The Faculty (1998)
Josh Hartnett: Zeke Tyler
Photos
Quotes
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Zeke : Hello Miss Burke!
Miss Burke : Hello sweety pie, What are you looking for?
Zeke : Ah, nothing important. So maybe you changed your mind about the chocolate laxatives?
Miss Burke : Actually I had my heart set on something cherry flavored, if you know what I mean.
Zeke : Sorry I'm all outta those but I have something else for you.
Miss Burke : Yes?
Zeke : Oh yeah.
Miss Burke : Something tasty?
Zeke : [softly] Let me hook you up.
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Zeke : Not today. It's too damn hot, and I got zero fucking tolerance.
Miss Burke : Eat me, you asshole! I'm the one with no tolerance, you pathetic little runt!
F'%# Up #1 : Ouch! Come back.
Zeke : [sarcastic] What are you going to do? Are you going to call my mother?
Miss Burke : And how am I going to do that, little Zekey boy? Do you even know where she is? Europe? Sri Lanka? Japan? I wonder what remote location she went to this week... to hide from her great, big bastard mistake. I've taken your shit for TOO FUCKING LONG you dickless, drug-induced excuse for a human being!
Zeke : Whoa... woman. What are you on?
Miss Burke : "Woman"? Did you just say "woman"? I'm sick of you, little boy! And if I have to see you peddling your little "Wonder Dust" again, I'm gonna shove my foot so far up your ass, you'll be sucking my toes 'till graduation!
[exits]
Zeke : [to himself] Whoa! She got some bad shit!
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Zeke : Here, take this.
Casey : Now Marybeth.
Zeke : Sniff it.
Casey : You're out of your fucking mind!
Zeke : I'm about to take my chances. I leave for five minutes, and when I come back everyone's a fucking alien. Now, if I have to Men In Black your ass, you're gonna fucking take it!
[Casey sniffs it hasefuly]
Casey : Happy now?
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Miss Burke : Zeke, you cannot conduct personal business on school property.
[Zeke sits down on his car]
Zeke : Well, Miss Burke, we have a problem because I'm sitting on my car and that's my property.
Miss Burke : Well I've had complaints from several students that you've sold them mind-altering substances. Now do you wanna talk to me about it, or take it up with Principal Drake?
Zeke : You're too tense, Miss Burke. But I've got just the thing for ya.
Miss Burke : You know, Zeke, I am the authority figure here, it's time you realized that.
Zeke : Helps relief from blockage caused by dietary stress: Chocolate flavored laxatives.
Miss Burke : You know Zeke, if you applied just 5 percent of that intellect to your studies...
Zeke : Not a chocolate lover, huh?
Miss Burke : ...you could've made up your finals last summer and you wouldn't have had to repeat your senior year.
Zeke : Not a chocolate lover, huh? How about this: Condoms. Magnum Sized. And they're cherry flavored. C'mon... they're on me.
Miss Burke : That's so rude.
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Zeke : [to Stan] No pain Stan? If you come in here I'll show you some fucking pain!
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Zeke : Crusoe was afraid he'd be stuck on the island with nothing but calluses.
Miss Burke : That's not correct Zeke. Isolation was his greatest fear.
Zeke : Yes, but his external existence was in no way compared to his internal agony of the loneliness he felt.
Miss Burke : That's very good.
Zeke : Like I said, calluses.
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Zeke : [to Marybeth] So, if anyone finds us in here, just grab a hold of me and pretend we're making out. The punishment is less severe.
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[Zeke gives two students fake ID cards]
F'%# Up #1 : Dude, that's not me. Doesn't even look like me
F'%# Up #2 : It's 50 bucks right?
F'%# Up #1 : Does that look like me?
F'%# Up#2 : Uh, it's the new you.
F'%# Up #1 : I don't know man. How do we even know these things are gonna work?
Zeke : Trust me man, I'm brilliant.
F'%# Up #1 : Then why are you repeating your senior year?
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Zeke : [to Marybeth] Just doin' my part for the deconstruction of America.
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Casey : I say we go for the coach. He turned Stan. He's the one. Or do you want to wait for them to come to us?
Marybeth : Either way we're completely unarmed.
Zeke : Maybe not. I might have some more skat. In my trunk.
Casey : In your trunk? In your car? Amongst the aliens? Oh, that's convenient.
Zeke : [Holds up his car keys] You got a better idea?
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Zeke : Guaranteed to jack you up.
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Zeke : That's called a gun, man.
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Zeke : [while seeing 'alien'-Miss Burke looking for her head] Ah, fuck this, I'm outta here!