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- Jack Walsh: Oh Marvin, you did it this time!
- Marvin Dorfler: What the fuck are you talking about?
- Jack Walsh: Those were hired killers back there!
- Marvin Dorfler: Hired to kill who?
- Jack Walsh: [pointing to Mardukas] Hired to kill this guy!
- Jonathan Mardukas: Me! Me, can you believe it?
- Marvin Dorfler: Hired by who?
- Jack Walsh: Hired by who? Jimmy Serrano, that's who!
- Marvin Dorfler: Oh, fuck! Why they wanna kill this guy?
- Jack Walsh: Don't you read the papers, knucklehead?
- Marvin Dorfler: Yeah, I read the fuckin' papers!
- Jonathan Mardukas: I can't take this.
- Jack Walsh: Where am I? I'm in Boise, Idaho. No, no, no, wait a minute, I'm in Anchorage, Alaska. No, no, wait, I'm in Casper, Wyoming. I'm in the lobby of a Howard Johnson's and I'm wearing a pink carnation.
- Eddie Moscone: What the fuck are you talking about?
- Jack Walsh: I am not talking to you, I am talking to the other guys.
- Eddie Moscone: What other guys?
- Jack Walsh: Well, let me describe the scene to you. There are these guys, see? They've probably been up for like two days. They stink of B.O., they have coffee breath, they're constipated from sittin' on their asses for so long, they're sitting in a van, and they're probably parked right up the street from your office, Eddie. YOUR PHONE IS TAPPED!
- Jonathan Mardukas: Did she hurt you, Jack?
- Jack Walsh: Yeah, she did.
- Jonathan Mardukas: I'm sorry.
- Jack Walsh: What're you sorry about?
- Jonathan Mardukas: I'm sorry you're hurt.
- Jack Walsh: I'm not hurt.
- Jonathan Mardukas: You just said you were hurt.
- Jack Walsh: I'm not hurt.
- Jonathan Mardukas: You just said you were hurt!
- Jack Walsh: I didn't say I was hurt, YOU said I was hurt.
- Jonathan Mardukas: I asked you if you were hurt and you said "Yeah, I'm hurt."
- Jack Walsh: That's because you made me say it. Startin' to put words in my mouth.
- Jonathan Mardukas: Jack, you're a grown man. You're in control of your own words.
- Jack Walsh: You're goddamn right I am. Now here come two words for you: Shut the fuck up.
- Jack Walsh: I know my rights. You owe me phone calls.
- Alonzo Mosely: What should be of paramount importance to you right now is not the phone calls. It's the fact that you're gonna spend ten years for impersonating a federal agent.
- Jack Walsh: Ten years for impersonating a fed, huh?
- Alonzo Mosely: Ten years.
- Jack Walsh: How comes no one's after you?
- Jack Walsh: I can't keep you cuffed on a commercial flight, and I gotta check my gun with my luggage, but you fuck with me once and I'm gonna break your neck.
- Jonathan Mardukas: I can't fly.
- Jack Walsh: What?
- Jonathan Mardukas: You heard me, I can't fly.
- Jack Walsh: No, no, no. You're going to have to do better than that, pal.
- Jonathan Mardukas: No, I don't have to do better than that, because it's the truth, I can't fly: I suffer from aviaphobia.
- Jack Walsh: What does that mean?
- Jonathan Mardukas: It means I can't fly. I also suffer from acrophobia and claustrophobia.
- Jack Walsh: I'll tell you what: if you don't cooperate, you're gonna suffer from "fistophobia".
- [after Agent Moseley steals his cigarettes - again]
- Marvin Dorfler: Why don't you quit? It'd be cheaper for both of us.
- [last lines]
- Jack Walsh: [Jack hails cab. When it pulls over he knocks on passenger side front window and driver rolls it down]
- [Pointing at driver]
- Jack Walsh: You wouldn't have change for a thousand, would ya?
- Cab Driver: Whatta ya, a comedian? Get outta here, you bum!
- [Cab driver drives away]
- Jack Walsh: [Zips up coat and turns up collar] Looks like I'm walkin'.
- Alonzo Mosely: Let me tell you something, asshole. I've been working on this Jimmy Serrano thing for about six years; Mardukas is my shot. I'm gonna bring him into federal court, and I don't want any third-rate rent-a-thug who couldn't cut it as a cop in Chicago bringing him to LA on some bullshit local charge. Do I make myself understood?
- Jack Walsh: Can I ask you something? These sunglasses, they're really nice: are they government-issued, or all you guys go to the same store to get them?
- Jonathan Mardukas: Jahé, everybody, jahé
- Jack Walsh: What's that?
- Jonathan Mardukas: It means 'hello'. I can say 'hello' in a lot of different languages. Not yours, but a lot of them.
- Jimmy Serrano: Don't say a word to me, Sidney, don't say a fucking word to me. I'll get up and I'll bury this telephone in your head.
- Jimmy Serrano: Sidney, siddown, relax, have a sandwich, drink a glass of milk, do some fuckin' thing.
- Eddie Moscone: What happened to the goddamn plane?
- Jack Walsh: [Uneasy] He doesn't like to fly.
- Eddie Moscone: He doesn't like to fly? What the fuck does that mean? Listen to me, Jack. You've gotta be here in less than two and a half fuckin' days! A half a million dollars of my money... WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON THERE?
- Jack Walsh: Eddie, Eddie, I swear to God, don't start with me or so help me, I will shoot him and dump him in a fuckin' swamp!
- [Mardukas looks frightened but Jack shakes his head at him as in "not really"]
- Jonathan Mardukas: You lied to me first!
- Jack Walsh: What the - -YOU LIED TO ME FIRST!
- Jonathan Mardukas: Yes! Yes. But you didn't know I was lying to you when you lied to me down by the river. So as far as you knew, you lied to me first!
- Jack Walsh: How can I argue with this guy. I don't know what the fuck he's talking about.
- Jonathan Mardukas: Two dollars? That's all you're gonna leave?
- Jack Walsh: That's fifteen percent.
- Jonathan Mardukas: That's thirteen percent. These people depend on tips for a living!
- Jimmy Serrano: You and that other dummy better start getting more personally involved in your work, or I'm gonna stab you through the heart with a fuckin' pencil. Do you understand me?
- Tony Darvo: You got it, Jimmy.
- Joey: Hey, Tony... he ain't mad at me, is he?
- Jonathan Mardukas: What's the name of this establishment?
- Red Wood: Red's Corner Bar.
- Jonathan Mardukas: Are you Red?
- Red Wood: Yes.
- Jonathan Mardukas: Do you dye your hair?
- Red Wood: No.
- [pause]
- Jonathan Mardukas: Why do they call you Red?
- Red Wood: It's short for Redwood. My last name's Wood.
- Jonathan Mardukas: What's your first name?
- Red Wood: Bill.
- Alonzo Mosely: Where's Jack Walsh?
- Train Porter: He got off with the other guy - - two or three stops ago. His real name's "Mosely".
- Alonzo Mosely: [shouting in a sudden frustrated outburst] I'M Mosely!
- Jonathan Mardukas: You two are the dumbest bounty hunters I have ever seen! You couldn't even deliver a bottle of milk!
- Jack Walsh: That whole fuckin' department was corrupt!
- Jonathan Mardukas: There's good and bad everywhere, don't you think?
- Jack Walsh: Eh, well, I'd say there's bad everywhere. Good I don't know about.
- Marvin Dorfler: [after Mosely takes his cigarettes for the second time] Why don't you quit? It'd be cheaper for both of us.
- Jonathan Mardukas: [impersonating an FBI agent] Would you describe exactly what the last man who passed a $20 bill to you looked like?
- Bar Cashier: Thirty, tall...
- Jonathan Mardukas: About 6 feet?
- Bar Cashier: [shakes head] Six-five.
- Jonathan Mardukas: Dark hair?
- Bar Cashier: Light colored.
- Jonathan Mardukas: [looks at Jack] Sounds like our man.
- Jack Walsh: [Screaming to Eddie Moscone on the phone] You put Marvin on this case you fuckin' piece of shit? You fucking, deceptive - You VERMIN! You SLIMEBALL in a SEA of PUS!
- Jonathan Mardukas: I got money, y'know.
- Jack Walsh: I'm sure you do.
- Jonathan Mardukas: I'll give you whatever you want.
- Jack Walsh: Start by shutting up. I know you all of two minutes and already I don't like ya.
- Jonathan Mardukas: Gee, that's too bad. I really like you.
- Jonathan Mardukas: You ever had sex with an animal Jack? Remember those chickens on the Indian reservation? There were some good looking chickens there Jack. You know, between us...
- Jack Walsh: Yeah, there were a couple there I might've taken a shot at.
- [both laugh heartily]
- Jack Walsh: Are you gonna propose to me?
- Joey: Propose?
- Jack Walsh: Propose! Because if you're not, quit starin' at me, OK?
- Jack Walsh: How much is here?
- Jonathan Mardukas: Neighborhood of three hundred thousand.
- Jack Walsh: That's a, that's a... very respectable neighborhood.
- Airline Pilot: Can I help you guys?
- Alonzo Mosely: Special Agent Mosely, FBI.
- Airline Pilot: Are all you guys named "Mosely"?
- Jack Walsh: Oh Marvin, you did it this time!
- Marvin Dorfler: What the fuck are you talking about?
- Jack Walsh: Those were hired killers back there!
- Marvin Dorfler: Hired to kill who?
- Jack Walsh: [pointing to Mardukas] Hired to kill this guy!
- Jonathan Mardukas: Me! Me, can you believe it?
- Marvin Dorfler: Hired by who?
- Jack Walsh: Hired by who? Jimmy Serrano, that's who!
- Marvin Dorfler: Oh, fuck! Why they wanna kill this guy?
- Jack Walsh: Don't you read the papers, knucklehead?
- Marvin Dorfler: Yeah, I read the fuckin' papers!
- Jonathan Mardukas: I can't take this.
- Jimmy Serrano: Sidney, relax. Have a cream soda. Everything's gonna be all over with in a few minutes.
- Jonathan Mardukas: Why would you eat that?
- Jack Walsh: Why? 'Cause it tastes good.
- Jonathan Mardukas: But it's not good for you.
- Jack Walsh: I'm aware of that.
- Jonathan Mardukas: Why do something that you know is not good for you?
- Jack Walsh: Because I don't think about it.
- Jonathan Mardukas: Well, that's living in denial.
- Jack Walsh: Living in denial?
- Jonathan Mardukas: Yeah.
- Jack Walsh: I'm aware of that.
- Jonathan Mardukas: So you're aware of all your behavior?
- Jonathan Mardukas: yet you continue to do things that aren't good for you.
- Jonathan Mardukas: That sounds sort of foolish. Don't you think, Jack?
- Jonathan Mardukas: You ever had lyonnaise potatoes? They are these types of potatoes that are sautéed but then they have this onion thing added to them, and they are really, really delicious. They work well with any, uh, chicken or pork dish. You know I could set you up with lyonnaise potatoes for the rest of your life.
- Jack Walsh: Why don't you just shut the fuck up!
- Gail: Jack you shouldn't be here. Ted will come arrest you and him.
- Jack Walsh: Arrest us?
- Gail: Yeah.
- Jack Walsh: Then we're in trouble because I'm afraid I'm little short of bribe money.
- Gail: All right Jack, don't.
- Jack Walsh: How is Lieutenant whatever-his-name-is?
- Gail: It's captain now.
- Jack Walsh: Oh, captain! Royalty!
- Gail: Jack, I don't want any trouble. Do you understand that? Please. It's not a good day for this. I mean it!
- Jack Walsh: I'm sorry my fugitive timetable doesn't coincide with your social calendar.
- Jonathan Mardukas: I don't think she's saying that.
- Jack Walsh: Stay out of this, John.
- Gail: All right, same old Jack. You get your feelings hurt then you just walk around and hurt everybody else.
- Jack Walsh: The last thing I need right now is one of your lectures.
- Gail: I'm not lecturing you, stupid! I'm trying to protect you.
- Jack Walsh: Oh, come on.
- Gail: Ted will be home any minute. We're all going out tonight. It's an important night for us.
- Jack Walsh: Important night? What so important about tonight? Wait, let me guess. What is it, pay-off night?
- Gail: All right, that's it. Get out!
- Airline Ticket Clerk: [selling a flight ticket to Marvin] Would that be smoker or non-smoker, sir?
- Marvin Dorfler: [exhaling smoke] Take a wild guess.
- Jonathan Mardukas: Why don't you put the cigarette out.
- Jack Walsh: Why don't you shut up and leave me alone?
- Jonathan Mardukas: Put the cigarette out, Jack.
- Jack Walsh: What a...
- Jonathan Mardukas: Put the cigarette out.
- Jack Walsh: [laughing, motioning as if putting it out] What a pain in the ass this guy is.
- [takes a drag]
- Jonathan Mardukas: I thought you were putting it out.
- Jack Walsh: No I'm not putting it out.
- Jonathan Mardukas: Why aren't you popular with the Chicago Police Department.
- Jack Walsh: I never took a payoff in my life and I'm not gonna start with someone like you.
- Jonathan Mardukas: Why not?
- Jack Walsh: Because you're a fucking criminal and you deserve to go where you're going and I'm gonna take you there and if I hear any more shit outta you: I'm gonna fucking bust your head and I'll put you back in that fucking hole and I'm gonna stick your head in the fucking toilet bowl and I'm gonna make it stay there.
- Jonathan Mardukas: [making fun of Jack] Jack? "What?" When do you think you we're gonna get to L.A.? "None of your fucking business!" Well, I have to go to the bathroom. "Shut the fuck up!"
- Jonathan Mardukas: You're OK, Jack. I think... under different circumstances you and I probably still would have hated each other!
- [Both laugh loudly]
- Jimmy Serrano: This is it. Tonight is the fucking night. I am tired of all these screw-ups. As soon as I get the discs from Walsh, you guys drop Walsh and then you drop the Duke. You understand? I get the discs, you drop them.
- Jimmy Serrano: [to Mardukas after he finally captures him] So I'm finally in the presence of greatness, huh? The Duke. The guy that steals money from the scum of the earth and gives it to the unfortunates of the world. I wanted to meet you face to face. Did you actually think that you were gonna steal my money and get away with it? I stopped by here to tell you two things. Number one is that you're gonna die tonight. Number two, I'm gonna go home, have a nice hot meal, I'm gonna find your wife and I'm gonna kill her, too.
- [backhands the Duke across the face]
- [Jack is hotwiring a truck]
- Jonathan Mardukas: You get it started, and I'll run you over. That's the best plan I can think of.
- Marvin Dorfler: Are you gonna stand up there with your thumb up your ass? Or you gonna get me the fuck outta here?
- Jimmy Serrano: I thought you said this guy was gonna be on the plane.
- Tony Darvo: That's the information we got.
- Jimmy Serrano: "That's the information we got." I'm gonna tell you something. I want this guy taken out, and I want him taken out fast. You and that other dummy better start getting more personally involved in your work, or I'm gonna stab you through the heart with a fucking pencil. You get the message?
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