Teaching Mrs. Tingle (1999)

Helen Mirren: Mrs. Tingle

Photos 

Quotes 

• Leigh Ann Watson : It's completely factual, she was ultimately burned at the stake. It's documented.

  Mrs. Tingle : Always the victim, aren't we, Miss Watson?

  Leigh Ann Watson : Well there are certain similarities between society today and seventeenth century Salem. I guess that would be the irony of it all.

  Mrs. Tingle : I'm well aware of what Irony is, Miss Watson. You, however, should consult your dictionary.

  Leigh Ann Watson : Of course, I wasn't suggesting that it was...

  Mrs. Tingle : Irony is the opposite of what is or might be expected. For example, if Miss Watson was expecting an A on her history project, she might find the actual result to be - rather ironic.

• Mrs. Tingle : Mr. Churner? Dare I even ask?

  [Luke rises from his desk, walks up to the front of the classroom and places a rock on Mrs. Tingle's desk] 

  Luke Churner : Plymouth Rock.

  Mrs. Tingle : Your work, Mr. Churner, is very reminiscent of a young man who sat in that same chair some 20 years ago. He, too, had the words "No future" printed on his forehead... Do give your father my best.

• Principal Potter : I was thinking...

  Mrs. Tingle : No, don't do that Mr. Potter, we still prefer that bristling wind effect you have on us.

• Mrs. Tingle : Oh, by the way... happy birthday.

  Principal Potter : It's not my birthday, Mrs Tingle.

  Mrs. Tingle : No, not your natal birthday, the AA one. You've been sober, how long is it now?

  Principal Potter : Four years.

  Mrs. Tingle : There! I knew it was this week. Me and dates, you know, that's the curse of being a history teacher. Well congratulations, that's quite an accomplishment. Just think, not one sip of alcohol in over four years, that's almost... unbelievable

• [after accidentally firing a crossbow and nearly killing the teachers pet] 

  Mrs. Tingle : Don't tease us, Mr. Berry. When you shoot, make it count.

  Brian Berry : It wasn't... I-I mean-I didn't think that...

  Mrs. Tingle : No, because that would require a cerebrum, and a few other missing parts.

• Mrs. Tingle : I want you to fail.

• Mrs. Tingle : The smartest girl in school caught cheating, the *irony* of it all.

• Mrs. Tingle : You present yourself with such self-assured tenacity, but your fear shows around the edges. You can do better.

  Jo Lynn Jordan : We're trying, Mrs. Tingle. Work with us.

• Leigh Ann Watson : What's the matter, Mrs. Tingle? Getting scared yourself?

  Mrs. Tingle : Oh no! Ms. Watson, things are just starting to get fun.

• Mrs. Tingle : Haven't you learned by now that history always repeats itself?

• Mrs. Tingle : Well done, Miss Watson.

• Leigh Ann Watson : I am not scared of you.

  Mrs. Tingle : Who do you think you're fooling? You're so scared I can smell it. Your fear is the most predictable thing about you. You've lived your whole life in fear. Terrified of making a mistake, scared to death you won't get that A, that ticket out. Afraid you'll never escape your mother and her name tag. Or your father who won't return your calls. That's why you shunned Luke and every other boy who has ever tried to put his hands on you. You're afraid of getting that bad seed. Afraid of giving birth to a child you never wanted. A child you could only blame for your own wretched existence. Stuck in a small town with a small name. Destined to become that very thing you despise the most. I know all about it, Leigh Ann. I wrote the book! I know you.

• Mrs. Tingle : Luke's a man, Jo Lynn. He'll always pursue that which is unobtainable. It's in his nature.

• Mrs. Tingle : The role of savior does not suit mediocrity, Mr. Churner.

• Mrs. Tingle : Even the innocent sometimes burn at the stake.

• Mrs. Tingle : [DELETED POST-CREDIT SCENE: closeup of a door. There is a knock, and the doorbell rings. The door is opened by an unseen homeowner. Standing just outside is an all-too-familiar figure, well-dressed and carrying a suitcase]  Hello. My name is Eve Tingle.

  [Smiling, she opens the suitcase to display its contents] 

  Mrs. Tingle : Would you care to purchase some lovely encyclopedias?

• Mrs. Tingle : I requested those materials some time ago.

  Principal Potter : We don't have the money.

  Mrs. Tingle : Mr. Potter, I'm sure if you take another look at that nasty budget, ingenuity will abound. So, thank you in advance.

• Mrs. Tingle : Your concern begins and ends with Leigh Ann. Don't worry, Luke. She's attracted to you. I can tell.

  Luke Churner : No, Leigh Ann's pretty repulsed by me.

  Mrs. Tingle : Oh, come on, Luke. You've gotten one or two cheerleaders drunk in your time. You know a thing or two about women. Cleopatra rebuked Anthony simply because she desired him.

• Mrs. Tingle : [Leigh Ann walks in]  Enter Ophelia.

• Luke Churner : She was hiding out in the bathroom. I kept her company and we kind of had our own little party, you know?

  Mrs. Tingle : Sounds incredibly Zhivago.

• Mrs. Tingle : Coach Wenchell and I - have an understanding.

  Jo Lynn Jordan : Oh, how romantic. But, tell me, do you love him, or - are you just spank buddies?

• Mrs. Tingle : You could never play Juliet. You haven't the commitment, the soul.

  Jo Lynn Jordan : Well, there's the Tingle we all know and love, hmm?

  Mrs. Tingle : You've never had a broken heart.

  Jo Lynn Jordan : Yeah, well, at least I have a heart.

• Mrs. Tingle : I resent what you're going to do with that life. Selfish, mindless pursuits of your generation - will only bring us closer to destruction, and I despise it.

  Leigh Ann Watson : That is *not* good enough, Mrs. Tingle. if you're disillusioned with the youth of today, you have no one to blame but yourself.

• Mrs. Tingle : Your move.

  Leigh Ann Watson : Why are you like this? Why are you so bitter and angry? Why do you want to destroy me?

  Mrs. Tingle : I don't want to destroy you. I want to teach you.

  Leigh Ann Watson : Oh, that is bullshit.

• Mrs. Tingle : Always the Salem witch. Completely innocent, wrongly accused.

  Leigh Ann Watson : Ironic, isn't it?

  Mrs. Tingle : You still don't know what that word means. Metaphoric, yes. Symbolic, maybe. But there's no irony involved. Would you please look that word up?

• Mrs. Tingle : You're not too quick, Jo Lynn. You might just make it as an actress after all.

• Leigh Ann Watson : You just want to see me fail.

  Mrs. Tingle : It's your destiny. Haven't you learned by now that history always repeats itself?