Rodney Dangerfield: Chester Lee

Ladybugs

Chester Lee

Dave Mullen: You have five seconds to get Kimberly out of there.
[Chester hesitates]
Dave Mullen: There's nothing to think about. Get her out of there.
Chester: Look, we're not in your office now. Out here, I call the shots.
Dave Mullen: Looks like I misjudged you, Chester. I guess you don't care about your future with this company.
Chester: Right now, all I care about is this team.
Dave Mullen: Chester, you've forgotten what's important to you.
Chester: I didn't forget. You forgot. What's more important? That strangers look up to you or your own kid? Kimberly's playing today! And if it means my job, too bad.
Dave Mullen: Look, Chester, I just want to win today. I only want the best out there.
Chester: The best, the best. That's all I keep hearing. You want to be the best. Let me ask you this, what good is being the best if it brings out the worst in you?

Chester: My name is Chester, I'm great, I'm wonderful! Everybody likes me!
Redneck: Hey, Chester. My name's Harland, and to me you look like a giant asshole.
Chester: Well, if I'm an asshole there's a reason for it. You're contagious!

Chester: I tell you, that Welfelt has power. You know, with the right training, she could be the best player we have!
Julie: The best player we have? Well, what about Larimer over there, the little black girl? She's the best player we have! You know that black people are the best at sports, c'mon! We're the best runners, the fastest runners, the best at track. We're the best at baseball, the best at boxing, the best at basketball, football. Hey, you name it!
Chester: Eeesh, black people are best at sports. Are you kidding? How about hockey? And waterpolo? Fencing! Best at sports... hey, badminton! Yachting! Best at sports... Oh, I forgot fox hunting! Best in sports...

Chester: You've got to change your behavior.
Matthew: Oh and what'd I do?
Chester: What'd you do? A girl doesn't give the opposing team the finger and tell their coach, "Up yours!" A girl doesn't refer to the referee a blind bastard. A girl doesn't slap another girl on the ass and say, "You're hot stuff!" And a girl doesn't say "I gotta take a leak so bad I can taste it!"

Chester: Well, you know how it is - boys want to be girls, girls want to be boys... Some of them are...

Chester: I read a book once, "100 Ways to Make Love." I ended up in traction, it was a misprint!

Chester: What a lady. When she walks in a room, mice jump on chairs. At Christmas they hang her and kiss the mistletoe. I tell ya if she went to a dog show, she'd win.

Chester: I've never saw such beautiful landscaping. Looks like all the trees threw up.

Chester: [Addressing the girls at the final game after they found out the truth about Martha/Matthew] You don't need a boy to help you win! You're women! You don't need anyone! You're liberated! You got the vote! You can burn your bras! When you get them!
[Girls giggle]

[coaching the girls practicing]
Chester: Try and control the ball! Forget the ball, try and stay on your feet! Get out of the net, you're not a fish! Pester, you're in a different time zone! Oh beautiful, beautiful!
[looks up at the sky]
Chester: Why me? Why me?

[Chester is helping Matthew adjust his wig in a dressing room while a lady outside eavesdrops]
Chester: Just remember, we gotta be careful. I don't want your mother to find out, she'll kill me.
Matthew: God, I can't believe I'm doing this!
Chester: Don't worry, I'll be finished soon.
Matthew: Ow! Take it easy, that hurts!
Chester: Don't worry, if it's too tight you'll get used to it.