- Walter Warner Sr.: Travis, it really tweaks my melon, to see a buff bro like Crawl here, get weezed on by a greasy scumbag like you. So you just chill.
- Becca: [about her first tattoo] I want something feminine.
- Tattoo Artist: [beat] He's standing right next to me.
- Walter Warner Sr.: [about getting CPR again from Crawl] If I had to choose between dying and him kissing me, I'd rather die.
- Rebecca Warner: No! Travis you just get out.
- Travis: You can't talk to me like that.
- Crawl: No, but I can.
- [elbows Travis in the stomach, then punches him in the face, making him fall to the ground]
- Crawl: Majored in karate for two semesters.
- Crawl: Let's just get the rules straight here. There'll be absolutely no partying in this hall between the hours of 5 and 6 in the morning, without my express written permission. OK cool. Carry on.
- Crawl: [to Travis] You're too late. Yeah, a couple weeks ago at school I already asked Bec to marry me.
- Walter: Well, now that that's all settled, I think my future son-in-law should carve the turkey.
- Rebecca Warner: Oh well you see, that's not necessary, because Crawl and I were never.
- Crawl: Sure about the wedding date. So we'll just give it some time and see how things go.
- Walter: Oh that's a hell of an idea. Hell of an idea!
- Crawl: [sees Walter Sr. widdling on the porch] Oh, my God, it's Bartles or James. Dude, which one are you?
- Crawl: [to Becca during the Halloween party] Let me guess miss your mom dad, brother, dog, boyfriend. practically everything you can think of back home. Am I right?
- Crawl: just give me 5 minutes ok just 5 minutes and if you dont like what i have to say then you can make your phone call.
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