Friends (1994–2004)
Courteney Cox: Monica Geller, Monica Geller-Bing
Photos
Quotes
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Monica : You wanted it to be a surprise.
Chandler : Oh, my God.
Monica : Chandler, in all my life I never thought I would be so lucky as to fall in love with my best, my best...
[crying]
Monica : There's a reason why girls don't do this.
Chandler : Okay, okay I'll do it. I thought, wait I can do this, I thought that it mattered what I said or where I said it. Then I realized the only thing that matters is that you, that you make me happier than I ever thought I could be and if you let me I will spend the rest of my life trying to make you feel the same way. Monica, will you marry me?
Monica : Yes.
-
[Joey just got ordained via the internet so that he could perform Monica and Chandler's wedding]
Joey : Hey, I started working on what I'm going to say at the ceremony. Wanna hear it?
Joey : We are gathered here today on this joyous occasion to celebrate the special love that Monica and Chandler share.
[Monica and Chandler look impressed]
Joey : It is a love based of giving and receiving as well as having and sharing. And the love that they give and have is shared and received. And through this having and giving and sharing and receiving, we too can share and love and have... and receive.
[later]
Joey : Okay, you guys, I've got a little more written... are you ready?
Chandler : Yeah, yeah. Okay.
Joey : When I think of the love that these two givers and receivers share, I cannot help but envy the lifetime ahead of having and loving and giving... and then I can't think of a good word for right here.
Monica : How bout receiving?
Joey : Yes!
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Monica : Guys can fake it? Unbelievable! The one thing that's ours!
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[Re: "If you had to give up sex or food, which would you pick?"]
Monica : Sex!
Chandler : Seriously. Answer faster.
Monica : I'm sorry, sweetie. When she said "sex" I wasn't thinking of sex with you.
Chandler : It's like a big hug.
Phoebe : Ross, how about you? Sex or food?
Ross : Sex!
Phoebe : What about sex or dinosaurs?
Ross : My God, it's like Sophie's Choice.
Phoebe : Joey, if you had to give up sex or food, which would you pick?
Joey : I don't know it's too hard.
Rachel : Come on, you have to answer.
Joey : Okay... sex. No, food. No, uh... I want both! I want girls on bread!
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Monica : Rach, it's the Visa card people.
Rachel : Oh, God, ask them what they want.
Monica : [on the phone] Could you please tell me what this is in reference to? Yes, hold on.
[to Rachel]
Monica : Um, they say there's been some unusual activity on your account.
Rachel : But I haven't used my card in weeks.
Monica : That is the unusual activity.
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Monica : [chasing after him] Chandler. It happens to lots of guys. You-you-you were probably tired, you had a lot of champagne, don't worry about it.
Chandler : [motioning with his hands] I'm not worried, I'm uh, I'm fascinated. Y'know it's like uh, Biology. Which is funny because in high school I uh, I-I failed Biology and tonight Biology failed me.
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[a ritual to get rid of bad-boyfriend karma]
Phoebe : Okay, now we need the sage branches and the sacramental wine.
Monica : All I have is oregano and a Fresca.
Phoebe : That's okay.
[Adds them]
Phoebe : All right, now we need the semen of a righteous man.
Rachel : OK, Pheebs, you know what? If we had that, we wouldn't be doing the ritual in the first place.
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Joey : Ooh-ooh-ooh. Are we opening presents?
Monica : No. No. I shouldn't have even opened these. I mean I - Joey, I am out of control. Joey, you have to do me a favor. No matter what I say, no matter what I do, please do not let me open another present. Okay?
Joey : Okay.
Monica : Give me one more.
Joey : Okay.
[hands her one]
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Joey : I am telling this to Rachel.
Monica : No, Joey.
Joey : Unless...
Chandler : Unless what?
Joey : Unless you name your first born after me.
Chandler : What? Why?
Joey : Because, I may never have kids. Somebody's gonna have to carry on my family name.
Chandler : Your family name is Tribianni.
[pause]
Joey : Oh ho ho. You almost had me there.
-
Monica : Hi.
Chandler : You are not gonna believe what I did today.
Monica : Well, clearly you didn't shower or shave.
Chandler : I got good. I played this game all day and now I rule. They should change the name to Ms. Chandler.
[pause]
Chandler : Although, I hope they don't.
Monica : Wait a minute, you staid home all day playing Ms. Pacman, while I was at work like some kind of chump?
Chandler : Yeah, and I got all the top ten scores and erased Phoebe off the board. High five!
Monica : What is the matter with your hand?
Chandler : Well, I've been playing for like eight hours. It'll loosen up, come on check out the scores. Oh, and also look at the initials, their dirty words.
Monica : Chandler, why would you do that?
Chandler : Because it's awesome.
Monica : You think this is clever?
Chandler : Well, they only give you three letters, so after A.S.S., it is a bit of a challenge.
Monica : Wait a minute, this one's not dirty.
Chandler : Well, it is, when you put it together with that one.
Monica : Oh, well, if you don't clear this off, you wont be getting those from me. Ben's coming tomorrow over to play this game, this can't be there.
Chandler : Come on, he wont even know what they mean.
Monica : He's seven, not stupid.
Chandler : Have you talked to him lately?
Monica : All right, I'm just going to unplug it...
Chandler : No, no, no, if you'll unplug it, then there will be nothing to show from my day. It would be like I was at work!
[Monica unplugs it]
Chandler : Look at that, look at that, it's still there, this thing must have a primitive ROM chip!
Monica : You gotta beat your scores.
Chandler : With the claw?
Monica : Fine, I'll do it. We gotta get this off the screen. Carol and Susan are still upset that you taught him "Pull my finger".
Chandler : Pull my finger... my hand is messed up!
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Ross : Oh, really? Well, I guess Monica should know about Atlantic City.
Chandler : Du-ude!
Monica : What happened in Atlantic City?
Ross : Well, Chandler and I are in a bar...
Chandler : Did you not hear me say, "Du-ude"?
Ross : ...and this girl is making eyes at Chandler, okay? So after a while he just goes over to her and, uh, after a minute or two, I see them kissing. Now, I know what you're thinking. Chandler's not the type of guy who just goes to bars and makes out with girls. And you're right. Chandler's not the type of guy just goes to bars and makes out with girls.
Monica : You kissed a guy? Oh my God.
Chandler : In my defense, it was dark and he was a very pretty guy.
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Monica : What you guys don't understand is, for us, kissing is as important as any part of it.
Joey : Yeah, right!... Y'serious?
Phoebe : Oh, yeah!
Rachel : Everything you need to know is in that first kiss.
Monica : Absolutely.
Chandler : Yeah, I think for us, kissing is pretty much like an opening act, y'know? I mean it's like the stand-up comedian you have to sit through before Pink Floyd comes out.
Ross : Yeah, and-and it's not that we don't like the comedian, it's that-that... that's not why we bought the ticket.
Chandler : The problem is, though, after the concert's over, no matter how great the show was, you girls are always looking for the comedian again, y'know? I mean, we're in the car, we're fighting traffic... basically just trying to stay awake.
-
Monica : Okay. Wait-wait-wait. Shhh.
[Bangs on her glass with a spoon to make a toast]
Monica : Okay, umm, I just wanna say that... I love you guys so-so much and-and thank you for being here on my special night.
[Chandler clears his throat]
Monica : Our special night. I mean it just wouldn't be my-our-our night, if you all weren't here to celebrate with me-us-Damnit.
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Phoebe : [Rachel's hormones are raging] She's going through her fourth month of pregnancy. Remember when I was in my fourth month?
Monica : Yes, that was the Evander Holyfield period. You know, you were so hard up, you even came on to me.
Phoebe : Did not!
Monica : Yes, you did.
[puts on a seductive look]
Monica : Listen, Phoebe, I could have had you if I had wanted you.
Phoebe : Oh, yeah? Well, bring it on.
[blows Monica a kiss]
Rachel : Guys! Stop it! This is even turning me on!
-
Chandler : You know, I'm really glad we decided not to sleep together before the wedding.
Monica : Me too.
Chandler : You know, I was, uh, thinking. If you and I had a big fight and broke up for a few hours...
Monica : Yeah?
Chandler : Technically we could have sex again. So, what do you think... bossy and domineering?
Monica : The wedding's off, sloppy and immature.
[they get up]
Monica : Oh, wait. We can't, my cousin Cassie is in the guest room.
Chandler : Well, get rid of her, obsessive and shrill.
Monica : Shrill? The wedding's back on.
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Monica : This has been like my dream ever since I got my first Easy-Bake Oven and opened "Easy Monica's Bakery".
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Chandler : [Monica thinks their maid stole her pants and bra] Monica, come on do you really think that she would steal from us, then come back and wear it right in front of you?
Monica : Don't you see? It's the PERFECT crime!
Chandler : [acting as outraged as her] She must have been planning this for years!
-
Monica : Pack your things, we're going to Vegas.
Chandler : You mean, we're just gonna elope? This is great. We're gonna save so much money. And, no more pain-in-the-ass planning.
[Monicas stares at him]
Chandler : Oh, we're not going to elope. We have so much money, could our wedding please be bigger?
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Monica : I can't believe my dad saw us having sex. He didn't make it to one of my piano recitals, but this he sees.
-
Ross : My dad wanted to know if you wanted to play racquetball with us.
Monica : Wow. That's great. Dad must really like you, he doesn't ask just anyone to play.
Ross : Yeah and he didn't really ask for you, he asked for Chancy, I assumed he meant you.
Chandler : Well, did-did you correct him?
Ross : No, I-I thought it would be more fun this way.
-
[talking about engagement presents for Monica and Chandler]
Rachel : Oh, y'know what you should get 'em? One of those little uh, portable CD players.
Monica : Oh, I already have one.
Phoebe : Not unless someone borrowed it and left it at the gynecologist.
Rachel : Yeah, and-and-and by someone, she means Joey.
-
[Joey has to keep everyone in his apartment]
Judy Geller : Well, we'll get going.
Jack Geller : Bye.
[both leave]
Monica : Hey. How come they get to leave?
Joey : Hey, Jack is a great man. He fought for our country.
Monica : No, he didn't. He pretended to be a Quaker to get out of Korea.
-
Monica : What about friends of your grandmother's? Wouldn't they have the recipe?
Phoebe : Well, you know I may have relatives in France who would know. My grandmother said she got the recipe from her grandmother,
[trying to pronounce her name in French]
Phoebe : Nestlé Toulouse.
Monica : What was her name?
Phoebe : [again trying to pronounce it in French] Nestlé Toulehouse.
Monica : Nestle Toll House?
Phoebe : Oh, you Americans always butcher the French language.
-
Monica : I am so jealous.
Rachel : You guys are really just right there.Aren't you?
Chandler : Yes... Right where?
Monica : The beginning, where it's all sex and talking and sex and talking...
Chandler : Yeah you gotta love the talking.
Monica : And the sex?
Chandler : Alright we hadn't have sex yet. Okay. What's the big deal?This is special. I want our love to grow before moving to the next level.
Rachel : Oh, chandler, that is so nice.
Ross : That is really nice... Lying! No way is that the reason.
Rachel : Why? Just because you're not mature enough to understand something like that?
Chandler : He's right. I'm totally lying.
Monica : Then what is it?
Chandler : Kathy's last boyfriend was Joey.
Ross : And you're afraid you won't be able to fill his shoes?
Chandler : No. I'm afraid I won't be able to make love as well as him.
Ross : I was going for the metaphor.
Chandler : Yes and I was saying the actual words.
Monica : Big deal. So Joey has had a lot of girlfriends. That doesn't mean he's great in bed.
Chandler : We share a wall. So either is great in bed, or she just liked to agree with him a lot.
Monica : With you it's gonna be different. The sex is gonna be great because you guys are in love.
Chandler : Yeah?
Ross : Just go for it Chandler.
Monica , Rachel : Yeah you should.
Chandler : All right. All right. I'll sleep with my girlfriend. But I'm just doing it for you guys.
-
Monica : Can you help me fold these napkins?
Phoebe : Sure.
Monica : I'm gonna go across the hall and check on the yams.
[Notices the way Pheobe is folding the napkins]
Monica : No... no honey... Not like that, we're not a barn dance. You wanna fold them like swans like I showed you at Christmas, remember?
Phoebe : Yeah. It all came screaming back to me.
-
Monica : You can't fire me. I make your decisions and I say, "I'm not fired." Ha.
-
Chandler : Where is Ross at? Hasn't he checked out yet?
Monica : Are you kidding me? It's not 11:00 yet that means Ross still has 11 mins to check out of the hotel, and Ross has NEVER checked out of a hotel early.
Rachel : Oh yeah that's right. One time Ross and I were at a hotel and we got a late check out... Ross was so happy it was the best sex we ever had!
Phoebe : Ohhhhhhh!
Rachel : That is until he screamed out RADISON at the end.
Phoebe : Yeah that'll kill it.
-
[Reading Rachel's "romance novel."]
Monica : "Throbbing pens"? Don't wanna be around when he writes with those.
-
Monica : Is it me? Is it like I have a beacon that only dogs and men with severe emotional problems can hear?
-
Ross : [on Monica's phone] Yeah, Tony, hold on.
[gets second line]
Ross : Hello? Yeah, she's right here. Hold on.
[returns to second line]
Ross : Yeah, Tony I'll call you back. It's my sister's boyfriend.
[switches back to second line]
Monica : Give me that.
[into phone]
Monica : Hi sweetie. Before I forget, did I leave my diaphragm at your house?
[pause]
Monica : Oh, hi mom.
[starts throwing things at Ross]
-
Monica : Damn the jellyfish! Damn ALL the jellyfish!
-
Jack Geller : I remember when we first got engaged.
Chandler : Oh, I don't think I ever heard that story.
Monica : Oh dad, really you don't need to...
Jack Geller : [ignoring her] Well, I'd gotten Judy pregnant. I still don't know that happened.
Judy Geller : [incredulous] You don't know how that happened? Your dog thought my diaphragm was a chew toy.
-
Joey : Anyway, I started working on what I'm gonna say at the ceremony, you wanna hear it?
Joey : Now, listen, it's just the first draft so... "We are gathered here today on this joyous occasion to celebrate the special love that Monica and Chandler share. It is a love based on giving and receiving, as well as having and sharing. And the love that they give and have is shared and received. And through this having and giving and sharing and receiving, we too can share and love and have and receive."
Chandler : [to Monica] Shouldn't we call the spitter?
-
Monica : That's probably because their nerves are deadened from being so stupid.
-
Monica : [as the movers are moving a dresser out of the bedroom] Careful with that, it was my Grandmother's. Be careful.
[Two more movers are moving the giant white dog statue from the balcony]
Monica : If that falls off the truck, it wouldn't be the worst thing.
[She hands the one mover some money]
Ross : [Looking around the now empty apartment] Wow.
Rachel : I know. Seems smaller, somehow.
Joey : Has it always been purple?
Chandler : [to the babies] Look around, you guys. This was your first home... and it was a happy place filled with love and laughter. But, more importantly, 'cause of rent control, it was a friggin' steal.
Phoebe : Hey, do you realize that at one time or another, we all lived in this apartment?
Monica : Oh yeah, that's true.
Ross : Uh, I haven't.
Monica : No, what about the Summer during college that you lived with Grandma? And you tried to make it as a dancer.
Ross : [as everyone awkwardly stares at him] Do you realize we almost made it 10 years without that coming up?
Monica : [to Chandler] Oh, Honey, I promised Treeger that we'd leave our keys.
Chandler : Oh, okay.
[as Monica and Chandler take their keys out of their pockets and place them on the kitchen counter, Ross, Rachel, Phoebe, and Joey, also, take out their keys to Monica's apartment and place them on the kitchen counter]
Phoebe : I guess this is it.
Joey : Yeah... I guess so.
Monica : [Crying] This is harder than I thought it would be.
[Chandler kisses Monica on her head, then hugs her, as Ross does the same to Rachel, whom is also crying, with Ross also hugging Monica, while still hugging Rachel, with Phoebe crying as well]
Rachel : What, do you guys have to move to the new house right away or do you have some time?
Monica : [Monica and Chandler look at each other, with Chandler nodding in agreement] We got some time.
Rachel : Okay, should we get some coffee?
Chandler : Sure.
[They begin walking towards the front door to exit the apartment]
Chandler : Where?
[They group is then seen in the hallway, coming out of the apartment, walking to the stairway, as the camera pans Monica's now-empty apartment, panning from the balcony window into the kitchen, past the refrigerator, to the front door, and finally zooms in on the front door's peephole, which is still surrounded by the yellow picture frame]
-
Monica : Look, Chandler, I feel really bad about this. Please have this bachelor party.
Chandler : No.
Monica : Stop being a baby and watch the hot woman get naked.
Chandler : ...All right.
Joey : YEAH.
Chandler : But, I'm only doing this for you... And Joey.
Monica : Ok, so who's going to be there?
Chandler : No, no, no. Just Ross and Joey is humiliating enough.
Ross : Well, actually, I have a date tonight.
Chandler : Yeah, I understand. What kind of guy would blow off a date for a fake bachelor party.
Joey : [on cell phone] Yeah, baby, I'm not gonna make it tonight...
-
Monica : Whoa. Where you going in those pants? 1982?
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Monica : So if your parents had stayed together you'd be able to answer a question like a normal person?
-
Monica : You are just going to have to stop pissing me off.
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Monica : There may be something we can fashion.
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Monica : [Caught Phonehacking] I might be getting my period, I don't know.
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Monica : It turns out Fun Bobby was Fun for a Reason!
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Monica : Seven! Seven! Seven! Seven! Seven! SEVEN! SEVEN!
[holds up seven fingers]
-
Monica : Well, I lost my Erection!
-
Joey : So how did it happen? Did your eyes meet across the room? And the next thing you know, you're in the bathtub together and she's feeding you strawberries?
Chandler : Isn't that what happened with you and the bridesmaid?
Joey : Yeah! I call that "London style."
Monica : No, that is not what happened with us.
Phoebe : Ooh, maybe you should say it is because "London style" sounds nice.
