Scott Thompson credited as playing...
Baxter • Mrs. Hurdicure • Wally • Malek • The Queen • Big Stummies Scientist • Raj • Clemptor
- Wally: Doctor, why do those types
- [motions with hands]
- Wally: keep thinking that I'm one of them?
- Psychiatrist: Well, Wally, because you *are* one of them. You are gay. You are gay. You are a homosexual. The opposite of straight, you're gay. I know it. Your family knows it. DOGS know it! Everyone seems to know it except you.
- [after being brought home by the police]
- Wally: There's a perfectly reasonable explanation for this.
- Wally's wife: Please don't.
- Wally: Well, I was out driving. 'Cause you know how much I love driving. When suddenly, I had to take the *biggest pee in the world*! So I went to this washroom...
- [Wally's family goes inside and locks him out]
- Wally: ...but it was full of those *types*! You know. QUEERS and QUEENIES and...
- Drill sergeant: You... are... scum! Do you hear me soldier?
- Wally: Yes, sir!
- Drill sergeant: Do you know what we are going to be doing today?
- Wally: No, sir!
- Drill sergeant: We are going to be doing push-ups all day, you and me, all day!
- [Wally smiles]
- Drill sergeant: Do you think that's funny soldier?
- Wally: No, sir!
- Drill sergeant: Well, just for that, you are going to be doing those push-ups with me lying on your back! You are going to discover muscles, you never knew you had! Big... muscles, hard... muscles!
- Wally: Oh, yesss, sir!
- Placebo Patient: No. It's been two weeks and I don't feel any different. All I've done is gain eight pounds. Now, what's in this?
- Baxter: Oh, a little of this and a little of that. Open
- Placebo Patient: It's sugar isn't it?
- [shouts]
- Placebo Patient: I'm in the placebo group.
- Mrs. Hurdicure: [looking at drug] What will this do?
- Dr. Cooper: Well, it reaches into your brain "chemically," and then it locates your happiest memory "chemically," then it locks onto that emotion and freezes it "chemically," and then it keeps you happy, happy.
- Baxter: Chris? She's depressed, not stupid!