I popped this DVD into my player with no expectations. I just wanted to see a good horror B movie. The creepy picture of "Morty" (the thoroughly menacing wooden monster on the front cover of the DVD box) made me think this movie could deliver the goods.
I thought it was an interesting premise. I love horror movies where inanimate objects come to life and kill! Kill! KILL!! I love brutal death scenes. I love evil, sickening monsters that commit unspeakable acts on the human form, and I love movies that have the guts (no pun intended!) to show it all in gruesome gory detail.
Despite the interesting premise, the film completely fails to deliver the goods!
First, the characters are absolutely horribly written and completely unlikeable. The actors didn't do that bad of a job, its just the way all these cliched characters were written that makes me not give anything resembling a damn about them. All the cliches are here: the whiny bitch, the new-ager who predicts beforehand that something weird/supernatural is happening, the dirty psycho/sleazebag, and the token black guy (first to get killed of course!). Not helping is this white guy with dreadlocks. I guess he supposed to be comic relief, but he fails so, so badly.
Second, The action is virtually non-existent. Not a one cool death in the whole lame film. No blood, no gore, no nudity, no one-liners, none of the things that make B horror movies fun to watch. Not to mention, the movie is so dark, its nearly impossible too see the pathetic action sequences when they do occur. Morty looks scary but acts stupid and moves like a retarded zombie.
FINAL RATING: 3/10 Bad pacing makes this wholly unscary, and complete lack of violence and nudity make it wholly uncool. Movie takes itself way too seriously! It tires to be deep but comes off boring. Only minimal skill was evident. Not even a decent B horror genre flick...and come on, thats not asking much!
Noob Aalox
