Mystic Nights and Pirate Fights (1998) User Reviews

Absolute Hogwash

[swdvader-2 · 1/10 · 9 November 2003]

This film was one of the most ill-concieved pieces of garbage ever made. Completely empty in terms of content and entertainment value, it's one long, painful slog. The film seems to have been made on a lark, or a bet. And as the results confirm, the director/writer lost the bet. This is even worse than "Glen or Glenda." I hated every simpering, stupid, vacant, idiotic, vapid moment of wasted celluloid. Overall, the script was poor, as was the acting, especially that of a character known only as "Schooner." Not only did he look out of place, but he had a funny voice, and was just not entertaining in the least. When he says, "Mayonnaise, O NAYS MAY!" I was only left wondering "What?" My advice is that the cast and crew should not quit their day jobs. And if these are their day jobs, may they all be shot like the leads at the end of the film. They should also not be allowed to reproduce, as it would be hazardous to society. There are worse ways to spend your evening, but I can't think of any. Wait, nevermind, this film is wretched. The cinematography is inept, and the shots of New London are unconvincing to say the least. I hope with this directors next film, he will not hire a piece of particle board to play the lead. He shows promise, and hopefully with his next film, he will rectify this egregious mishap. Overall, I give it a 1 out of 100, and say never, ever, EVER, hire the guy who plays schooner, ever again. Not even a fun B-movie, but an execrable one. The mystery is easily solved, and the jokes don't work as well as they should. To quote Roger Ebert: "This film should be cut up to provide free ukulele picks for the poor." >

Enjoyed it very much as an adventure, mystery film.

[guil12 · 24 October 1999]

Saw this film on video and thought it well written with exceptional photography. The actors, all, were excellent and the direction had much suspense and action to it. The two boys were quite natural in their performances with an outstanding supporting cast, especially The Admiral, who reminded me of a Jason Robards character. I loved all the exterior shots of Mystic and New London, where I had once been stationed there at the submarine base, years ago. I recommend this film to audiences of all ages. Children will like it. Great adventure.

Like a Disney film.

Bad Kids' Movie

[nutsy · 1/10 · 29 November 2003]

Parents, don't subject your kids to this cheaply made, poorly written crap!

This movie is just a commercial for Mystic, Connecticut in the guise of a GOONIES-type kids adventure movie. It will fail to entertain them. Why? How could a kids movie fail to entertain kids? By throwing in endless long shots of the town which try to make it appear beautiful (and fail).

One of the major characters is a kid who works on a fishing boat with his dad and befriends a new kid (named Jonah of all things) whose father works for the Navy. They discover a German water-mine and wind up hot on the trail to buried treasure. There's an evil archaeologist who wants the treasure too.

Kids have fun/adventure. Jonah must overcome a bully. There are light-weight family problems. It's all really lame and slow. Filmed in a Connecticut studio with obviously limited resources. The color quality is very poor (green is almost never shown). The story they tried to tell wasn't worth the pathetic effort put up to make it. I mean, the production quality is passable, but I've seen better stuff from bad TV-movies.

My vacation video from my trip to Mystic was more entertaining than this, so just don't bother. Show the kids WIZARD OF OZ, or any other kids movie made by professionals. This attempt belongs in the scrap heap.

Great Kid's film full of Adventure

[The_ApprenticeUK · 10/10 · 2 June 2008]

This film is not a bad movie, but for some reason on here its being attacked. I watched this as a child and thought it was brilliant and watched it when ever it was on. It's got villains, treasure hunt and what shocked some good drama. If you want to make your kids happy pop them down in front of this movie and I guarantee they will enjoy it. Great family film. This film is not the Goonies but the film is based on a similar thing. A 300 year old map, pirates a treasure map and a competition on who can find the treasure first. This film is not yet out on VHS or DVD so if you get a chance to watch in on TV then I recommend you tape it to watch at a later date. Great family fun to have in you're collection, but like I said its no Goonies but it's a good film in its own right.