Relax... It's Just Sex (1998) User Reviews

The Birdcage and Philadelphia aren't the only good 'gay' film out there

[stamper · 7/10 · 4 December 2004]

Maybe I'm a bit presumptuous in marking this one as a gay film, but since the majority of the characters is in fact gay I choose to do so anyway and I really do not mean anything more than: this is a film mainly about gay people! Now the beginning of the film really is how I imagined how the whole film would be, giving the audience a somewhat comedic look on sex and human nature. Gradually I found out that this was a different sort of film though and I must say that I really was amazed by how well the film turned from comedy, to seriousness, to drama. There are not too many films out there that are able to get from a really funny scene like the intro to such a dramatic last scene, without something seeming odd or misplaced, yet this film did. I mean I really felt as if I was changing alongside the characters on the screen and in the end I was amazed at what I'd seen. There was comedy, there was drama, there were thrills and everything was so realistic that you'd have to have a heart of stone not to be touched by it - except for the conservative maybe ;-)!

7,25 out of 10

Shines In Theatre

[adslpx · 8/10 · 7 March 2005]

This was a very fun and heartfelt film. There is a better energy when watching this in a theatre with others. I noticed that it lost some of its energy when watching at home on video.

The characters are endearing and you will find yourself drawn to all of them. This is well written and acted. A crafty and adept mixture of humor and heartfelt drama. There are many films that get a gay following, but this film outclasses most of the. I strongly recommend this film. It has stayed with me for so long now since I saw it numerous times at an independent theatre in Houston. I keep up with the careers of the actors and director of this film and anxiously await their future work. I think this could work very well as a TV series or sequel. I think it is just hard for me to say goodbye to these characters!

Surprisingly good. Give it a chance!

[Vedek · 8/10 · 1 August 2002]

This movie follows nine characters (four couples and one "loner") in their relationships to each other and to their "extended family." The first 20 minutes, you wonder, "Where are they going with this? Gay couples, straight couples?" Then, something really, really dramatic happens and the plot takes off like a rocket. This movie doesn't end up anywhere near where you thought it would from the beginning! See it! Don't worry about the "nudity" and "sex" warnings at the beginning -- the scenes are explicit but very artistic and underplayed. The real story is elsewhere. Surprisingly good. Give it a chance!

My goodness

[Brandy-28 · 3 October 2000]

Late one night on a Monday (if you can believe it) there was nothing and I mean nothing on television, until I came to this movie called Relax....It's just sex. I saw a couple of familiar faces and decided to stick around. When you get right down to it. This movie is about everyone. Whether your white, black, latino, from the middle East or China, male, female, gay, straight, lesbian, whatever. This movie is about love, friendship, sex, tears, death, life and everything else that comes in the middle of all that. See this movie. Trust me, at the end you'll go ---- yeah...

Surprisingly Appealing Film on an Unappealing Topic

[gws-2 · 7/10 · 18 June 2001]

I usually cannot get through films that depict homosexual relationships or the problems of homosexual life and this film certainly involves both themes. Nevertheless, I got through this one just fine, although there were some scenes I found less than entertaining. The acting is wonderful. Jennifer Tilly's performance was a particular joy. The writing, too, is smart, funny and often exciting. This is a sleeper well worth anyone's time and attention. I gave it a "7."

Lousy title...great movie

[preppy-2 · 9/10 · 26 April 1999]

This could have been a shallow by-the-numbers movie about gay, lesbian and straight friends in LA, but it wasn't. The characters and situations are realistic, all the acting was good and the movie doesn't shy away from showing male-male sex scenes (which is why it's unrated). The movie isn't perfect. It isn't as funny as it could be and some scenes don't play out at all or play out too long. Still, when was the last time we had a movie that dealt honestly and explicitly with gay men without desexing them or turning it into innocuous comedy (like "Jeffrey"). A really good film.

Starts out weak, but ends very strong & wonderful.

[pyotr-3 · 9/10 · 27 February 2000]

The first half of the film is plagued by strange use of music and poor sound quality, but somewhere along the line, as if by magic, the film takes root. The technical weakness improves a great deal, and the characters come to life. By the end of the movie, you want more.

This is a realistic view of problems faced by many people: anti-gay violence, relationships that go awry, disease, and miscarriage. The relationships between the friends in this film are very strong and moving, and in the last half of the movie we see some very powerful and wonderful results of the friendships. Perhaps loveliest of all is a scene between two women, former lovers, who are talking as the NEW lover overhears everything. I won't say what happens, but it is a wonderful and gorgeous scene unlike anything I have seen in any other movie. This scene alone makes the film worth seeing.

See it by all means, but be prepared for some frustration with the first half of the film.

Confused, does a lot of good but a LOT of bad as well

[rexfordavenue · 5/10 · 22 January 2015]

This is a mess of a film, but I can't dismiss it completely.

Does it have an overly sweet tone that doesn't match reality, but that's nothing new.

I'm not a fan of the graphic sex scenes but they didn't feel all that exploitative so whatever.

PROS: There are moments of true beauty here. The scene where they sit around the dinner table after one has announced that he's HIV positive. The attitude may seem weird and frivolous to us as viewers, but we have to remember that immediately entering a maudlin attitude would not help anyone in this situation. They talk about medical theories, about life, and even gossip a bit.

The scenes with the lesbian couple talking out their issues was handled with care and respect, as well as the two gay men having the rather hilarious talk about what straight people consider 'normal'. I overall enjoyed the ongoing grumpy narration that pointed out aspects of the gay community that irritate everyone who is not the biggest stereotype.

The climax was dark, powerful, and honest. It was a celebration of the hard truths of life and the love and strength we all need to get through them.

CONS: There is a graphic rape scene.

Why. Why is there a graphic rape scene.

Why do he have the main character - the narrator - chase down a violent frat boy and rape him in front of the entire cast? Why is he not called out on it? Why does this serve no purpose to the plot? What happened to the victim? Sure, the victim was a bastard and deserved a good punch in the mouth, but NO ONE DESERVES TO GET RAPED.

This scene ruins an otherwise alright film. I know that most of the discussions of the movie somehow leave out this scene altogether (what that says about the desensitization of rape in cinema I don't know) but it was a struggle for me to finish the film afterwards.

The movie spoke volumes about human relationships and the search for love

[perky-6 · 10/10 · 27 August 1999]

As a gay man but more importantly as a member of the human race, this movie spoke volumes to me. Most of us search for meaning and love in our lives and try to find these through our spirit, sexuality, mind and body. These characters representing races, religions, men, women and various sexualities were all looking for the same thing showing how similar we all really are. I consider myself a tough guy but any movie that makes me cry and that I would see twice has touched me very much and draws parallels to my own life. I found the movie " fluffy " until the gay-bashing scene and then the depth of characterization and interaction became apparent. I would proudly take any of my friends and family to see this film and think it could also be an effective tool to show high school sex education or family courses. How better to stimulate conversation about the search for human love across all boundaries.

A fluff movie for the fluffy.

[morphious628 · 3/10 · 4 September 2006]

I hated this movie. It meandered pointlessly and unevenly with no hint of realism. Everybody in this film- all these so called friends- were so impossibly cheery in the face of disillusion and disease. That is not how I experience life. I mean- how odd that these acquaintances were so cute, so quirky, so forgiving- no matter what the crisis. Doesn't sound like anyone I know. I suppose the writer/director was aiming toward a light comic drama. However, in my humble opinion, the fluff of this film so encrusts any depth this script might had with a sugary- I'll-love- you-no- matter- what- you- do- even- if- you- kill- a- guy- and- you- can- have- sex- with- whoever- you- want-and -adjust- your- morality- to- whatever- situation- you- want candy coating. This film will entertain a liberal crowd, but film buffs should stay away.

Better than I had anticipated

[Gouda-3 · 29 May 1999]

This is a fairly decent film with a really lame title. The film's opening is even misleading, starting with some pretty raucous gay sex--so from the outset it appears as if the film is going to be yet another dull explorating of the trials of gay life in the 90s. And there have been a lot of those films lately. Fortunately, director PJ Castellaneta is more wily than he lets on, and allows the film to evolve into something more intricate and at times very touching.

The film manages to balance a cast of widely different characters and maintain a sense of order without devolving into a who's who of politically correct character inclusion. You have the straights, the gays, the lesbians, the bisexuals, blacks, whites, latinos, and the film even manages to present Christianity in positive tones, albeit with a few well placed jabs now and then. The scripts evenly doles out its emotional weight, never straying into farce when it would be the easy thing to do, nor does it list grind into maudlin sentimentality when it would also be the easy thing to do.

The story revolves around the lives of a coterie of friends of various sexual orientations and temperament. "Relax" follows their development with humor and insight, sometimes relying too much on an intrusive voiceover by the main character, Vince. The emotional centerpiece of the film is a gay bashing where the victim suddenly gains the upper hand. This moment threatens to overwhelm the final half of the film because it raises a crucial question that the "Relax" never adequately, answers (nor did I feel it should have answered), which is, In a world where one is oppressed by violence, to what degree is violence--retributive, eye-for-an-eye violence--an appropriate response?

This is just one of a number of issues that the film raises and leaves for your consideration. Perhaps it is just as well, since it seems like to dwell overly long on these issues would overwhelm the rest of the film; indeed, Castellaneta felt it necessary to remove Vince from the main thread of the film, whereas he was hitherto the central character. In his place, Jennifer Tilly takes over, and she takes the film to its conclusion. Tilly usually goes for the quirks or the sex appeal of her film characters, but this time around she plays a woman whose quirks don't overwhelm her personality, merely compliment. She makes the film.

It was also nice to see a gay film that didn't trot out the familiar, banal diatribes against Christianity. Granted, the gay Christian couple does come across as a little hokey at times, they are never portrayed as weird, evil, judgmental, or exclusionary. Indeed, they are a fitting completion to the the microcosmos that revolves around Tilly's maternal presence.

I came to the film with few expectations and came away rather pleased. There are still a few drawn out moments that could have been trimmed, but the overall package of this film was a surprising delight.

A GREAT MOVIE!!! 10++

[Spanky-13 · 10/10 · 21 May 2003]

A total surprise! From the title I expected a gay sex farce and got a great dramatic/comedy! One of Tilly's best! All around the acting was very good and the script was a delight! There's lots of laughs, but keep the hankies close by. Too bad the Academy overlooks what they consider small gay oriented films. Because, this film deserved many Academy nominations!

An amazing film... has everything,

[DutchECK · 9/10 · 22 July 2005]

Relax... It's Just Sex starts out as a comedy. The first twenty minutes are absolutely hilarious; the jokes are well-timed, the characters really seem to have chemistry and the there is a general light-heartedness about the film. This, however, changes after the first half hour. The jokes move to the background. Now it's about the people. Relax... turns into a touching drama with a lot of different topics: gay bashing, procreation, AIDS, finding love are a few that spring to mind. Everyone, gay, bi or straight, male or female will identify with at least one of the characters. It doesn't matter that some of the characters are slightly exaggerated. It's the problems they deal with and the way they deal with those problems what makes this truly a film to watch.

interesting, honest, real, well acted characters and situations

[T-10 · 9/10 · 20 May 1999]

Relax...It's Sex has all the elements of a good film. The first scenes grab you with their hilarity and contrast and the last with honest emotion that seems to summarize the intent of the film. What's between is very good as well. The film has believable characters in believable situations that show a wide range of emotions from to joy to sadness, from fear to liberation, from rage to empathy, as well as many others. It is also laugh outloud funny. I saw this film with the Pittsburgh Filmmakers and at times everyone was laughing. It is at other times very serious and deals with many serious issues as HIV/AIDS, love and relationships, violence and bigotry. Mr. Castlenetta (sp?), the writer and director, manages to bring his characters and situations both of which are widely varied into a story which has both passion and humor. I would mention that Jennifer Tilly (Tara), the mother hen of the group is excellent. Mitchell Anderson (Vincey), arguably the lead and title character is great as well. The remainder of the cast which includes some unknowns was good as well. I must mention also Paul Winfield's cameo as Auntie Mahalia was terrific. A word of caution that this film is unrated and includes gay, lesbian, and straight sexual situations. That said the story line and characters make for great entertainment. Three and a half stars!!!

Shook me Up

[ApolloBoy109 · 7 November 2000]

Shook me up and I'm not very clear as to why. Having only been 'out' for a few months, some of what I felt I'm sure was due to inexperience. To me, the story of a playwright who lives and breathes in 'Dating Hell' is something everyone gay or straight can relate to. His anger at the 'gay bashers' and his general confusion really had an effect on me. Kind of like taking 'Okay so now you're a Homo 101' and being faced with a lot of issues from across the board.

I truly believed the storyline and the actors were so real to me. The HIV issue with Javi was well done and Buzz made his points regarding alternative opinion convincingly. The lesbian turned straight, Robin and Serina and their triangle against the backdrop of the 'rape' (I won't say more) while the main arc of the story is the straight woman who wants a baby so bad -- all of this demanded me to examine and comment on 'our human condition'.

The film jams alot of perspective into 96 minutes.

See it! I enjoyed it. I cried. And laughed alot but never has a movie made me feel more alone than this one.

QAF Wishes It Was This Good

[gar-18 · 9/10 · 28 April 2002]

RELAX. . . deals with real people in real and extraordinary circumstances. You see people of all colors, men and women, straight and queer dealing with love, life, hopes, dreams, disillusionments, brutality, and ultimately friendship. The dialog is witty and the people are very 3-D.

It's hard to summarize this movie without giving too much away. Highlights include a dinner party where the meaning of AIDS is debated -- after one in the group announces his HIV+ status; a breakfast with a lesbian, her new boyfriend and her parents, where the parents are aghast that she's dating men now, after breaking up with her lover of 9 years whom they adored; a meeting between one of the main characters and Aunt Mahalia, played wonderfully by Paul Winfield; and a rape scene which leaves the viewer to answer very uncomfortable questions about violence and retribution. Wisely, the film does not answer any of the weighty questions it presents. It only presents them in a sometimes funny, often poignant way.

If the folks at Queer as Folk had any sense, they would hurry up and hire writer/director PJ Castellaneta as one of their principle writers, to bring some life and meaning back to that show. In lieu of that, just rent this and sit back and relax for a fun ride.

Filled with more honest and funny comments about sex and relationships than any movie I know of

[preppy-3 · 10/10 · 5 June 2011]

Excellent comedy/drama about a large group of friends in West Hollywood. First off there's Tara (Jennifer Tilly) and her husband Gus (Timothy Paul Perez). She wants to get pregnant and settle down. He doesn't. Then there's the lesbian couple--Serena (Cynda Williams) and Megan (Serena Scott Thomas). Their relationship falls apart when Megan falls in love with a man. Butch lesbian Robin (Lori Petty) loves Serena but isn't sure she's over Megan. Then there's Javi (Eddie Garcia) who's gay and HIV+. He falls for Buzz (T.C. Carson) who keeps trying to tell him that HIV doesn't cause AIDS (!!!) And there's Vincey (Mitchell Anderson)--a gay man searching for Mr. Right and finding losers. His line "I'm tired of kissing strangers" will resonate with many single gay men! Then there's the unbelievably hot and hunky gay Christian couple (Chris Cleveland and Gibbs Todsdorf)! They're all best friends and love each other but a violent incident starts to tear them apart.

As you can see there's a LOT going on here and there's so many characters floating around that you're never bored. All the acting is dead on target and this has one of the BEST scripts I've ever heard! Its insights into gay, lesbian AND straight sex and relationships are dead on target. It doesn't hold back and pulls no punches. The lines are so honest and full of insight it's astounding. You'll never see a mainstream Hollywood film like this. This was made on no budget and barely played in theatres but it's available on DVD. A true must-see.

You should be warned some of this is pretty strong. There's nudity (the film opens with a fairly explicit gay love sequence), strong language and some disturbing violence in the middle...but it all works in context of the story. Just great!

I enjoyed this movie!

[panther0818 · 9/10 · 3 October 2005]

I just saw this movie for the first time at a friend's house over the weekend. It was delightful. I was so moved by the characters in the movie. Their individual relationships and relations as a unit made you feel involved. I felt like I was viewing a scene from my own life and how you hoped life and acceptance could be in the world, in general. It delves into so many untapped areas. Fidelity, homophobia, loneliness, sexual confusion, the gamut. It's one of those movies you know you can watch over and over because of it's humor, subject matter, and realistic characters. I definitely recommend it! It's an eye-opener, tear jerker. It's real!

**** Witty

[Bil-3 · 17 February 2000]

Witty independent films about groups of young people trying to cope with modern day life are a dime a dozen these days, but when they're this enjoyable you can't begrudge a director for riding a well-worn wave. P.J. Castellaneta has put together a group of very talented actors (Jennifer Tilly being at the top of the list) to play an assortment of thoroughly likeable characters who experience difficult situations but always have each other's friendship to rely on. The story never bogs itself down in preachy monologues or pretentious revelations; it's extremely funny, quick-witted and very touching.

Sneaky...it ends up being a completely different movie from the one you expected

[aharon-izraeli · 10/10 · 3 October 2020]

Everyone else says everything you need to know about this movie. All I can add is that it's well worth watching and I loved it and gave it 10 stars.

One of the few realistic gay movies that reflect reality.

[JackMar60 · 12 March 2003]

OK, it's not 'Some Like it Hot' or 'Citizen Kane', but this movie which is sometimes hysterically funny, sometimes traumatic, is always realistic. The group of friends, are as diverse as their lives and beliefs. There is no whitewashed 'unisoul' here. At times their diversity causes them to drift apart and challenge their friendship, but tragic events always bring them back together, reminding us all what friendships are all about. Jennifer Tily is extremely talented and on the mark, playing comedy and drama without any effort. It's a movie that must be seen, and you won't dismiss it as soon as the credits roll.

Trendy fluff

[mermatt · 19 March 1999]

It is becoming trendy to have gay story lines in films. This one is about relationships, life, love, sex, death, the meaning of life -- and manages to get laughs and perhaps even some tears. That's quite a bit for one movie to tackle.

This film has more substance than BILLY'S HOLLYWOOD SCREEN KISS and is on about the same level as JEFFREY. The uneven plot is all very familiar territory, but it is delivered with a quick enough pace and lively enough wit to make it entertaining.

So bad, it's bad. As much as you might like it to be good ...

[sychonic · 21 August 2003]

It ain't. Virtually everything about this movie from a technical perspective is bad -- the camera angles, the sound, the script, the direction, everything, it's awful. A guy with a camcorder and a Mac could do better with some cheap computer software, again from a technical standpoint. Even Jennifer Tilly, so cute and funny in most things -- stinks up the place.

Yeah, it's about homosexuality, and about AIDS, and gay bashing, and lesbianism, and well, isn't it great that gays and lesbians are treated as real human beings. Well, to the last, sure, it's fine. But that don't make this a good movie. In fact, the thing doesn't really have much of a point to it all -- there are a bunch of subplots, but not quite much of a central plot. Since that's a common mistake of many artsy movies, this one, a wannabe artsy movie, shouldn't be blamed. Still, the poverty of the subplots, well, that is it's fault and it suffers miserably.

Poor Paul Winfield, what the hell is he doing here? He puts in a wonderful performance, he's a class actor in a miserable movie. In fact he kills the movie mostly because he classes the hell out of everyone he's in a scene with -- it's like listening to Frank Sinatra in the midst of a bad Karaoke festival.

This movie really insults gays, but it pretty much insults everyone -- or rather most uncommon American couples. It's supposed to be a movie about alternative lifestyles, or interests, or loves, or whatever is supposed to be the politically correct term. Gays are all imminently about to contract AIDS, incredibly promiscuous, and where real emotion and passion is passe, disposable. The only real happy couple here is a twinky gay couple who are, supposedly, for a comic effect one must suspect, religious. The point is hard to fathom, but it's easy to dismiss as remarkably silly, not that it doesn't happen, but that it's so out of place in this thing.

Perhaps the worst thing about this movie is what many have commented upon -- gay bashing is far to horrific an act to show in such a remarkably stupid scene. Did anybody really think this rape scene had anything to say except a way to make a victim who then becomes a rapist look like somebody as an avenger -- and in such a humorous way as to make to the whole thing just look silly.

See the flick if you're into things that are supposed to be cutting edge but aren't, things that are supposed to say important things, but don't, and that are supposed to be artistic, but are far, far, away from that goal. It's that bad. The folks that have posted that like this movie? They may have an agenda, I don't know, but they surely don't know what a good movie is.

It was a fairly realistic overview

[2server · 21 November 1999]

I just came back from a very pleasant stay in L.A. and my gay cousin introduced me to her circle of friends. The group was so similar to the gang in this film that I felt I was taking part in it! It is a good film - no real boring spots. Lots of wit and lots of interesting dialogue. The actors are good and appear comfortable with their parts. One uncomfortable observation - they are all mostly young and attractive so different from us older folk. We *do* age, you know and being over 40 in the gay life is well, like death. Nonetheless it was an enjoyable surprise and I'm glad those gay bashers in the film got the shit beaten out of them. Why can't *that* happen more often??? hhmmmm

A surprising and thoughtful movie

[kdufre00 · 24 February 2000]

I just saw "Relax... It's Just Sex" for the first time last night, and I was really surprised at how serious it was. Going by the title, I was expecting a really light comedy. It was funny as all hell, but incredibly thought-provoking as well.

Too bad this movie hasn't gotten as much attention as it deserves. The characters were so fleshed-out, likeable, and funny that I felt like I was friends with them all, and present at Jennifer Tilly's party. This is one of the best ensembles of the year.

The funny moments in the movie mixed in well with the more serious moments without ever being awkward transitions. I especially liked how they handled the scene in which Vincey retaliates against the gay bashers. It was very intense, and it was given the attention and consideration it was due. The movie managed to be incredibly funny as well, it was amazing. I loved all the movie references, like when Jennifer Tilly compares two of the male characters to Faye Dunaway in "Mommie Dearest" and Elizabeth Taylor in "Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf?" Every time I think about that I could just die laughing.

This is definitely a movie that I want to see again, and, perhaps to own. It is also the first movie that I have seen in a long time that I would make all my friends see. My only regret is that I missed this movie when it was theaters last Spring.