- Andy: Marriages don't work when one partner is happy and the other is miserable. Marriage is about both people being equally miserable.
- Mickey: You're out of here, Jabbar!
- Kareem Abdul-Jabbar: Are you nuts? It's my farewell game.
- Mickey: Well then, let me be the first to say farewell.
- Ellen: Do you sleep with the window open?
- Mickey: Yeah.
- Ellen: I don't like it. You will have to stop that.
- Mickey: Ok.
- Ellen: Do you squeeze the toothpaste at the top or the bottom?
- Mickey: Top.
- Ellen: Don't do that I hate that. If you ever use my car, make sure the mirror is back where I put it.
- Mickey: Ok, I can do that.
- Ellen: All right. Do you want to talk about religion, politics, whether you want to have kids or not.
- Mickey: Nah, that crap will work itself out, we are fine with the big issues.
- Ellen: Ok, I'll marry you.
- Mickey: I am very impressed, you've got little kids over here, 2-3 years old, and they're already speaking French.
- Mickey: [Mickey finds out Ellen is married] You don't do this to a person, you know? You don't walk around being fabulous when you know you're not available.
- Tim Hardaway: [during a timeout in the middle of a game] where do you buy your clothes from?
- Mickey: why?
- Tim Hardaway: my wife and I are looking into having a kid so we want to know where to shop
- Mickey: [Sarcastically] very funny
- Mickey Gordon: [Walking slowly with Johnson he dribbles the ball slowly during a game] what are you? Tired?
- Dan Majerle: [jokingly] Yeah your girlfriend kept waking me up last night.
- Mickey Gordon: [sarcastically] oh very funny.
- Mickey: Never say, "famous last words," because they could be.
- Ellen: You're a disturbed person, aren't you?
- Mickey: [Using the exact words - with similar deadpan voice and facial expression - of Jeremy Irons as the character Claus von Bulow replying to a similar comment in the 1990 film, "Reversal of Fortune"] You have no idea.