- Walter Sobchak: Nihilists! Fuck me. I mean, say what you want about the tenets of National Socialism, Dude, at least it's an ethos.
- The Stranger: Take it easy, Dude.
- The Dude: Oh, yeah!
- The Stranger: I know that you will.
- The Dude: Yeah, well - the Dude abides.
- [Exits with beers in hand]
- The Stranger: [to the camera] The Dude abides. I don't know about you but I take comfort in that. It's good knowin' he's out there. The Dude. Takin' 'er easy for all us sinners.
- The Dude: Let me explain something to you. Um, I am not "Mr. Lebowski". You're Mr. Lebowski. I'm the Dude. So that's what you call me. You know, that or, uh, His Dudeness, or uh, Duder, or El Duderino if you're not into the whole brevity thing.
- The Dude: Walter, I love you, but sooner or later, you're going to have to face the fact you're a goddamn moron.
- Blond Treehorn Thug: [holding up a bowling ball] What the fuck is this?
- The Dude: Obviously you're not a golfer.
- Jesus Quintana: Are you ready to be fucked, man? I see you rolled your way into the semis. Dios mio, man. Liam and me, we're gonna fuck you up.
- The Dude: Yeah, well, you know, that's just like, uh, your opinion, man.
- Jesus Quintana: Let me tell *you* something, pendejo. You pull any of your crazy shit with us, you flash a piece out on the lanes, I'll take it away from you, and stick it up your ass and pull the fucking trigger 'til it goes "click."
- The Dude: Jesus.
- Jesus Quintana: You said it, man. Nobody fucks with the Jesus.
- [walks off]
- Walter Sobchak: Eight-year-olds, Dude.
- The Big Lebowski: Are you employed, sir?
- The Dude: Employed?
- The Big Lebowski: You don't go out looking for a job dressed like that? On a weekday?
- The Dude: Is this a... what day is this?
- The Big Lebowski: Well, I do work, sir, so if you don't mind...
- The Dude: I do mind, the Dude minds. This will not stand, ya know, this aggression will not stand, man.
- The Dude: Rug pee-ers did not do this. Look at it: a young trophy wife, marries this guy for his money, she figures he hasn't given her enough, you know, she owes money all over town.
- Walter Sobchak: That, fuckin' - bitch...
- The Dude: It's all a god damn fake, man. It's like Lenin said: you look for the person who will benefit, and, uh, uh, you know...
- Donny: I am the walrus.
- The Dude: You know, you'll uh, uh - well, you know what I'm trying' to say...
- Donny: I am the walrus.
- Walter Sobchak: That fucking bitch!
- The Dude: Oh yeah!
- Donny: I am the walrus.
- Walter Sobchak: Shut the fuck up, Donny! V.I. Lenin. Vladimir Ilyich Ulyanov!
- Donny: What the fuck is he talking about?
- Bunny Lebowski: I'll suck your cock for a thousand dollars.
- Brandt: Ah hahahahaha! Wonderful woman. We're all, we're all very fond of her. Very free-spirited.
- Bunny Lebowski: Brandt can't watch, though, or he has to pay a hundred.
- Brandt: Ah haha. That's marvelous.
- The Dude: Uh, I'm just gonna go find a cash machine.
- The Dude: God damn you, Walter! You fuckin' asshole! Everything's a fuckin' travesty with you, man! And what was all that shit about Vietnam? What the *fuck* has anything got to do with Vietnam? What the fuck are you talking about?
- Walter Sobchak: I'm saying, I see what you're getting at, Dude, he kept the money. My point is, here we are, it's shabbas, the sabbath, which I'm allowed to break only if it's a matter of life or death...
- The Dude: Will you come off it, Walter? You're not even fucking Jewish, man.
- Walter Sobchak: What the fuck are you talkin' about?
- The Dude: Man, you're fucking Polish Catholic...
- Walter Sobchak: What the fuck are you talking about? I converted when I married Cynthia! Come on, Dude!
- The Dude: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah...
- Walter Sobchak: And you know this!
- The Dude: Yeah, and five fucking years ago you were divorced.
- Walter Sobchak: So what are you saying? When you get divorced you turn in your library card? You get a new license? You stop being Jewish?
- The Dude: It's all a part of your sick Cynthia thing, man. Taking care of her fucking dog. Going to her fucking synagogue. You're living in the fucking past.
- Walter Sobchak: Three thousand years of beautiful tradition, from Moses to Sandy Koufax...
- [shouting]
- Walter Sobchak: YOU'RE GODDAMN RIGHT I'M LIVIN' IN THE FUCKIN' PAST!
- Walter Sobchak: [shouted repeatedly while smashing a car with a crow bar]
- Walter Sobchak: This is what happens when you fuck a stranger in the ass!
- Walter Sobchak: This is what happens when you find a stranger in the Alps!
- [censored version]
- [first lines]
- The Stranger: [voiceover] Way out west there was this fella... fella I wanna tell ya about. Fella by the name of Jeff Lebowski. At least that was the handle his loving parents gave him, but he never had much use for it himself. Mr. Lebowski, he called himself "The Dude". Now, "Dude" - that's a name no one would self-apply where I come from. But then there was a lot about the Dude that didn't make a whole lot of sense. And a lot about where he lived, likewise. But then again, maybe that's why I found the place so darned interestin'. They call Los Angeles the "City Of Angels." I didn't find it to be that, exactly. But I'll allow there are some nice folks there. 'Course I can't say I've seen London, and I ain't never been to France. And I ain't never seen no queen in her damned undies, so the feller says. But I'll tell you what - after seeing Los Angeles, and this here story I'm about to unfold, well, I guess I seen somethin' every bit as stupefyin' as you'd see in any of them other places. And in English, too. So I can die with a smile on my face, without feelin' like the good Lord gypped me. Now this here story I'm about to unfold took place back in the early '90s - just about the time of our conflict with Sad'm and the I-raqis. I only mention it because sometimes there's a man... I won't say a hero, 'cause, what's a hero? But sometimes, there's a man. And I'm talkin' about the Dude here. Sometimes, there's a man, well, he's the man for his time and place. He fits right in there. And that's the Dude, in Los Angeles. And even if he's a lazy man - and the Dude was most certainly that. Quite possibly the laziest in Los Angeles County, which would place him high in the runnin' for laziest worldwide. But sometimes there's a man, sometimes, there's a man. Aw. I lost my train of thought here. But... aw, hell. I've done introduced him enough.
- Walter Sobchak: Am I wrong?
- The Dude: No you're not wrong.
- Walter Sobchak: Am I wrong?
- The Dude: You're not wrong Walter. You're just an asshole.
- Walter Sobchak: Okay then.
- [Maude shows the porn video starring Bunny to the Dude]
- Sherry in 'Logjammin': [on video] You must be here to fix the cable.
- Maude Lebowski: Lord. You can imagine where it goes from here.
- The Dude: He fixes the cable?
- Maude Lebowski: Don't be fatuous, Jeffrey.
- Maude Lebowski: What do you do for recreation?
- The Dude: Oh, the usual. I bowl. Drive around. The occasional acid flashback.
- Younger Cop: And was there anything of value in the car?
- The Dude: Oh, uh, yeah, uh... a tape deck, some Creedence tapes, and there was a, uh... uh, my briefcase.
- Younger Cop: [expectant pause] In the briefcase?
- The Dude: Uh, uh, papers, um, just papers, uh, you know, uh, my papers, business papers.
- Younger Cop: And what do you do, sir?
- The Dude: I'm unemployed.
- The Dude: Walter, ya know, it's Smokey, so his toe slipped over the line a little, big deal. It's just a game, man.
- Walter Sobchak: Dude, this is a league game, this determines who enters the next round robin. Am I wrong? Am I wrong?
- Smokey: Yeah, but I wasn't over. Gimme the marker Dude, I'm marking it 8.
- Walter Sobchak: [pulls out a gun] Smokey, my friend, you are entering a world of pain.
- The Dude: Walter...
- Walter Sobchak: You mark that frame an 8, and you're entering a world of pain.
- Smokey: I'm not...
- Walter Sobchak: A world of pain.
- Smokey: Dude, he's your partner...
- Walter Sobchak: [shouting] Has the whole world gone crazy? Am I the only one around here who gives a shit about the rules? Mark it zero!
- The Dude: They're calling the cops, put the piece away.
- Walter Sobchak: Mark it zero!
- [points gun in Smokey's face]
- The Dude: Walter...
- Walter Sobchak: [shouting] You think I'm fucking around here? Mark it zero!
- Smokey: All right, it's fucking zero. Are you happy, you crazy fuck?
- Walter Sobchak: ...It's a league game, Smokey.
- The Dude: Walter, what is the point? Look, we all know who is at fault here, what the fuck are you talking about?
- Walter Sobchak: Huh? No, what the fuck are you... I'm not... We're talking about unchecked aggression here, dude.
- Donny: What the fuck is he talking about?
- The Dude: My rug.
- Walter Sobchak: Forget it, Donny, you're out of your element!
- The Dude: Walter, the chinaman who peed on my rug, I can't go give him a bill, so what the fuck are you talking about?
- Walter Sobchak: What the fuck are you talking about? The chinaman is not the issue here, Dude. I'm talking about drawing a line in the sand, Dude. Across this line, you DO NOT... Also, Dude, "chinaman" is not the preferred nomenclature. Asian-American, please.
- The Dude: Walter, this isn't a guy who built the railroads here. This is a guy...
- Walter Sobchak: What the fuck are you...?
- The Dude: Walter, he peed on my rug!
- Donny: He peed on the Dude's rug.
- Walter Sobchak: Donny, you're out of your element! Dude, the chinaman is not the issue here!
- Walter Sobchak: He lives in North Hollywood on Radford, near the In-and-Out Burger...
- The Dude: The In-and-Out Burger is on Camrose.
- Walter Sobchak: Near the In-and-Out Burger...
- Donny: Those are good burgers, Walter.
- Walter Sobchak: Shut the fuck up, Donny.
- The Dude: Nobody calls me Lebowski. You got the wrong guy. I'm the Dude, man.
- Blond Treehorn Thug: Your name's Lebowski, Lebowski. Your wife is Bunny.
- The Dude: My... my wi-, my wife, Bunny? Do you see a wedding ring on my finger? Does this place look like I'm fucking married? The toilet seat's up, man!
- [while dunking the Dude's head in the toilet]
- Blond Treehorn Thug: Where's the money, Lebowski? Where's the fucking money, shithead?
- The Dude: It's uh... uh... it's down there somewhere, let me take another look.
- The Dude: We dropped off the damn money...
- The Big Lebowski: We?
- The Dude: I! The Royal "we"! You know, the editorial...
- The Stranger: There's just one thing, Dude.
- The Dude: And what's that?
- The Stranger: Do you have to use so many cuss words?
- The Dude: What the fuck you talking about?
- The Stranger: Okay, Dude. Have it your way.
- Walter Sobchak: Were you listening to The Dude's story, Donny?
- The Dude: Walter...
- Donny: What?
- Walter Sobchak: Were you listening to The Dude's story?
- Donny: I was bowling.
- Walter Sobchak: So you have no frame of reference here, Donny. You're like a child who wanders into the middle of a movie and wants to know...
- The Dude: (interrupting) Walter, Walter, what's the point, man?
- Walter Sobchak: There's no reason - here's my point, dude, there's no fucking reason why these two...
- Donny: Yeah, Walter, what's your point?
- Maude Lebowski: Does the female form make you uncomfortable, Mr. Lebowski?
- The Dude: Uh, is that what this is a picture of?
- Maude Lebowski: In a sense, yes. My art has been commended as being strongly vaginal, which bothers some men. The word itself makes some men uncomfortable. Vagina.
- The Dude: Oh, yeah?
- Maude Lebowski: Yes, they don't like hearing it and find it difficult to say, whereas without batting an eye, a man will refer to his dick or his rod or his Johnson.
- The Dude: Johnson?
- Walter Sobchak: That rug really tied the room together, did it not?
- The Dude: Fuckin' A.
- Donny: And this guy peed on it.
- Walter Sobchak: Donny, please.
- The Dude: Walter... what am I going to tell Lebowski?
- Walter Sobchak: I told that fuck down at the league office... who's in charge of scheduling?
- The Dude: Walter...
- Donny: Burkhalter.
- Walter Sobchak: I told that kraut a fucking thousand times that I don't roll on Shabbos!
- The Dude: Walter...
- Donny: They already posted it.
- Walter Sobchak: Well they can *fucking unpost it*!
- The Dude: Who gives a shit! They're gonna kill that poor woman, man! What am I gonna tell Lebowski?
- Walter Sobchak: C'mon, Dude, eventually she'll get sick of her little game and, you know, wander on back.
- Donny: How come you don't roll on Saturday, Walter?
- Walter Sobchak: I'm shomer shabbos.
- Donny: What's that?
- The Dude: Yeah, and in the meantime, what do I tell Lebowski?
- Walter Sobchak: Saturday, Donny, is Shabbos, the Jewish day of rest. That means that I don't work, I don't drive a car, I don't fucking ride in a car, I don't handle money, I don't turn on the oven, and I sure as shit *don't fucking roll*!
- Donny: Sheesh.
- Walter Sobchak: Shomer shabbos!
- The Dude: Walter, how am I going to...
- Walter Sobchak: Shomer fucking shabbos.
- The Dude: Oh, fuck it. I'm out of here.
- Walter Sobchak: Come on, Dude...
- [rolls his eyes at Donny]
- Walter Sobchak: Fucking *baby... *
- [Donny nods]
- The Dude: This is a very complicated case, Maude. You know, a lotta ins, a lotta outs, a lotta what-have-yous. And, uh, a lotta strands to keep in my head, man. Lotta strands in old Duder's head.
- The Dude: What's in the fuckin' carrier?
- Walter Sobchak: Huh? Oh, that's Cynthia's dog. I think it's a Pomeranian. I can't leave him home alone or he eats the furniture. I'm watching him while Cynthia and Marty Ackerman are in Hawaii.
- The Dude: You brought the fuckin' Pomeranian bowling?
- Walter Sobchak: What do you mean brought it bowling, Dude? I didn't rent it shoes. I'm not buying it a fucking beer. He's not taking your fucking turn, Dude.
- The Dude: Man, if my fuckin' ex-wife asked me to take care of her fuckin' dog while she and her boyfriend went to Honolulu I'd tell her to go fuck herself.
- Walter Sobchak: Also, let's not forget - let's *not* forget, Dude - that keeping wildlife, an amphibious rodent, for uh, domestic, you know, within the city - that aint legal either.
- The Dude: What are you, a fucking park ranger now?
- Walter Sobchak: No, I'm...
- The Dude: Who gives a shit about the fucking marmot!
- Walter Sobchak: Lady, I got buddies who died face down in the muck so that you and I could enjoy this family restaurant!
- Walter Sobchak: You want a toe? I can get you a toe, believe me. There are ways, Dude. You don't wanna know about it, believe me.
- The Dude: Yeah, but Walter...
- Walter Sobchak: Hell, I can get you a toe by 3 o'clock this afternoon... with nail polish. These fucking amateurs...
- The Big Lebowski: What makes a man, Mr. Lebowski?
- The Dude: Dude.
- The Big Lebowski: Huh?
- The Dude: Uhh... I don't know sir.
- The Big Lebowski: Is it being prepared to do the right thing, whatever the cost? Isn't that what makes a man?
- The Dude: Hmmm... Sure, that and a pair of testicles.
- The Dude: Just take it easy, man.
- Walter Sobchak: I'm perfectly calm, Dude.
- The Dude: [shouting] Yeah, waving the fucking gun around?
- Walter Sobchak: Calmer than you are.
- The Dude: Will you just take it easy?
- Walter Sobchak: Calmer than you are.
- The Big Lebowski: I didn't blame anyone for the loss of my legs. Some chinaman took them from me in Korea.
- Walter Sobchak: Donny was a good bowler, and a good man. He was one of us. He was a man who loved the outdoors... and bowling, and as a surfer he explored the beaches of Southern California, from La Jolla to Leo Carrillo and... up to... Pismo. He died, like so many young men of his generation, he died before his time. In your wisdom, Lord, you took him, as you took so many bright flowering young men at Khe Sanh, at Langdok, at Hill 364. These young men gave their lives. And so would Donny. Donny, who loved bowling. And so, Theodore Donald Karabotsos, in accordance with what we think your dying wishes might well have been, we commit your final mortal remains to the bosom of the Pacific Ocean, which you loved so well. Good night, sweet prince.
- The Dude: I dropped off the money exactly as per... look, man, I've got certain information, all right? Certain things have come to light. And, you know, has it ever occurred to you, that, instead of, uh, you know, running around, uh, uh, blaming me, you know, given the nature of all this new shit, you know, I-I-I-I... this could be a-a-a-a lot more, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, complex, I mean, it's not just, it might not be just such a simple... uh, you know?
- The Big Lebowski: What in God's holy name are you blathering about?
- The Dude: I'll tell you what I'm blathering about... I've got information man! New shit has come to light! And shit... man, she kidnapped herself. Well sure, man. Look at it... a young trophy wife, in the parlance of our times, you know, and she, uh, uh, owes money all over town, including to known pornographers, and that's cool... that's, that's cool, I'm, I'm saying, she needs money, man. And of course they're going to say that they didn't get it, because... she wants more, man! She's got to feed the monkey, I mean uh... hasn't that ever occurred to you, man? Sir?
- [the Dude, Walter, and Donny walk out of the bowling alley, to find the three Nihilists waiting in front of the Dude's car, which has been torched]
- The Dude: Well, they finally did it. They killed my fucking car.
- Nihilist: Ve vant ze money, Lebowski.
- Nihilist #2: Ja, uzzervize ve kill ze girl.
- Nihilist #3: Ja, it seems you have forgotten our little deal, Lebowski.
- The Dude: You don't HAVE the fucking girl, dipshits! We know you never did!
- [the Nihilists, stunned, confer amongst themselves in German]
- Donny: Are these the Nazis, Walter?
- Walter Sobchak: No, Donny, these men are nihilists, there's nothing to be afraid of.
- Nihilist: Ve don't care. Ve still vant ze money, Lebowski, or ve fuck you ups.
- Walter Sobchak: Fuck you. Fuck the three of you.
- The Dude: Hey, cool it Walter.
- Walter Sobchak: No, without a hostage, there is no ransom. That's what ransom is. Those are the fucking rules.
- Nihilist #2: His girlfriend gave up her toe!
- Nihilist #3: She though we'd be getting million dollars!
- Nihilist #2: Iss not fair!
- Walter Sobchak: Fair! WHO'S THE FUCKING NIHILIST HERE! WHAT ARE YOU, A BUNCH OF FUCKING CRYBABIES?
- The Dude: Hey, cool it Walter. Look, pal, there never was any money. The big Lebowski gave me an empty briefcase, so take it up with him, man!
- Walter Sobchak: And, I would like my undies back.
- [Stunned, the Germans confer amongst themselves again]
- Donny: Are they gonna hurt us, Walter?
- Walter Sobchak: No, Donny. These men are cowards.
- Nihilist: Okay. So we take ze money you haf on you, und ve calls it eefen.
- Walter Sobchak: Fuck you!
- The Dude: Mr. Treehorn treats objects like women, man.
- Malibu Police Chief: Mr. Treehorn draws a lot of water in this town. You don't draw shit, Lebowski. Now we got a nice, quiet little beach community here, and I aim to keep it nice and quiet. So let me make something plain. I don't like you sucking around, bothering our citizens, Lebowski. I don't like your jerk-off name. I don't like your jerk-off face. I don't like your jerk-off behavior, and I don't like you, jerk-off. Do I make myself clear?
- The Dude: [after a pause] I'm sorry, I wasn't listening.
- Walter Sobchak: Is this your homework, Larry? Is this your homework, Larry?
- The Dude: Look, man...
- Walter Sobchak: Dude, please? Is this your homework, Larry?
- The Dude: Just ask him about the car.
- Walter Sobchak: Is this yours, Larry? Is this your homework, Larry?
- The Dude: Is that your car out front?
- Walter Sobchak: Is this your homework, Larry?
- The Dude: We know it's his fucking homework! Where's the fucking money, you little brat?
- Walter Sobchak: Look, Larry. Have you ever heard of Vietnam?
- The Dude: Oh, for Christ's sake, Walter...
- Walter Sobchak: You're entering a world of pain, son. We know that this is your homework. We know that you stole a car.
- The Dude: And the fucking money.
- Walter Sobchak: And the fucking money. And, we know that this is your homework.
- The Dude: We're going to cut your dick off, Larry.
- Walter Sobchak: You're killing your father, Larry!