- Det. Frank Pembleton: You know, every day I get out of bed and drag myself to the next cup of coffee. I take a sip and the caffeine kicks in. I can focus my eyes again. My brain starts to order the day. I'm up, I'm alive. I'm ready to rock. But the time is coming when I wake up and decide that I'm not getting out of bed. Not for coffee, or food or sex. If it comes to me, fine. If it won't, fine. No more expectations. The longer I live, the less I know. I should know more. I should know the coffee's killing me. You're suspicious of your suspicions? I'm jealous, Kay; I'm so jealous. You still have the heart to have doubts. Me? I'm going to lock up a 14-year-old kid for what could be the rest of his natural life. I got to do this. This is my job. This is the deal. This is the law. This is my day. I have no doubts or suspicions about it. Heart has nothing to do with it any more. It's all in the caffeine.
- Det. Tim Bayliss: You never say please. You never say thank you.
- Det. Frank Pembleton: Please don't be an idiot. Thank you.
- Det. Stan Bolander: It's hard to meet single woman on this job. You meet plenty of widows, but the timing just don't seem right.
- Dr. Julianna Cox, CME: Don't you even wonder why?
- Det. John Munch: Why what?
- Dr. Julianna Cox, CME: Why he lied.
- Det. John Munch: I'm a homicide detective. The only time I wonder why is when they tell me the truth.
- [Crosetti and Lewis are in adjacent stalls in the men's room]
- Det. Steve Crosetti: Got any toilet paper?
- Det. Meldrick Lewis: Nope.
- Det. Steve Crosetti: Got five ones for a five?
- Det. Stan Bolander: The Italians are an unforgiving lot.
- Lt. Al 'Gee' Giardello: I know, but we make great pasta. It balances out.
- Det. Frank Pembleton: Virtue isn't virtue unless it slams up against vice. So consequently, your virtue's not real virtue. Until it's been tested... tempted.
- Det. Tim Bayliss: You still believe that my cousin killed that boy because he was an Arab?
- Det. Frank Pembleton: Hikmet was not an Arab. Turks are not Arabs...
- Det. Tim Bayliss: My cousin could not consciously kill someone.
- Det. Frank Pembleton: I don't think it was premeditated. I think it was inherent. Jim's racism is so much a part of him, that he didn't have a chance to think about what he was doing. Jim is worse than a Klansman. 'Cause at least in their white sheets, they are recognizable. Your cousin's brand of bigotry is much more frightening because, like still water, it runs deep. He doesn't even see it himself.
- Det. Tim Bayliss: You're wrong, dead wrong.
- Det. Frank Pembleton: The only one "dead wrong" is Hikmet Gersel. Did you see what happened when the verdict was announced? They applauded. Those law-abiding citizens, those good people applauded the death of a child. Let me ask you something, Tim - and then you tell me whether or not it was racially motivated - if that boy had been American, if that boy had been white - do you think anyone would have cheered?
- Det. Beau Felton: You have the right to remain silent; although personally, I don't feel remaining silent's all it's cracked up to be... Smoke?
- Det. John Munch: [looking at corpse] With those beady eye and that mustache he looks like a cross between Steve Buscemi, John Waters and Edgar Allen Poe.
- Det. Tim Bayliss: Aren't they all the same person?
- Det. Tim Bayliss: I can't stop seeing her face. Adena Watson's face in the rain. Wounds on her body. She was so tiny. I try not to care, but if I do that, if I actually stop caring, then I stop being who I am. No job's worth that.
- Det. Stan Bolander: Sometimes I wanna call my wife just to hear the sound of her voice. But I know that five minutes into that phone call, my blood pressure is going through the roof, the phone is sailing across the room and I'm wishing that she's on a plane falling out of the sky. It's over. I know it's over. But I had to replace six telephones before I, I really got the hint.
- Det. Paul Falsone: You know, I was thinking of printing up one of those bikini calendars. You know, the cops of Baltimore type thing.
- Det. Rey Curtis: What happened?
- Det. Paul Falsone: You seen the cops in Baltimore?
- Det. Rey Curtis: You're right. Munch in a thong would be a little hard on the eyes.
- Det. Frank Pembleton: Do you think some people work harder to be stupider than others?
- Det. Tim Bayliss: I'm going to go out on a limb and say yes.
- [Lewis and Kellerman drove up to Hazel, Pennsylvania to bring a female suspect back to Baltimore]
- Police Officer in Hazel, Pennsylvania: You guys from Baltimore, here to pick up Rose Halligan?
- Det. Meldrick Lewis: That's correct. I'm Detective Lewis, this is...
- Police Officer in Hazel, Pennsylvania: Uh, you can't have her.
- Det. Meldrick Lewis: What do you mean?
- Police Officer in Hazel, Pennsylvania: Regulations stipulate a policewoman escorts a female prisoner.
- Det. Meldrick Lewis: [gesturing to Kellerman] Meet Detective Michelle Kellerman.
- Police Officer in Hazel, Pennsylvania: You're not a woman.
- Det. Mike Kellerman: I used to be.
- Sgt. Kay Howard: If you were going to hide a body, where would you bury it?
- Det. John Munch: In a cemetery.
- Det. John Munch: Name one miracle that's happened in your lifetime.
- Det. Stan Bolander: How 'bout the fact that I haven't killed you yet?
- Det. John Munch: [Bayliss is taking some pills for his back pain] What d'ya got there, Timmy? Some good stuff, huh? Percodan, Percocet, Tylenol, greenies?
- Det. Tim Bayliss: They're muscle relaxants!
- Det. John Munch: Even better.
- Det. Tim Bayliss: You don't get any!
- Det. John Munch: No-one's willing to share their drugs anymore.
- Det. Frank Pembleton: Meldrick! In the mood for a multiple homicide?
- Det. Meldrick Lewis: On a Friday night? Always.
- Det. Meldrick Lewis: Lemme tell you one thing, all right? You gotta do everything I say.
- Det. Mike Kellerman: Well, there's nothing I won't do; but some things are gonna cost you extra.
- Det. Stan Bolander: How come every time I open that refrigerator, there's one drop of milk left in the carton? So who has to go to the 7-11 and replace the carton of milk?
- Det. John Munch: Me.
- Det. Stan Bolander: That's besides the point. He's doing that on my behalf. He could be doing something else for me.
- Det. Tim Bayliss: So does the violence make them stupid or does the stupidity lead to violence?
- Det. John Munch: Well, that's chicken and egg semantics. The important point is that we win some cases because our brains are repositories for intelligence and their brains are day-old banana pudding.
- Risley Tucker: Say Baltimore, and I'll tell you within ten blocks where you were born. Yeah, you from here. You got that home grown look. The not-too-southern, not-too-northern, not on the ocean but still on the water look. With maybe a touch of inbreeding.
- Det. John Munch: The only thing I have in common with Judaism is we both don't like to work on Saturdays.
- [Bolander, the primary investigator into the suicide of Detective Steve Crosetti, is being pressured to rule it a murder]
- Det. Stan Bolander: Is that what you're asking, Lieutenant? To make it a murder? A murder with no murderer? A murder that can't be solved? If you order me to do it, I'll do it. Hell, my clearance rate is so low these days one more open murder isn't going to make much difference. Everyone says 'Do it for Steve', and I keep thinking that if he chose to commit suicide, what right to I have - what right does ANY of us have - to make that go away? I don't agree with what he did, but if that was his final statement, should I wipe that clear just for our peace of mind? I mean, nobody wants to admit it, but everyone knows what happened.
- Det. John Munch: Life should come with a money back guarantee. If you're not satisfied, return unused portion for a full refund.
- Det. Beau Felton: Kay might die. I'm not gonna close my eyes and pretend that nothing bad's gonna happen. Because you know what? It already did. So you gotta tell me, what're you supposed to do when your partner dies on you?
- Det. Meldrick Lewis: What you do is... You keep going.
- Det. Beau Felton: What do you mean, you keep going?
- Det. Meldrick Lewis: You get up, you do your job, you make it through every day... And you hope that one day you're gonna wake up and it won't hurt so much. Then the next day it will hurt a little less, and the next day, even less than that. It's not like you forget them, you know? Your life is changed forever. It's not ever gonna go back to the way it was... But you get through it... You just keep going on.
- Det. Beau Felton: That's it? Keep going?
- Det. Meldrick Lewis: That's it.
- Det. Beau Felton: Meldrick, that's the stupidest thing I ever heard.
- Det. Meldrick Lewis: You're spitting on my advice. You call me down here, I open my heart to you, and now you're spiting on what I got to say.
- Det. Beau Felton: Basically, yeah.
- Det. Meldrick Lewis: Gimme back the giraffe.
- Det. Beau Felton: What? Forget it.
- Det. Meldrick Lewis: You don't like my advice, you ain't getting the giraffe.
- [over a dead body]
- Medical Examiner: Another drug dealer. Collect all thirteen in the series, win a set of dishes.
- Det. Stan Bolander: Live stupid, die young.
- Det. Tim Bayliss: [upon learning that having Crosetti's favourite pastries at his funeral would cost $200] That silly man and his silly cookies.
- Det. Mike Kellerman: I just want you to know that I'm here for you. And if you want a hug, I'd be happy to give you one.
- Det. Tim Bayliss: A hug?
- Det. Mike Kellerman: Yeah.
- Det. Tim Bayliss: Do you and Lewis hug?
- Det. Mike Kellerman: Yeah.
- Det. Tim Bayliss: A lot?
- Det. Mike Kellerman: No, not a lot.
- Det. Tim Bayliss: But enough.
- Det. Mike Kellerman: What do you mean?
- Det. Tim Bayliss: Well, do you want Lewis to hug you more?
- Det. Mike Kellerman: Forget I brought this all up.
- Det. Tim Bayliss: No, no, no, no. *You* brought up the hugging thing.
- Det. Mike Kellerman: You sure you want me with you?
- Det. Tim Bayliss: Yeah, sure, why not?
- Det. Mike Kellerman: I don't know, uh, last time we worked together you were kind of snarky.
- Det. Tim Bayliss: Snarky?
- Det. Mike Kellerman: Yeah, snarky, you know, from the ancient Greek, meaning butt head.
- Det. John Munch: You're saving your really good lies for some smarter cop, is that it? I'm just a donut in the on-deck circle. Wait until the real guy gets here. Wait until that big guy comes back. I'm probably just his secretary. I'm just Montel Williams. You want to talk to Larry King.
- Bernard: I'm telling you the truth.
- Det. John Munch: I've been in murder police for ten years. If you're going to lie to me, you lie to me with respect. What is it? Is it my shoes? Is it my haircut? Got a problem with my haircut? Don't you ever lie to me like I'm Montel Williams. I am not Montel Williams. I am not Montel Williams.
- Bernard: Who's Montel Williams?
- Det. John Munch: I'm not Montel Williams.
- Det. Frank Pembleton: You're not Catholic and you took communion?
- Det. Tim Bayliss: Yeah, is that wrong?
- Det. Frank Pembleton: If my God wins... You're screwed.
- Det. John Munch: I don't like to form attachments with people. They either get suspended or throw china at you.
- [Detective John Munch has shown up unexpectedly at Detective Stanley Bolander's double-date]
- Det. Stan Bolander: Every fairy-tale has a nightmare, and this is mine.
- Det. Meldrick Lewis: [punchline to a joke Lewis tells in episodes broadcast nearly two years apart] ... so the bear says, "You didn't really come here to hunt, did you?"