh... Well, you know I'm sexually dyslectic.
- Parker Concorde: Penny for your thoughts.
- Samantha: Two bucks and you're on.
- Parker Concorde: Okay, but it better be good.
- Parker Concorde: Thank you.
- Bess: You're welcome, but what for?
- Parker Concorde: For giving me an ending.
- Tom: Sam, let me ask you something. When you needed a friend, was Parker a friend?
- Samantha: What?
- Tom: And when you needed a lover, wasn't Parker a great lover?
- Samantha: GOOD lover.
- Tom: Really? Because I seem to remember you saying, "Oh, Tom, he's such a great lover!"
- Samantha: Okay! Okay.
- Tom: And when you needed a gay roommate, wasn't Parker a gay roommate?
- Samantha: Tom, what's your point?
- Tom: Just this - that ever since I've known you, you've never been able to find the kind of man who was everything you needed... until now.
- Parker Concorde: You know, I'm glad you came around, because I was about to have a coronary.
- Samantha: Yeah, me, too.
- [a knock at the door]
- Samantha: [calling offscreen] That's Ben. Would you get that? Tell him I'll be out in a minute.
- Parker Concorde: Only if I can unleash the animals.
- Newspaper Editor: [checking over Parker's resume] Look, Parker, I-I'm not looking for writers. I'm looking for ideas. Ideas with heart. If you pitch me a... a great idea with heart, you get to write it. That's the wonderful world of freelance.
- Parker Concorde: Well, actually, I'm working on this... psychic hotline article.
- Newspaper Editor: Good. How's it end?
- Parker Concorde: How does it end? I don't know. I haven't gotten that far.
- Newspaper Editor: Well, you can't write it if you don't know how it ends - Journalism 101.
- Parker Concorde: I... wha... I guess I missed class that day.
- Matt: [at the water cooler] What's wrong, pal?
- Parker Concorde: [sigh] Sam left me.
- Matt: Oh, come on, Park. There's PLENTY of guys out there for ya.
- Parker Concorde: Sam's a girl.
- Troy: [entering] Woo, a girl?
- Parker Concorde: I like women!
- Troy: Good, good. That's what I'm talkin' about! Join the club! See, that's what it's all about.
- Matt: I like 'em, too.
- Troy: Yeah. Does... does Jack know about this?
- Parker Concorde: I went out with Jack to avoid Tom.
- Matt: Yeah, but you and Tom were so... so cute together.
- Parker Concorde: My girlfriend set me up, so I HAD to go out with Tom.
- Kim: [joining in] Why would your girlfriend set you up with a guy?
- Parker Concorde: She thought I was gay.
- Matt: Kinky.
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