The Incredibly True Adventure of Two Girls in Love (1995)

Laurel Holloman: Randy Dean

Photos 

Quotes 

• Randy : You know I hate math... and English... and History.

• Randy : I don't want to shock you or anything, but I really want to hold your hand right now. I've been wanting to hold your hand all day.

  Evie : I've held hands with a girl before.

  Randy : With a girl like me?

  Evie : No I guess not. But what's the worst that could happen?

  Randy : We could get the shit kicked out of us is all.

  Evie : Just for holding hands? I don't believe that.

  Randy : God Evie, you are so sheltered.

  Evie : [holding out her hand]  Then unshelter me.

• Randy : I'll have a beer.

  Waitress : What kind?

  Randy : A Mick.

  Waitress : A what?

  Randy : A Mick... ya know, Michelob?

  Waitress : You got ID?

  Randy : [pretends to look for ID]  Shit, ya know, I must've left it at work.

  Waitress : No ID, no Mick.

  Randy : Alright then, I'll have a cup of joe.

  Waitress : A what?

  [both girls look at her incredulously] 

  Waitress : Just kidding, two cups of coffee coming up.

  Randy : Everyone's got to be a kidder.

• Evie : I'm at my wit's end. I really am. I don't know what to do anymore.

  Randy : Try going out with a married woman.

  Evie : Excuse me?

  Randy : Oh nothing. I just said everybody needs love, that's all.

• [after Wendy's husband has grabbed Randy by the neck and threatened her] 

  Wendy : I just wanted to say that you-know-who is all brawn and no bite.

  Randy : Thanks for the info.

• Evie : I know this sounds weird but I just can't put the air in the tires because I think they're going to blow up in my face.

  Randy : Well, actually, you know, tires don't blow up from having air put in them, but um, I'll put some air in it if you want me to.

• Randy : I like poems. I mean, do you like Billie Holiday? I think she's kind of a poet.

• Randy : Some asshole at work called me "sir" again today.

• Randy : [after admitting she's having a fling with a married woman]  You're not weirded out, are you?

  Evie : No. No. Not at all. I mean, why should I be?

  Randy : Well, most people are. At least most people at our school.

  Evie : Well, I'm not most people.

• Randy : You know, I'm depraved on account of I'm deprived.

• Randy : I think proms are stupid.

  Vicky : God, I would've given anything to go to the prom if I had a girlfriend in high school.

  Lena : I went to the prom with a girl.

  Vicky : Going with your sister doesn't count, Lena.

  Lena : She's a good dancer.

  Regina : Don't tell me you wouldn't want to go to the prom with your girlfriend, Randy.

  Randy : First off, I don't have a girlfriend. Second off, I think proms are stupid. And third off, if I went to the prom, I would go with Frank.

  Lena : Frank's a good dancer.

• Randy : What's symbiotic mean?

  Evie : It means when you're really, really close to someone. Like, too close. Like um... an infant and its mother.

  Randy : I knew that.

• Randy : Evie, there's somebody downstairs. Evie! What if it's a murderer or something?

  Evie : [nonchalantly]  Okay.

• Randy : [about Mozart's Requiem]  What are they saying?

  Evie : I have no idea. Something in Latin. Isn't it beautiful?

  Randy : How do you know it's beautiful if you can't understand it?

  Evie : You just know.

• Evie : This is a really great cookbook... Antoine's. It's amazing.

  Randy : Who's Antoine?

  Evie : I don't know.

  Randy : You don't know?

  Evie : No.

  Randy : Why do you have his cookbook?

• Randy : [Practicing what to say to Evie]  Hey, Evie, you wanna meet my weird family and eat organic pasta at my house?