Night Train to Murder (1984 TV Movie)

Eric Morecambe: Eric Morecambe

Quotes 

• Ernie : Where is the Scottish Border?.

  Eric : In bed with the landlady!

• [there is an anguished cry from behind the wall] 

  Ernie : [walking towards the wall]  It came from behind this new painting.

  Eric : How do you know it's a new painting?

  Ernie : [showing Eric the red 'paint']  The paint's still wet.

• Ernie : You're so smart.

  Eric : [stops and looks Ernie in the eye]  How could you say that? You met my first partner, didn't you?

• Ernie : [tapping Eric on the shoulder]  I thought you didn't fool around with women?

  Eric : No, what I said was, when it comes to women, I don't fool around!

• Eric : How many clothing coupons did that cost?

  Kathy : [trying not to laugh at Eric's wig]  No, it's Zelda's, she let me have it.

  Eric : I wish she'd let me have it!

• Ernie : How do I look?

  Eric : He He, were there any other survivors?

• Eric : Can anyone here play?

  Cousin Zelda : I can.

  Eric : We realise that, but I was talking about the piano!

• [Milton whispers something to Eric, then Ernie whispers something else to Eric] 

  Eric : [to Milton]  Say that again!

  [Milton repeats his remark, while Ernie plays a short tune on the piano] 

  Eric : [to Ernie]  You're right, it does sound better to music!

• [as they leave, Eric points to the novel in Ernie's hand] 

  Eric : How does it end? It's been right so far!

  Ernie : Well, it's completely wrong now - it says the villain gets away scot free!

  [hands book to Eric] 

• [the novel reveals that the villian gets away] 

  Eric : I don't know why you waste your money!

  [throws the book away] 

  Eric : Come on!

• Eric : [nodding towards Rivers]  I'd like to have met him when he was alive!

• Rivers : It's said that Bonnie Prince Charlie slept in that bed.

  Eric : By the look of it, so did his horse!

• Ernie : That Zelda, did she ever kiss you?

  Eric : No, but she steamed my glasses up a couple of times!

• Eric : [Indicating a shaken Kathy]  What have you been up to with her?

  Train Guard : It's more a case of what she's ben up to with him!

  [Indicates Uncle Felix's corpse, which is hanging from a coat hook on the wall] 

• Eric : [after Zelda laughs at Eric's wig]  you mustn't laugh

  [points to Kathy's dress] 

  Eric : that's a very pretty dress!