Ernest Scared Stupid (1991)

Jim Varney: Ernest P. Worrell

Photos 

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Quotes 

• Ernest P. Worrell : How 'bout a bumper sandwich, Boogerlips?

• Ernest P. Worrell : Nuh uh, ain't no trees in Botswana, nuh uh, I know, I AM a Botswanian lumberjack, and I ain't never had a job...

• Ernest P. Worrell : How about a little Miak!

  Trantor the Troll : Miak?

  Ernest P. Worrell : Yeah, Miak. I bet you thought I couldn't find any at this time of the year, well a little resourceful for ya, a little to light on my feet. Eat Miak and die!

• Ernest P. Worrell : I never knew when to quit. Just ask my fourth grade teacher.

• Kenny : Ernest I got it! What we need is a tree house!

  Ernest P. Worrell : I thought we needed dress shields.

• Trantor the Troll : You will die for the disgrace of your forefathers!

  Ernest P. Worrell : I didn't have four fathers! I only had one father and I didn't know him that well!

• [When seeing Trantor the Troll for the first time] 

  Ernest P. Worrell : Oh, I sure hope you're from Keebler!

• [while driving to the treehouse with a now wooden Rimshot] 

  Ernest P. Worrell : What good is a wooden dog? Oh, sure they swim better, but what am I gonna call him, Splinter?

• Ernest P. Worrell : [to the troll]  You'd better stay away. I know jujitsu, kung fu, karate, tai chi, and I saw "Hulkamania" three times. Once in slow-mo.

• Ernest P. Worrell : [as the Old Lady]  Be grateful, little trolls in China don't even get milk.

• Ernest P. Worrell : [Rimshot's been turned to wood]  Rimshot! Oh my God.

  Kenny : Don't worry, Ernest, we'll figure out some way to beat this.

  Ernest P. Worrell : I'll tell you how we beat this thing, I'll tell you how we beat it. My great great granddaddy put him in that tree and so can I. Somebody with a runny nose is going to die.

• Ernest P. Worrell : We got him, Rimshot, we got ol' Honkerhead himself.

• Ernest P. Worrell : [after running over the troll and not finding him]  He must be a greasy spot in the road.

• Ernest P. Worrell : [as a doll he picked up as the garbage truck is closing on him]  No no don't stick my head in those gears!

  [to the doll] 

  Ernest P. Worrell : But it's me or you

  [as the doll] 

  Ernest P. Worrell : But I have a family at the doll factory!

  [Hesitates] 

  Ernest P. Worrell : I'll send them a nice card

  [sticks the doll's head in the gears] 

  Ernest P. Worrell : [as the doll]  You'll never get away with this Ernest I know where you live.

• Ernest P. Worrell : Boy, Jimmy. When you play charades you play for keeps. Knowhatimean?

• Ernest P. Worrell : [about the troll]  He looked like a big giant Mr. Potato Head. Except he was shaped more like a watermelon.

• Ernest P. Worrell : [being attacked by the troll]  Help, help! May day! May day! Christmas Day! Colombus Day!

• Ernest P. Worrell : Pretty soon the kids won't have to worry about eating their Brussel sprouts because the Brussel sprouts will be eating them.

• Ernest P. Worrell : [to Rimshot]  We have nothing to fear but fear itself, plus the known fact that Old Lady Hackmore will turn us into a couple of drooling, red eyed zombies if she catches us here.

  [knocks on the door] 

  Ernest P. Worrell : Well, nobody home, I guess they're out robbing graves or biting the heads off chickens or whatever's in Voodoo Vogue.

• Ernest P. Worrell : Miak!

• Ernest P. Worrell : [about the troll]  It looked like a great big Mr. Potato Head only it was the size of a watermelon!

• Ernest P. Worrell : Make sure your shoes are on the right feet and all your furniture's up against the WALLLL!

• Ernest P. Worrell : Sheriff Binder open up! It was awful, the thunder and the lightning, and it had great big teeth and things on its ears like this! It was at least this big and at least this long!

  Cliff : Whoa, whoa, Ernest, what's going on?

  Amanda : Ernest do you know what time it is?

  Ernest P. Worrell : Maybe Old Lady Hackmore was right, maybe it WAS a troll! Luckily I was there to beat it within an inch of its face.

  Cliff : Old Lady Hackmore?

  Ernest P. Worrell : Yeah the kids and I built a treehouse out there and she got REAL STEAMED.

  Amanda : You took Kenny and the kids out there? Trespassing on an old lady's property?

  Cliff : Yeah, but what happened?

  Ernest P. Worrell : Sheriff, I saw a troll! I really saw a troll!

  Kenny : Dad, something really weird WAS happening in those woods tonight!

  Ernest P. Worrell : Yeah, you gotta do something, Sheriff.

  Cliff : Now calm down, Ernest, you probably just had a bad dream. So pinch yourself.

  [Ernest pinches himself and screams] 

  Cliff : and go home.

  Ernest P. Worrell : Oww! I'm not dreaming, this really hurts!

• [Ernest is about to leave Old Lady Hackmore's house when she shows up screaming at him] 

  Old Lady Hackmore : Get off of my property! What are you doing here?

  Ernest P. Worrell : Ma'am, I'm just here to pick up all this garbage.

  Old Lady Hackmore : Got no garbage here, only the expressions of the soul.

  Ernest P. Worrell : Uh, ma'am, I'm an official representative of the Briarville city government, and, incidentally, a close personal friend of Mayor Murdock's.

  Old Lady Hackmore : Aren't you that Worrell kid?

  Ernest P. Worrell : Yes, ma'am.

  Old Lady Hackmore : Oh... you will bring down the curse on us all! Woe to you, oh, ye seed of Worrell. Get out of here and don't come back!

  Ernest P. Worrell : I wish you'd reconsider. Recycling is a... a very important part of good citizenship.

  Old Lady Hackmore : Yeah. And you'll be a dead citizen. When the poisons of the evil courses through the portals and channels of your body, you will lie a quivering, toxic mass of screaming flesh! They will have to load you and the rest of this backward town on a meat wagon with a pitchfork!

  Ernest P. Worrell : So in other words, it might be better if I came back another day.

  [Hackmore screams again and uses a flame thrower at Ernest] 

• [Hackmore explains to Ernest that he is the only one capable of stopping Trantor's plan] 

  Ernest P. Worrell : Me? Stop that thing? You've got the wrong guy.

  Old Lady Hackmore : You are the direct descendant of the Reverend Phineas Worrell! It's your legacy!

  Ernest P. Worrell : Yeah, but I'm me, and... and he's he, and we're talking real danger here... "stand and deliver," "firing line," "moment of truth," "end of the line," eighth-level "Mario Brothers. "

  Old Lady Hackmore : You are the only troll fighter we've got. You're the seventh son of the seventh son. You're the baby. You're the boy. You are the great redneck hope.

  [Ernest becomes confident and strikes a heroic pose] 

  Ernest P. Worrell : The great redneck hope!

  [a choir sings "Hallelujah!" once; then cuts to Ernest running down the street with Rimshot] 

  Ernest P. Worrell : [through megaphone]  Troll alert! This is not a drill! An actual troll has been sighted in the Briarville area! Please remain calm! Do not... I repeat... do not panic! Children should remain indoors until further notice...

• Ernest P. Worrell : Come on, kids. This'll be fun. I've been collecting this stuff for years.

• [Ernest finally puts it together that mother's care is not milk, but unconditional love. He raises his arms towards Trantor and has a big goofy grin on his face] 

  Ernest P. Worrell : Come on, little fella!

  [Trantor jumps into Ernest's arms and they begins waltzing together. The townspeople are stunned in disbelief. Ernest and Trantor finish spinning in their dance and Ernest kisses Trantor who promptly explodes, to Ernest and the townspeople's disgust] 

• [Ernest is threatening Trantor, unafraid] 

  Ernest P. Worrell : Come on, double ugly, you do pretty well against little kids and dogs. Let's see how you deal with a real man. Come on. Come on!

• Ernest P. Worrell : There's nothing in that tree for me.

• Ernest P. Worrell : on no not rim shooot hes all i got what good in a woooden dog. sure it can swim bettter. but am i going to call him splinter?