Orson Bean credited as playing...
Dr. Lester
- [During a job interview]
- Dr. Lester: Which of these two letters comes first, this one or this one?
- Craig Schwartz: The symbol on the left is not a letter, sir?
- Dr. Lester: Damn, you're good. I was trying to trick you.
- Dr. Lester: Don't toy with Floris, Schwartz.
- Craig Schwartz: Oh, no.
- Dr. Lester: If I was 80 years younger, I'd box your ears.
- Craig Schwartz: I wasn't toying with her sir, I wouldn't - pardon me, how old are you, sir?
- Dr. Lester: 105. Carrot juice, lots of it. I swear, sometimes it's not worth it. I piss orange. And I have to piss sitting down like a goddamn girlie-girl every fifteen minutes. But, nobody wants to die!
- Dr. Lester: Any questions?
- Craig Schwartz: Just one. Why are these ceilings so low?
- Dr. Lester: Low overhead, my boy - we pass the savings on to you! But seriously, that'll all be covered in the orientation.
- Dr. Lester: Nubile. Blondes. Wet with desire. Me in leather. A harness, if you like. And all eyes, Craig, are upon me, as I speak. "Ladies," I begin, "I am the love god Eros." They like that. "I intoxicate you. My spunk is to you manna from heaven."
- Craig Schwartz: Dr. Lester, this is all very - fascinating and stuff, but, I gotta get back home and my wife...
- Dr. Lester: Oh, you have a wife! I'd like to meet her, Craig.
- Craig Schwartz: Yes, sir.
- Dr. Lester: Shall we say dinner Thursday? You can "come" too if you like.
- [chuckles]
- Dr. Lester: You get that? That was a joke! Did you hear what I said? You can "come" too. That was a joke.
- Dr. Lester: Ah to be a young man again, eh, Schwartz?
- [laughs]
- Dr. Lester: Maybe then Floris would care for me.
- Craig Schwartz: But the elderly have so much to offer, sir. they're our link with history.
- Dr. Lester: I don't want to be your goddamn link, damn you. I want to feel Floris' naked thighs next to mine. I want my body to inspire lust in that beautiful complex women. I want her to shiver with a spasm of ecstasy, Schwartz, as I penetrate her...
- Craig Schwartz: Dr. Lester, while I'm flattered you would share your feeling with me, perhaps the workplace is not the most suitable environment for this type of discussion.
- Dr. Lester: All right, your right. All right I tell you what: Meet me after work today at Jerry's juiceteria on Lex, and I'll spill my goddamn guts for you.
- Craig Schwartz: It's just a little mix up with your secretary. My name is Craig Schwartz. I tried to explain that to her.
- Dr. Lester: She's not my secretary. She's what they call an executive liaison. And I am not *banging* her, if that's what you're implying.
- Dr. Lester: Hello, Mr. Juarez.
- Craig Schwartz: Dr. Lester, My name is Craig Schwartz, a small mixup with your secretary...
- Dr. Lester: [into intercom] Security!