Woodchipper Massacre exists in a parallel cinema universe where all the usual critical standards no longer apply. First and foremost, the film is shot--badly--on video. The sound drops out periodically, but the entire cast SHOUT THEIR DIALOGUE just to make sure it gets recorded. The score consists of dreadful and frequently inappropriate late 80s synthesizer music. The gore is minimal and there is no massacre. That being said, Jon McBride's screenplay is actually quite well written, and the cast--including McBride himself--are obviously having great fun. If you enjoy such camp horror masterpieces as The Meateater, you should have a place in your heart and your video library for Woodchipper Massacre.
23 Reviews
Not Actually Terrible
lunchboxattacks2 January 2018
You'd think with a name like 'Woodchipper Massacre', you were in for some really cheap video nasty. Well, it is cheap, but I don't know about how nasty it is. There's about as much sadism and gore in the film as there was in Weekend at Bernie's..
I somewhat get the feeling that the title was foisted by the distribution company who released this thing on VHS..
It ended up reminding me more of something John Hughes would have made if he'd only had a budget of 400 dollars, could only get amateur actors, and had decided on a somewhat darker plot than in the films he did become famous for making. It's three kids, each a funny kid stereotype, whose parents aren't around that week, finding themselves committing woodchipper misdeeds.
And despite the amateurish execution, it's all pretty fun and funny.
I somewhat get the feeling that the title was foisted by the distribution company who released this thing on VHS..
It ended up reminding me more of something John Hughes would have made if he'd only had a budget of 400 dollars, could only get amateur actors, and had decided on a somewhat darker plot than in the films he did become famous for making. It's three kids, each a funny kid stereotype, whose parents aren't around that week, finding themselves committing woodchipper misdeeds.
And despite the amateurish execution, it's all pretty fun and funny.
The Brady Bunch Conducted a Chainsaw Massacre?
abbazabakyleman-9883421 February 2020
Another amateurish late '80s SOV horror film filmed in rural Connecticut. It's essentially a sitcom with a horror-themed plot. Three kids are left at home when their father goes on a business trip out of state and leaves them in the care of their vile, abusive aunt (played by writer-director Jon McBride's mother), when she is accidentally killed, the kids dispose of her body via a woodchipper and then have to deal with the aunt's deadbeat son who comes for a visit. Okay for its weird theme, but nothing really special.
This movie is horrible, but I love it!
videobob11 June 2002
This movie was shot on video in 1988 as Jon McBrides second feature. Shot on a Panasonic AG-450 S-VHS camcorder, and using local actors, friends and family Jon made a masterpiece. Well written and scored by Jon, the video was edited and distributed nationally in 1989. I rented this movie in the early 90's and it inspired me to take my hobby of video and take it another level. When I realized that anyone with the talent and ambition could actually make a movie and have it out there for millions to see I pursued television. Jon went on to make many other movies and appear in several other TV shows, Soaps, and even a Michael Jackson video! Little Tommy grew up to be an Emmy award winning writer for daytime drama. Jon had a good eye for talent. Most recently, WOODCHIPER MASSACRE was featured on the national syndicated show, "Videobob's Stupid Movie of the Week". The was a hit and one of the best ratings grabber for the show. - VB
Little Known Factoid
garytheroux28 July 2006
I've never actually seen this film but can tell you one thing about its production. While a comedy/oldies radio DJ in 1988, I got a call from the production company. They asked if I'd write and record a bit they'd drop into the soundtrack as sounds eminating from a TV (the television screen itself would never be shown). I said sure, wrote a parody of '50s sci-fi monster clichés, rounded up some sound effects and called in another DJ, Pam Landry, to play the female part. As she happened to be on the air at the time, she put on a long song, joined me at the mike in the production room and we cut the voicetrack in a single take. Giggling, she then went back to her show while I mixed in the goofy sound effects. We'd have never done it if we'd known that "Woodchipper Massacre" was going to be such a turkey -- but, then again, we never got paid for our efforts, either! -- Gary Theroux
Waste of life
rogerebertisfat23 January 2004
What a HUGE pile of dung. Shot-on-video (REALLY crappy camcorder, NOT digital) pile of garbage. It is without a doubt, the stupidest thing ever made. The fact that this crap was actually released is completely asanine. Everyone who sees it will become stupider for having watched it. Seriously. I felt like it killed several brain cells after I watched this garbage. The positive reviews of this a$$crap were obviously made by the "filmmaker" (and I use the term VERY loosely) himself and/or his family and friends because no normal person with the intelligence of a squirrel would honestly like this waste of life. Trust me, stay the hell away from this video. You'll thank me for it. Avoid it like herpes.
Funny low budget horror film
zombieoutbreak-741992 February 2021
Art Imitates Life
Flixer195723 August 2002
Warning: Spoilers
**May Contain Spoilers**
Oh, boy, just what the world neededanother fright flick from Donna Michelle Productions, the same outfit that gave us CANNIBAL CAMPOUT. Director McBride himself plays a lad who, along with brother Tom Casiello and sister Denice Edeal, are left in the care of their bitchy Aunt Tess. Tessie objects to everything that's fun including trashy horror flicks like this one. Matters come to a head when young Tom receives a Rambo survival knife in the mail and the old bag catches him with it. "You give that to me!" she screeches, so of course he does about five inches of steel right in the gizzard. Denice looks down at the bloody corpse and cheerfully chirps, "Now you'll never get that ten-speed!" There's the slight matter of what to do with the body, and how to deal with a nosy intruder, until the kiddies remember the handy wood-chipper in the back yard. Unlike CANNIBAL CAMPOUT this flick is deliberately dopey and doesn't take itself at all seriously. The fact that the young actors emote like students in a school pageant only adds to the hilarity. It's also more restrained in the gore department; as with many "massacre" movies the lurid title makes it seem more horrible than it actually is. By the way, Tess is played by Patricia McBride; could it be that Jon's whole family is as sick as he is? I certainly hope so! One of Aunt Tess's gripes is that horror movies incite people to violence. This movie, based on a real case in Connecticut, proves that art, especially bad art, imitates life instead.
Oh, boy, just what the world neededanother fright flick from Donna Michelle Productions, the same outfit that gave us CANNIBAL CAMPOUT. Director McBride himself plays a lad who, along with brother Tom Casiello and sister Denice Edeal, are left in the care of their bitchy Aunt Tess. Tessie objects to everything that's fun including trashy horror flicks like this one. Matters come to a head when young Tom receives a Rambo survival knife in the mail and the old bag catches him with it. "You give that to me!" she screeches, so of course he does about five inches of steel right in the gizzard. Denice looks down at the bloody corpse and cheerfully chirps, "Now you'll never get that ten-speed!" There's the slight matter of what to do with the body, and how to deal with a nosy intruder, until the kiddies remember the handy wood-chipper in the back yard. Unlike CANNIBAL CAMPOUT this flick is deliberately dopey and doesn't take itself at all seriously. The fact that the young actors emote like students in a school pageant only adds to the hilarity. It's also more restrained in the gore department; as with many "massacre" movies the lurid title makes it seem more horrible than it actually is. By the way, Tess is played by Patricia McBride; could it be that Jon's whole family is as sick as he is? I certainly hope so! One of Aunt Tess's gripes is that horror movies incite people to violence. This movie, based on a real case in Connecticut, proves that art, especially bad art, imitates life instead.
Worst movie ever made bar none!!! *spoilers*
amishgoat23 December 2006
Warning: Spoilers
The only reason I even gave it a 1 out of 10 is because the option to give it zero out of 10 was not allowed. This was the biggest waste of time I've ever endured. For roughly 75 minutes, you are subjected to the WORST acting (and I don't mean that in a good way either, like as in KILLER NERD which had great horrible acting) and a plot that is not only ridiculous but also has absolutely NOTHING to do with a massacre. The reason I even rented this piece of crap was because it has massacre in the title. That said, there was only one killing in the entire movie and it was pretty lame at that. You spend more time watching the kids bickering and doing yard work than anything. Speaking of the kids, the little boy actor is probably the most irritating child actor since bob from house by the cemetery. Did I mention it was shot on video as well? If you want to throw away money and over an hour of your life, then by all means watch it. But if you savor your hard earned dollars and time, then stray as far away as possible.
Hilariously bad!
whammy66617 December 2007
I love retro 80's shockers that were shot on video. This falls into this category. Extremely cheap with horrible direction and even worse acting, with an outrageous plot, this is a very entertaining bad movie fun fest. The main problem for me with this movie was every actor has a very annoying voice...especially that girl, she is always whining. If you can get passed their annoying voices, you'll laugh your butt off. Although, don't expect much gore...it is not a horror movie, really ,but more of a comedy. The movie is about some kids who are alone for the weekend, well, not alone, they have their babysitting annoying aunt watching them. When their aunt dies in a complete "accident" they must dispose of the body in any wayy possible, in the most original disposing of a body ever, that even CSI won't touch! Also, one of the best taglines ever...Watch this if you want to see a realllly bad movie.
Not bad!
BandSAboutMovies28 September 2021
Warning: Spoilers
Jon McBride acted, wrote, directed, edited, and composed this movie for $400. I kind of wonder why he didn't name it The Connecticut Woodchipper Massacre. That may be because it's way closer to Don't Tell Mom the Babysitter Is Dead, but that movie never had a kid accidentally stab his aunt with a Rambo knife that she wouldn't let him have. Let me tell you, I wanted one of those knives too, so I completely get it.
I also completely get the worry of having the yard raked before your father gets home when you told him it'd be done. That said, again, I've never used my cousin as compost spread all over the yard. I guess I lived a pretty sheltered life.
This film was based on the 1986 Newtown, CT murder of Helle Crafts by her husband Richard, which also was where Fargo got the idea. I would guess that the Coen Brothers didn't have to shoot all of their woodchipper scenes in one weekend because they only had money to rent it once.
I also completely get the worry of having the yard raked before your father gets home when you told him it'd be done. That said, again, I've never used my cousin as compost spread all over the yard. I guess I lived a pretty sheltered life.
This film was based on the 1986 Newtown, CT murder of Helle Crafts by her husband Richard, which also was where Fargo got the idea. I would guess that the Coen Brothers didn't have to shoot all of their woodchipper scenes in one weekend because they only had money to rent it once.
10 Stars Overall
BloodyBirthday10 December 2003
I liked this movie. It was entertaining and I thought it was funny. Not much gore but still if you have an imagination then use it. The lady that played Aunt Tess gets the bitch of the year award. The teenage girl is a total airhead and the little boy is a cute dork who tries very hard to be professional and not laugh during a few scenes. I have seen a lot of crap and I must say that this movie is a gem compared to some movies I have scene. This is not the worst movie ever made. If you want that one then rent AXE EM! Even MONSTURD is better than AXE EM! If you are the kind of person who often picks up crappy movies and endures them, then you will find this one to be a real treat, a breath of fresh air if you will.
Why this movie is the best five bucks Ive spent in years!
I say it is a keeper!
Why this movie is the best five bucks Ive spent in years!
I say it is a keeper!
Tom Casiello's ultimate performance
ari-1315 August 1998
Tied as the WORST thing ever made!
kcufthepolice17 August 2003
This pile of sh!t is tied in my book as the worst thing ever made. I can't BELIEVE that someone actually relased this CRAP, let alone acually MADE it. HORRIBLE, HORRIBLE, HORRIBLE. Not even worth mentioning the damn story or any details about it. THAT's how bad it actually is. Avoid it like SARS!
Despite it's remarkably cheap production values, this film is a lot of fun
LLAAA483728 June 2009
Jon McBride may not have money, but damn can he make an entertaining film! WOODCHIPPER MASSACRE is a lot of fun! This film is full of hilarious dialogue and characters. It's one of the most macabre and original premises for a film I can think of. This isn't exactly a horror film. It isn't exactly anything, though I suppose some may describe it as a black comedy.
It's pretty much about these kids whose relative comes over to take care of them. She turns out to be rather cruel to them and they end up accidentally murdering her, and they have to dispose of her body in the woodchipper. Afterward, a related family member of her shows up and the craziness really picks up! Keep in mind that this is not a good film by any means. It's poorly acted, poorly lit, and very poorly shot. However, it is also self-conscience of all this and, rather then drift into camp territory, it goes all the way. This may be bad, but at least it's good natured and at least it's funny. It's also never boring. If you want to watch a really entertaining film, I recommend you check this out!
It's pretty much about these kids whose relative comes over to take care of them. She turns out to be rather cruel to them and they end up accidentally murdering her, and they have to dispose of her body in the woodchipper. Afterward, a related family member of her shows up and the craziness really picks up! Keep in mind that this is not a good film by any means. It's poorly acted, poorly lit, and very poorly shot. However, it is also self-conscience of all this and, rather then drift into camp territory, it goes all the way. This may be bad, but at least it's good natured and at least it's funny. It's also never boring. If you want to watch a really entertaining film, I recommend you check this out!
Annoyingly loud, even when the chipper isn't turned on.
BA_Harrison26 September 2021
We don't need to have seen Fargo to know that dumping a body in a wood chipper ain't a pretty sight. Soooo.... Woodchipper MASSACRE? That's gotta be some seriously stomach-churning splattery horror goodness, right?
Well, no actually, because this regional effort, shot entirely on video (the old, grainy type), isn't really a horror, but more of a dark comedy. And besides, the virtually non-existent budget was clearly blown on renting the titular heavy machinery, leaving nothing in the coffers for special effects.
It's a shame, because a wood chipper would be a cool machine to feature in a horror flick, allowing for some truly grisly sights as it noisily tears its way through anything pushed into its metal maw. That said, the chipper is nowhere near as harsh on the ears as the cast of this VHS trash, who bellow their lines at top volume even when the titular machine isn't running. Shrieking every line of dialogue at the top of her voice is Denice Edeal, who plays one of three siblings who decide to take drastic measures after they accidentally kill their Aunt Tess, played by Patricia McBride (who also has no volume control).
No less irritating are director Jon McBride and Tom Casiello as Denice's brothers Jon and Tom (imaginative names, huh?), and Kim Bailey as nasty Cousin Kim, who are so wooden that there's really only one place they should end up; sadly, only Kim gets fed into the chipper. To be honest, apart from the kids' father (Perren Page), there's not one character in this film I didn't want to see reduced to red mulch.
1.5/10, rounded down to 1 for the terrible picture and sound quality, the horrible Bontempi organ music, Tom's dreadful air guitar, the nasty pullovers, and the mullets.
Well, no actually, because this regional effort, shot entirely on video (the old, grainy type), isn't really a horror, but more of a dark comedy. And besides, the virtually non-existent budget was clearly blown on renting the titular heavy machinery, leaving nothing in the coffers for special effects.
It's a shame, because a wood chipper would be a cool machine to feature in a horror flick, allowing for some truly grisly sights as it noisily tears its way through anything pushed into its metal maw. That said, the chipper is nowhere near as harsh on the ears as the cast of this VHS trash, who bellow their lines at top volume even when the titular machine isn't running. Shrieking every line of dialogue at the top of her voice is Denice Edeal, who plays one of three siblings who decide to take drastic measures after they accidentally kill their Aunt Tess, played by Patricia McBride (who also has no volume control).
No less irritating are director Jon McBride and Tom Casiello as Denice's brothers Jon and Tom (imaginative names, huh?), and Kim Bailey as nasty Cousin Kim, who are so wooden that there's really only one place they should end up; sadly, only Kim gets fed into the chipper. To be honest, apart from the kids' father (Perren Page), there's not one character in this film I didn't want to see reduced to red mulch.
1.5/10, rounded down to 1 for the terrible picture and sound quality, the horrible Bontempi organ music, Tom's dreadful air guitar, the nasty pullovers, and the mullets.
Oh wow. This is really a bummer.
Hey_Sweden9 July 2017
"Woodchipper Massacre" is a classic example of a movie where one will be conditioned to expect certain things given the title, and director Jon McBrides' track record. But it's not an over the top splatterfest with a high body count. McBride, approaching the material like a sitcom, instead makes it a nearly bloodless dark comedy.
Three children: Jon (played by the writer / director), Denice (Denice Edeal), and Tom (Tom Casiello) have their Aunt Tess (Patricia McBride) forced on them when their dad (Perren Page) goes out of town on a business trip. She's a grumpy, moralizing holier than thou type, and is pretty insufferable. When she accidentally dies, the kids realize that the means of covering their asses is within reach...
It's understandable if you initially feel frustrated with this one, and think you were suckered in by false advertising. But if you are able to finally appreciate the movie for what it is, and not fret over what it isn't, it does provide some fairly amusing entertainment. The filmmaking is actually not that bad for a micro budget "shot on video" effort, although the music score is so godawful that it's a gas. The performances are hilariously absurd, although these characters do grow on you after a while. The scenario eventually turns into a time honored "beat the clock" sort of deal, as you wonder if the kids will be able to cover up their assorted crimes before Dad can return home early from his trip.
Decent entertainment with some blackly humorous moments.
Six out of 10.
Three children: Jon (played by the writer / director), Denice (Denice Edeal), and Tom (Tom Casiello) have their Aunt Tess (Patricia McBride) forced on them when their dad (Perren Page) goes out of town on a business trip. She's a grumpy, moralizing holier than thou type, and is pretty insufferable. When she accidentally dies, the kids realize that the means of covering their asses is within reach...
It's understandable if you initially feel frustrated with this one, and think you were suckered in by false advertising. But if you are able to finally appreciate the movie for what it is, and not fret over what it isn't, it does provide some fairly amusing entertainment. The filmmaking is actually not that bad for a micro budget "shot on video" effort, although the music score is so godawful that it's a gas. The performances are hilariously absurd, although these characters do grow on you after a while. The scenario eventually turns into a time honored "beat the clock" sort of deal, as you wonder if the kids will be able to cover up their assorted crimes before Dad can return home early from his trip.
Decent entertainment with some blackly humorous moments.
Six out of 10.
An absolutely awful, yet very amusing and hence hugely entertaining no-budget horror schlock black comedy howler
Woodyanders1 June 2007
Warning: Spoilers
Three kids in a dysfunctional suburban family -- mopey older brother John (writer/director Jon McBride), chipper sister Denise (perky Denice Edeal) and precious younger brother Tom (cute Tom Casiello) -- are left alone with their mean, annoying, overbearing religious fanatic old battle axe Aunt Tess (an outrageously hammy Patricia McBride) when their jolly dad (amiable Perren Page) goes away for the weekend on a business trip. Things turn sour when Tom accidentally kills the nasty old bat. The three siblings dispose of her corpse by stuffing it in a woodchipper. Matters are complicated when no-count sleazeball cousin Kim (a perfectly slimy Kim Bailey) comes poking around looking for Aunt Tess. Boy, does this alarmingly atrocious, but often uproarious and thus oddly enjoyable ghastly marvel possess all the right so wonderfully wretched stuff to rate as a total four-star stinkeroonie: hopelessly amateurish acting from a game no-name cast, plodding (non)direction, a slight, talky script, poky pacing, cruddy shot-on-grainy-video photography, hissy sound quality, a mechanically bouncy score, hilariously horrible dialogue ("We?! What's all this we stuff? You're the one that killed her!"), a gleefully deranged sense of pitchblack humor, and a meandering story. Moreover, there's a playfully dark and deviant oddball sensibility evident throughout which not only makes the whole movie feel like a third-rate drawn-out sitcom pilot gone seriously mental, but also gives this picture an undeniable kooky charm that's impossible to dislike. A so sick and shoddy that it's paradoxically spectacular sidesplitting riot.
Hey friends! I've got a $20 bill. Let's make a movie!
TipToeThroughHell22 May 2022
I'm pretty sure this cost $17.96 to make with a pawn shop camcorder... and I'm all for it. You can tell that everyone is having a blast and not taking anything seriously. The kids' intentional overacting and delivery are hilarious. Yes, it's Z grade schlock, but it's the most fun I've had watching a movie in awhile.
Wow
carolh4 August 1999
Tommie Casiello is the most fantastic actor I've ever seen. He has so much talent. What a guy. Without Tommie this film would have been complete garbage. Most horror films are but with this outstanding young actor it is a masterpiece. What theatrics and wonderful effects. Thank you Tommie for helping create one of life's wonderful evenings of entertainment. You are as sweet as a piece of banana cream pie.
"How much flesh would a woodchipper chip, if a woodchipper could chip flesh?"
Backlash00715 December 2003
Oh my god!! I'm a firm believer that bad movies can be good fun, but this is awful. The Woodchipper Massacre brings the horror film to a new low. There is not a doubt in my mind that this is one of the worst pieces of crap ever filmed. The acting, the music, the sweaters...I can't even describe it. It's obvious that it's just a couple of kids messing around with a home video recorder and thought they'd make a movie. I don't think you can really call it a movie though. The Woodchipper Massacre is a disgrace to B-movies everywhere. It's easily worse than Bloody Murder, and that's saying a lot. How this got distributed I'll never know. This is a major candidate for the title "worst movie ever made." It definitely gets my seal of approval.
entertaining and enjoyable
jordanbarr-1247225 May 2022
Tom Casiello is excellent
ldinkins3 August 1999
Mr. Casiello's performance as victim #4 was stunning. His smile as he was being stabbed can only be compared to that of the popular AMC actor, Forbes March. Mr. Casiello is indeed an up and comer. His appearance was brief and will make everyone forget March. Mr. Casiello brings a style to the genre that can only be described as unique. I look forward to his next project.
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