Lurcio struggles to deliver the prologue, Ludicrus Sextus suggests the price of freedom should be 500 drachma, and Captain Bilius' shipment of slave girls brings an opportunity to make money.
Ludicrus Sextus must choose Miss Vestal Virgin of BC72, Noxious plots to rig the contest because of the Senator's stance on bawdy houses, and Lurcio is told to find someone more suitable.
Talks of assassinating Caesar see Lurcio chosen as the one, Ammonia overhears the plans and rushes to warn the Emperor, and a striking resemblance gives Ponderous an idea.
Ammonia orders Lurcio to get rid of Senator Lecherous, Nausius wants to help a girl he picks up in the street, and Ludicrus Sextus receives news of a visitor from Rome.
All able-bodied men are called up for war in Britannicus, Lurcio has to act quickly when a familiar face turns up with a group of camp-followers, and two defeated Britons arrive with a gift.
A travelling theatre company causes much excitement in the Senator's household, the behaviour of the leading actor creates an opening, and Lurcio has trouble choosing the right mask.
There's talk of an uprising amongst the slaves, Lurcio's thrown into the dungeon after being caught holding incriminating pamphlets, and repeated rescue attempts make things a little cramped.
Lurcio can't help feeling that the household are trying to get rid of him, news of a pretty visitor leads to ideas of trickery, and a bit of something in the wine results in a lot of something in the air.