Steven M. Porter: Higgins

Les premiers colons

Higgins

Jackson: Sir, Higgins has a story.
Edwards: Well, all right, Higgins. The floor is yours.
Higgins: [clears throat] This particular event happened last summer on my uncle's farm in Virginia. My brother and I had just finished cutting a field of hay, and were enjoying the evening meal, under the shade of an elm tree. He went down for water by the creek and while he was gone, I took a bowl that was filled with delicious plum pudding and placed into it, not one, but two large pieces of sheep shit.
[all men start cracking up except Edwards and Father]
Higgins: When-when he returned, I encouraged him to taste the plum pudding... And as sure as I'm standing before you today, he did! He ate it all. Shit Pudding!
[men continue to crack up]
Higgins: He ate shit pudding!
Edwards: You... got your brother to eat sheep dung.
[Higgins nods and wheezes "Yes" while laughing]
Edwards: Yes, that is a very... amusing story.
Hunt: Tell him...
[still chortling]
Hunt: Tell him the ending. That's the best part.
Higgins: Oh oh oh yeah! And to be perfectly honest with you sir, I have no brother. It was me. I ate sheep shit! I swear, I did.
Edwards: Yes... yes... clever... twist on the end, there.

Hunt: What I remembered the most were the animals.
Edwards: [smiles] Ah, the animals...
Hunt: Fearsome beasts of the mountains and plains. I've seen a bear so powerful... that it *snapped* a man's body in half with his huge jaws. Garrgghh! Garrgghh! I've seen a badger with paws as big as frying pans. Now, that'd rip your face right off! Right off! Nothing you can do with that! Just rip it off! Once there was a hawk that swooped down from the sky... Aggghhh! Aggghhh! Aggghhh! And plucked a man's eyeballs out of his sockets. Auuuggghhh! Auuuggghhh! The fella was screaming, "I'm blind! I can't see! Auuuggghhh! I can't get it off I can't get it off!" *Twice* when I was fishing...
Edwards: Hunt, Hunt, HUNT! I think you're *scaring* the men.
Hunt: I think it's best they know. Gives a man courage to know what he's up against.
Higgins: [Horrified] THERE'S AN ANIMAL NOW!
[everyone except Edwards and Hunt starts firing at the animal]
Higgins: We can't kill it! We're all dead! God save us!
Hunt: Hold your fire! Hold your fire!
Hunt: [everyone stops firing. Hunt looks closely and sees that the animal is just a squirrel nibbling on an acorn]
Hunt, Pratt: It's only a squirrel!
[long awkward pause]
Pratt: He's got something in his hand!
Guy Fontenot: Something in his hand!
[they continue firing at the squirrel]