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Missione Hamburger

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Dexter: So, Monique, what're you gonna do tonight after you lock up?
Monique: I thought I'd go home.
Dexter: Home? Why?
Monique: Well... that's where my stuff is.

Ed: Welcome to Good Burger, home of the Good Burger! Can I take your order?

Dexter: I don't even remember what my dad looks like.
Ed: I don't remember what my dad looks like either, but at least I get to see him everyday.

Kurt: I want you to bail on Good Burger. You make your sauce for Kurt.
Ed: Who's Kurt?
Kurt: I'm Kurt.
Ed: I'm Ed.
Kurt: I'm aware!
Ed: You said you were Kurt.

Ed: I'm a dude. He's a dude. She's a dude. 'Cause we're all dudes.

Dexter: Haven't I seen you somewhere before?
Ed: Ever been to Australia?
Dexter: No.
Ed: Me neither.

Kurt: From now on, your LIFE is Mondo Burger! You can forget about your friends; you can forget about your family... because Kurt is now both your mother AND your father.
Dexter: [under his breath to a girl beside him] Kurt must look awfully strange naked.

Otis: I caught those Mondo brats dumping shark poison in our sauce.
Dexter: Shark poison!
Ed: Why would they want to harm those innocent sharks?

Customer: [to Ed] Excuse me? Look, I ordered one Good Burger with nothing on it.
Ed: That's what I gave you.
Customer: No! You gave me a bun. Just a bun! Look! There's no meat in here.
Ed: But you said you wanted nothing on it.
Customer: Yes, but I expected a meat patty!
Ed: Dude, a meat patty is something. You said "nothing".
[to Fizz]
Ed: Fizz, is a meat patty something or nothing?
Fizz: Uh, something?
Ed: I win!
Customer: That's it! I am reporting your name to the manager!
Ed: The manager already knows my name.
Customer: [while throwing the bun down] And I'll see you in Hell!
[Leaves]
Ed: OK! See you there!

Dexter: Hey, man, about the contract, why don't we just forget about it?
[Rips contract in half]
Ed: You don't wanna be partners?
Dexter: No, see...
Ed: [Interrupts] Is it because I'm black?

Dexter: Check it, Ed, it's the Mondo Idiot!
Ed: Oh, nice to meet you, Mondo Idiot, I'm Ed.
Kurt: Well, Ed, you better watch your butt man!
Ed: Okay.
[Tries and ends up spinning around and around]
Ed: I give up. There's no way a guy can watch his own butt.

Connie Muldoon: [as she gives her long order, her speed of talking increases] Hello. My name is Connie Muldoon. I'm hosting a family reunion and my oven has run amuck; I think it's the heat actuator. Anyhoo, I'd like to order, uh, three Good Meals, four Junior Good Meals, and 17-piece order of your Good Chunks and, okay, on two of the Junior Good Meals, I need to substitute the Good Cookies for Good Pies. Now, don't fret if that's extra; I'll pony up the overage. And, uh, oh! On the regular Good Meals, I need two of the Good Burgers to have ketchup, mayo, mustard, lettuce, tomato, but no onion; I've got an interview this afternoon. Let's see, that takes care of everyone but Uncle Leslie who doesn't eat meat but, of course, he does eat dairy, so I don't get it. Let's get Leslie a Good Chickwich, some Good Fries, and a Good Root Beer all to go. But I would like to have my beverage while I wait. Now, total me up.

Shaquille O'Neal: Little man, I ordered tomatoes on this Good Burger, and I don't see no tomatoes!
Ed: Well, hang on...
[pulls a couple of tomato slices out of his pocket, and slaps them on Shaq's burger]
Ed: There! Consider yourself tomatoed!
Shaquille O'Neal: You're not like other people are you?
Ed: Nope.

Heather: Hi!
Ed: Hi!
Heather: I'm a psychopath.
Ed: I'm Ed.

Dexter: Ed, I don't know how to say this...
Ed: Oh, well, you just go, "Thiiiissssssssssss."

Roxanne: Would you like to have dinner tomorrow night?
Ed: I like to have dinner every night.

[Ed dumped Trilampathol into the meat supply, causing Mondo Burger to be destroyed]
Ed: I thought that if I took the can, there was a good chance that I'd get caught, but even if I did get the Trilampathol to the proper authorities, Kurt would hire some powerful attornies who would dispute any charges brought against him or Mondo Burger by manipulating the legal system and the way America's court system is congested these days, it would take months to convict him of anything. So I thought I'd take matters into my own hands and dump the Trilampathol into the meat supply, making Mondo Burger a victim of its own foul play.
Dexter: You thought all that?
Ed: Yeah. I'm not stupid.

Kurt: You mess with Kurt, and you go in the grinder.
Dexter: Okay, now this "grinder" of yours. Is it a real grinder or is it just some kind of metaphor?

Ed: What's wrong? Were you bitten by a sheep?
Dexter: What?
Ed: Did you lose your trousers?
[looks down at Dexter's legs]
Dexter: No! Look, you are an unusually bad guesser, so I'm just gonna go ahead and tell you why I'm upset. I gotta come up with $1900 to fix some jerk's car, another $800 to fix my mother's car, and I just got fired. Man! I can't believe Kurt fired me from Mondo Burger... and he yelled at me... and he assaulted me... and he made fun of me...
Ed: [after a long pause] Boy... you must really suck!

Ed: [reading a contract Dexter wants him to sign] I know some of these words.

Ed: Dexter's a chicken!
[pause flapping his arms]
Ed: Mooooooo.

Otis: Can you get me to a hospital? I think I broke my ass.

Monique: [eating a corn-dog] Mm, great corn-dog.
Ed: I wonder how they get the wienie into the corny exterior?
Monique: A question that has plagued mankind for centuries.

Dexter: I could've sworn I've seen you somewhere before.
Ed: Maybe I'm someone famous like a baseball player or a pretty nurse.
Dexter: What? What are you talking about?
Ed: Okay, I give up. Who am I?
Dexter: I don't know *who* you are or *where* I've seen you before or *why* you think you're an attractive nurse.

Heather: [very fast] Have small space aliens ever landed in your brain and told you to break into the zoo and free the kangaroos?
Ed: ...Not that I recall.

Kurt: Can I give you a lift, Ed?
Ed: I don't know, I weigh about 150.
Kurt: Just get in the car.

Dexter: So, Monique, what're you gonna do tonight after you lock up?
Monique: I thought I'd go home.
Dexter: Home? Why?
Monique: Well... that's where my stuff is.

Ed: [Mr. Baily has asked Ed to do a delivery] But I don't do deliveries, sir.
Mr. Baily: Well, you're doing them for now. I fired O'Malley.
Ed: Why?
Mr. Baily: Because the boy showed up for work without his pants!

Angry Customer: Can I get two Good Burgers?
Ed: Sorry, dude, I gotta go get 'em. Customers aren't allowed in back.
Angry Customer: Just give me two Good Burgers!
Ed: Dude, I can't just *give* you two Good Burgers. you hafta pay for 'em.
Angry Customer: [shouts] All right, that's it! I've had it up to *here* with Good Burger!

Ed: [with 2 grapes up his nose] Look! I'm Grape Nose Boy! Bloobity Bloobity Bloobity Bloobity
Dexter: Stop that.
Ed: Bloobity Bloobity Bloobity Bloobity Bloobity Bloobity Bloobity
Dexter: Would you stop?
Ed: Bloobity Bloobity Bloobity Bloobity Bloobity Bloobity Bloobity
Dexter: That ain't funny!
[laughs]
Ed: Bloobity Bloobity Bloobity Bloobity... Made ya laugh!
Dexter: So... Oh, I give up.

Ed: This is where I come to think... I think.
Dexter: Funny, I never figured you as much of a thinker.

Deedee: Ed! There must be 50 customers out there! It's unbelievable! What do you put in that sauce?
Ed: Well, you start off with a little lemon juice and some ketchup...
[Dexter tackles him to the ground]
Ed: Um, look Dexter, I like you as a friend and all but...
Dexter: No! Listen to me carefully.
Ed: Okay.
Dexter: Do not tell anyone the recipe to your sauce.
Ed: Oh, well first you start off with a little lemon juice and some ketchup...
Dexter: *Stop It*! Stop talking. *Never* tell anyone the ingredients of your *sauce*.

Ed: [to Kurt being taken to jail] Hey, just remember, when you mess with Good Burger...
Ed, Dexter: *You* go in the grinder!

Heather: D'you think I'm cute?
Ed: Sure.
Heather: What's cute about me?
Ed: Uh... your head.
Heather: You have a cute head too!
Ed: Well, I try to keep it nice.

Ed: [on a double date, Dexter and Monique are going off alone] What am I supposed to do?
Roxanne: [insulted] Hello?
Ed: Hello! What am I supposed to do?

Mr. Baily: Ed! What are you doing inside the milkshake machine?
Ed: Trying to fix it.
Mr. Baily: Did you turn on the switch?

Dexter: [Ed said something that offended Dexter] You see, right about now, I'd slap you right across your head, but I don't think your brain would understand the concept of pain.
Ed: Wanna see my belly button?

Roxanne: Now Ed, let's go someplace where we could be alone, and get to know each other a little better, now, doesn't that sound more fun then Miniature Golf?
Ed: [thinks about it] Uh... nooooo!

[dressed as a woman]
Dexter: Could you kindly point me in the direction of the little girl's room?

Kurt: OK, Hot Pants! I want to know what's in your sauce!
Ed: Dude, you need a tic-tac!

Ed: And that's Otis, he's 77 years old and worked here longer than anyone.
Otis: I should've died years ago.
Dexter: Tough break.

Ed: Huh! How do you like me now? I'm a dude throwing ice cream! Yeah! Here's vanilla! Take some chocolate! Yeah! Fudge!

[repeated line]
Ed: Welcome to Good Burger, home of the Good Burger. Can I take your order?

Otis: You think you can get me to a hospital? I think I broke my ass?

Ed: You got it!
Dexter: Got what? I'm swinging from a dang pipe!

Mr. Wheat: I'm worried about you.
Dexter: I'm worried about you, too. Have you seen yourself lately? The 'fro, the boots and that jacket. You have a nice summer, Shaft.

Ed: You wanna see my secret place?
Dexter: That's not what I had in mind.

Roxanne: Do you know what would be great on this corn dog?
Ed: A turtleneck?

Mr. Baily: What was our take today?
Fizz: 43 dollars and 9 cents.
Mr. Baily: That's it? Well, I suppose I could always feed my mother cat food.
Dexter: Now probably wouldn't be the best time to ask for a raise?
Mr. Baily: No!

Dexter: There you are, Ed. Um, can I sit here?
Ed: On my lap?
Dexter: No, man. I'll just sit down right next to you.

Dexter: [on the roof of Mondo Burger] How do you expect me to get up there?
Ed: Oh, it's easy. You just jump on the burger, jump on the fry, and then you hop on the cup, and then shimmy up the straw.
Dexter: What is this, American Gladiators?

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By what name was Missione Hamburger (1997) officially released in India in Hindi?

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