Michael Gough credited as playing...
Alfred
- Bruce Wayne: Here's what I want you to do... tell Selina - tell Miss Kyle in there - tell her, uh, tell her I had to go out of town, a big business deal came up or some... no, you know what? Tell her, you know, not in some dumb, "be my girlfriend" kind of way...
- Alfred: I will relay the message.
- Bruce Wayne: Great.
- [runs out]
- Alfred: Miss Kyle...
- Selina Kyle: Alfred, hi!
- Alfred: Mr. Wayne told me to tell you...
- Selina Kyle: Mr. Wayne? Oh, Bruce. Yes. Um, would you tell him for me that, uh, I've been going through a lot of changes, and... no. Um, just that this is not a rejection, my abruptly leaving. In fact, he makes me feel the way I hope I really am... no! Could you just make up a sonnet or something? A dirty limerick?
- Alfred: One has just sprung to mind.
- Selina Kyle: Thanks!
- [runs out]
- Alfred: Let's not forget about repairing the Batmobile. There's certain security to consider. It's not as though we can take it to any old "Joe's bodyshop," is it, sir?
- Bruce Wayne: Security? Who let Vicki Vale into the Batcave? I'm sitting there working and I turn around, there she is. "Oh hi, Vick - come on in."
- Bruce Wayne: [working on the Batcomputer. Alfred sets down a bowl of soup in front of him. He picks up the spoon and takes a sip, only to spit it out] Cold!
- Alfred: It's vichyssoise.
- Bruce Wayne: [stares, not knowing why it's important]
- Alfred: It's *supposed* to be cold.
- [last lines]
- Alfred: Well, come what may. Merry Christmas, Mister Wayne.
- Bruce Wayne: Merry Christmas, Alfred. Good will toward men... and women.
- Alfred: Sir, shall we change the channel to a program with some dignity and class? The Love Connection, perhaps?
- Bruce Wayne: [reading news archives on the Red Triangle Circus] "Red Triangle Circus put on a swell show with fierce lions... circus returns with a Freak Show, may not be suitable for kids. Featuring a poodle lady, the world's fattest man... and an aquatic bird boy."
- Alfred: Why are you so determined to prove this Penguin is not what he seems? Must you be the only lonely man-beast in town?
- Bruce Wayne: [continues reading] "... circus folded its tents yesterday, perhaps forever after numerous reports of missing children. In several towns, police have closed down the Red Triangle's fairgrounds, however at least one freak show performer vanished before he could be questioned."
- Alfred: I suppose you feel better now, sir.
- Bruce Wayne: No, actually I feel worse.
- Alfred: Why are you now determined to prove that this Penguin is not what he seems? Must you be the only lonely man-beast in town?