- King Koopa: Give me that Devo-Gun!
- [Koopa tries to shoot Mario, but instead hits Scapelli, who is transformed into a chimpanzee. Koopa points at him and laughs]
- King Koopa: Monkey!
- Sergeant Simon: Name.
- Mario: Mario.
- Sergeant Simon: Last name.
- Mario: Mario.
- Sergeant Simon: And you?
- Luigi: Luigi.
- Sergeant Simon: Luigi Luigi?
- Luigi: No, Luigi Mario.
- Sergeant Simon: Okay how many Marios are there between the two of you?
- Luigi: Three: Mario Mario and Luigi Mario.
- [In the police car, a wanted poster of Luigi and Mario flashes on a TV screen naming them Alien Plumbers]
- Luigi Mario: Aliens? We gotta deal with aliens too?
- Mario Mario: Luigi, *we're* the aliens.
- Luigi Mario: We are? Wow, cool.
- [first lines]
- Narrator: A long long time ago, the Earth was ruled by dinosaurs. They were big, so not a lot of people went around hassling 'em. Actually, no people went around hassling 'em cuz there weren't any people yet. Just the first tiny mammals. Basically, life was good. Then something happened: a giant meteorite struck the Earth. Goodbye dinosaurs! But what if the dinosaurs weren't all destroyed? What if the impact of that meteor created a parallel dimension where the dinosaurs continued to thrive and evolve into intelligent, vicious, and aggressive beings... just like us? And hey, what if they found a way back?
- King Koopa: I am very disappointed in you, cousins.
- Spike: Fascist!
- Iggy: Oppressor of the proletariat!
- King Koopa: Guy in charge!
- [Mario and Luigi survey Dinohattan]
- Mario Mario: This can't be Manhattan.
- Luigi Mario: I don't know, I haven't been to Manhattan in a couple weeks.
- Mario Mario: Must have been a bad couple of weeks.
- Mario: What single-celled organism did *you* evolve from?
- King Koopa: [indicates an evolution chart of a dinosaur becoming a man] Tyrannosaurus Rex, the lizard king, thank you very much.
- Luigi: [after learning that Daisy was abandoned as an infant] You mean you don't know who your mother and father neither?
- Princess Daisy: No. What do you mean, "neither"?
- Luigi: Cuz, you see, Mario here brought me up. He's been like my mother my whole life.
- Mario: Hey!
- Luigi: [laughing] Ok, ok, my father, all right? And my uncle, cousin, and everybody.
- King Koopa: [bathing in mud] Do you know what I love about mud? It's clean and it's dirty at the same time.
- Sergeant Simon: No one touches President Koopa.
- Luigi: [rubbing his eyes in pain] You're Koopa? Well, you just said you were...
- King Koopa: One evil, egg sucking son of a snake. Did I lie?
- Spike: We were wrong again. How many times have we got this wrong?
- Iggy: *You've* gotten it wrong five times.
- Spike: Home for five. Home for five. What percent is that?
- Iggy: I dunno. Let me think.
- [pause]
- Iggy: I dunno. But it's not good.
- Spike: If we get it wrong one more time, he's gonna kill us.
- Iggy: He's not gonna kill us. He's not that nice.
- [last lines]
- Princess Daisy: [enters with combat fatigues and a big gun] Luigi! Mario!
- Luigi: Daisy!
- Princess Daisy: You guys gotta come with me! I need your help!
- Luigi: Why, what's wrong?
- Princess Daisy: [cradles her gun and smiles] You're not gonna believe *this*.
- Mario: I believe it.
- Luigi: You do?
- Mario: [chuckles] I believe.
- Cop: [sees the Marios' tool belts] Aha! Plumbers!
- Luigi: No, he is! I'm just apprenticing!
- Cop: Get in the car!
- Luigi: But I didn't do nothin'!
- Cop: Get in the car now!
- Mario: Are you tellin' us that you can arrest a guy for being a plumber? Get outta here!
- Cop: Get in there, plumber! Now!
- Cop: [shoves the Marios and Toad into the squad car]
- Mario: Hey! What is this?
- Luigi: All right. What'd we do?
- Mario: I'm gettin' arrested for bein' a plumber!
- Luigi: Write his number down!
- King Koopa: Now... where's the rock?
- [Iggy and Spike look at each other, then at Koopa]
- Iggy, Spike: Rock, sir?
- King Koopa: The meteorite piece that she wears around her neck, and I told you not to forget it!
- Spike: That rock!
- Iggy: I told you not to forget it!
- King Koopa: And I told you to remind him! Without that rock, the meteorite lays dormant! I'll not be able to merge the dimensions! Where is it?
- Iggy, Spike: The plumbers took it.
- King Koopa: [whispers] Plumbers?
- [to Lena]
- King Koopa: Plumber alert!
- [Iggy and Spike have become more intelligent]
- King Koopa: Both of you, go to the desert!
- Iggy: Excuse me, excuse me. That hardly seems logical, does it? Perhaps we should stay here and formulate our own strategy. Tete-tete, inner circle, that sort of thing.
- King Koopa: Here's what's logical to me: If you do not return with the plumbers and the rock... I shall personally... kill you.
- Iggy: ...We're going.
- King Koopa: Don't fight it. You know you've always been uncomfortable in the human world, and you at least suspected that you were...
- [tongue flicks in and out like a snake's]
- King Koopa: ?different.
- Princess Daisy: I suspected a lot of things, but not that I...
- King Koopa: That you were descended from the dinosaurs? And you know what they say about little girls, don't you? Hm? They say they never forget the first time they're kissed by a lizard.
- [face starts to look more reptilian]
- Luigi: [trying to make conversation with Daisy after first meeting her] A-are you ok?
- Princess Daisy: I got a few problems...
- Luigi: Well, you know, we got a van.
- Princess Daisy: [a little confused] It's... nice.
- Luigi: No no, I'm asking you if you want a ride. Oh, but, uh... it's broken, though.
- Princess Daisy: ...well...
- [turns to leave]
- Luigi: Your name's Daisy, isn't it? I-I overheard your name's Daisy. I've never heard that name around here. It's really nice, too. N-no, I *have* heard it cuz it's, like, the flower and everything... n-not that I hang around the flower shops or anything like that.
- [the Marios see that their job is taken already]
- Mario: Scapelli. They beat us to it again! Another lost job!
- [after the ending credits]
- Japanese Salesman 1: Well, I must say, we have a very generous proposal.
- Japanese Salesman 2: A video game based on your many adventures.
- Japanese Salesman 1: What would you call it?
- [We now see that they are addressing, not Mario and Luigi, but Iggy and Spike]
- Iggy: "Iggy's World".
- Spike: [shakes head] "The Indomitable Spike".
- Iggy: "The Super Koopa Cousins"!
- Spike: "The Super Koopa Cousins"!
- Pizza Deliveryman: Python Pizza here, may I help you?
- King Koopa: King Koopa here.
- Pizza Deliveryman: Oh, yes, sir.
- King Koopa: I'd like the Koopa special.
- Pizza Deliveryman: Pteradactyl tail on that?
- King Koopa: Yes. Dino, lizard, hold the mammal, no worms, and, uh, spicy.
- King Koopa: You may think of evolution as... an upward process. Things evolve from primeval slime, up to single-celled organisms, up to... intelligent life. De-evolution, of course, works the opposite way. Back to... simpler forms. For instance, even our musical friend Toad... can become... a loyal child of the royal family: Goombas!
- [snickers]
- Mario: [trying to get a dance with Big Bertha] Hey, the name's Mario. I'm your main man, your ram-a-dame, your can of spam...
- Bertha: [punches him and laughs]
- Mario: [second try] Excuse me. Will you hit me again? I've never seen such fluidity. The way your knuckles crunched as you smashed 'em into my face.
- Bertha: [grabs him by the jacket] Dance with me. I'll hit you all you like.