- Dean: Natalie! I was wondering, if you were driving 55 miles per hour and you collided with a runaway train, would it make ANY improvement on your face?
- Mr. Anderson: We had a college fund set aside for you! That's gone now! You had free room and board, two trusting parents and a social life. All gone! You had a TV, a stereo, baseball, tennis racket, a skateboard, a bicycle - All gone! you even had sunlight and a window in your room!
- Les: [while chasing the drunk man in the Beatle car] I don't care what you say to the man just get him to pull over.
- Charles: The man is a drunken lunatic don't you think this is a little bit dangerous.
- Les: Your telling about dangerous, Charles you want to know whats dangerous. Me going home and having to explain to my father that this piece of shit is my Grandfather's Cadillac.
- Mr. Anderson: You are damn lucky that your mother didn't go into labor tonight!
- Mrs. Anderson: Robert!
- Mr. Anderson: DAMN LUCKY!
- Mrs. Anderson: ROBERT! I AM in labor!
- Miss Hellberg: Well, Mr. Anderson... We were able to retrieve your test results from the computer. And as I suppose you already know, YOU FAILED. God giveth, and the DMV taketh away. You mustn't fuck with the Department of Motor Vehicle. We can make your life a living hell.
- Les' DMV Examiner: Driving instructor: Now Anderson, I want you to take a good look at my cup of coffee. Now, I LOVE my coffee. It's probably the only thing I cherish on this god forsaken mud ball called Earth! What I'm trying to say, Anderson, is that most examiners rely on this clipboard...
- [throws the clipboard out the window]
- Les' DMV Examiner: I don't believe in that shit. What I do believe is in my cup of coffee. Now this coffee is hot. If it falls on me it'll probably burn me, right? Speak up, son!
- Les: Yes, yes!
- Les' DMV Examiner: And nobody likes to get burned, now do they?
- Les: No, no!
- Les' DMV Examiner: So it's simple: You burn me, you fail. You don't, you pass.
- Dean: Les, that license in your wallet, that's not an ordinary piece of paper, that is a driver's license, and its not only a driver's license, it's an automobile license, and it's not only an automobile license, it's a license to live, a license to be free, a license to go wherever, whenever and with whomever you choose.
- Les' DMV Examiner: Last name first, first name last!
- Les: Uh... Anderson... Les Anderson.
- Les' DMV Examiner: Buckle up, son, it's the real world out here!
- Les: Hey dad, did you take a look at that brochure I gave you?
- Mr. Anderson: Yeah.
- Les: And what did you think?
- Mr. Anderson: A 23,000 dollar BMW for a kid who hasn't had a job in his life... I think it's a great idea!
- Les: I'm with her!
- Club Doorman: Boy, you wouldn't be with her if she was your Siamese twin. Now get lost.
- Les: While taking his license test, Les halts on a hill top, as instructed and the car behind him honks...
- Les' DMV Examiner: What are you waiting for son, Christmas?
- Les: Les jams the breaks in order to prevent an accident and looks over at the instructor whose coffee cup lands in his crotch...
- Les' DMV Examiner: You're in luck son... the cup... was empty...!
- Mr. Anderson: Les. Can you tell me what size SHARK is responsible for this. No don't say anything, save it for the judge.
- Mr. Anderson: I'm making some room for the old boat. Want to help, Dean?
- Dean: I'd love to, Mr. Anderson. But I just remembered.
- [Pretends to cough]
- Dean: I'm allergic to, uh...
- [Thinks]
- Dean: ...dust and cardboard boxes.
- Charles: We're going to be locked up with men who murdered, and raped, and robbed convenience stores.
- School Teacher: Mr. Anderson... It's punks like you that paramedics end up scraping off the road at four in the morning. For your sake, and the safety of others, I hope you fail your driving exam.
- Mr. Anderson: The last thing he's gonna be worried about is his car,
- [opens the door to let grandpa in]
- Mr. Anderson: Hi Dad.
- Grandpa Anderson: Where's my Caddy?
- Mr. Anderson: [grabs Les and puts him in front of him frightly] LES DID IT!
- Tow Truck Driver: [while Les is on the hood of the truck] Son I driven with deer, elk, and even bears strapped to the hood of this truck. So no 65 pound sack of shit is gonna shake me a hell a differnce.
- Les: Listen mister I'll give you everything I got.
- Tow Truck Driver: [driver stops and Les goes flying off the hood] Just how much you talking.
- Les: Crazy? You want to talk about crazy? Crazy is ME going home, and trying to explain to my grandfather that this piece of shit is his car!