Condiviso con te
- King Jaffe Joffer: So, what is it, my son?
- Prince Akeem: Well, father, first of all it is things like this.
- King Jaffe Joffer: Like what?
- Prince Akeem: The rose petals.
- Queen Aoleon: What is the matter, dear? You are the son of a king, why should you not walk on the petals of roses?
- Prince Akeem: Ah, but mother, if there were no rose petals I would still be the son of a king.
- King Jaffe Joffer: Then it is settled.
- [announcing to the rest of the room]
- King Jaffe Joffer: From this day forth, anyone who throws roses at my son's feet will answer to me.
- [the female rose bearers nervously back out of the room]
- Prince Akeem: [shouting from the outside fire escape of his apartment in a rough part of Queens, New York] Good morning, my neighbors!
- Voice: Hey, fuck you!
- Prince Akeem: [blissfully ignorant of what this means] Yes! Yes! Fuck you too!
- Prince Akeem: Sir, did you happen to catch the professional football contest on television last night?
- Cleo McDowell: No, I didn't.
- Prince Akeem: Oh sir, the Giants of New York took on the Packers of Green Bay. And in the end, the Giants triumphed by kicking an oblong ball made of pigskin through a big "H". It was a most ripping victory.
- Cleo McDowell: Son, I'm only going to tell you this one time.
- Prince Akeem: Yes?
- Cleo McDowell: If you want to keep working here, stay off the drugs.
- Prince Akeem: Yes.
- Rev. Brown: You see, I love the lawd. You understand what I'm sayin'? I love the lawd. And if lovin' the lawd is wrong, I don't wanna be right.
- King Jaffe Joffer: We've gone to a great deal of trouble to select for you a very fine wife. Since the day she was born, she was taught to walk and speak and think as a queen.
- Prince Akeem: But, father, what if I do not love her?
- King Jaffe Joffer: It is normal to feel anxiety about meeting your queen.
- Queen Aoleon: When I first met your father, I was terrified.
- King Jaffe Joffer: I must admit, I was frightened too.
- Queen Aoleon: I was so nervous, I became nauseous. But over the years, I have grown to love your father very much.
- King Jaffe Joffer: So you see, my son, there is a very fine line between love and nausea.
- Rev. Brown: I got a special treat for ya' this evening, a young man that you all know as Joe the Policeman from the "What's Going Down" episode of "That's My Momma". I want you to put your hands together, and welcome him to the stage. Big round of applauds for Jackson Heights own, Mr. Randy Watson, YES! Randy Watson!
- Clarence: You must be outta your God-damned mind! Joe Louis the greatest boxer who ever lived. I'll be with you boys in a minute. He was badder than Cassius Clay, he was better than Sugar Ray, he was badder than - who's that new boy? Mike Tyson! Look like a bull dog! He was badder than him too! He'd whip Mike Tyson's ass, he'd whip all their asses!
- Saul: What about Rocky Marciano?
- Clarence: Oh, there they go! There they go! Every time I start talking about boxing, a white man gotta pull Rocky Marciano outta their ass! That's they one! That's they one! Rocky Marciano! Rocky Marciano! Lemme tell you something once and for all! Rocky Marciano was good, but compared to Joe Louis, Rocky Marciano ain't shit!
- Saul: He beat Joe Louis's ass!
- Morris: That's right, he did whip Joe Louis's ass!
- Clarence: Joe Louis was seventy-five years old when he fought!
- Morris: I don't know how old he was, but he got his ass whooped.
- Clarence: Joe Louis had come out of retirement to fight Rocky Marciano! The man was seventy-six years old! Joe Louis always lied about his age! He lied about his age all the time! One time, Frank Sinatra came in here, and sat in this chair. I say, "Frank, you hang out with Joe Louis. Just between me and you, how old is Joe Louis?" Know what Frank told me? He said "Hey, Joe Louis is a hundred thirty-seven years old." A hundred and thirty-seven years old!
- Sweets: Oh, man, you ain't never meet no Frank Sinatra.
- Clarence: FUCK YOU! FUCK YOU! AND FUCK YOU! Who's next?
- Lisa McDowell: [Lisa and Akeem are about to kiss] What about Patrice?
- Prince Akeem: I am not interested in Patrice.
- Lisa McDowell: What about Darryl?
- Prince Akeem: [dryly] I am not interested in Darryl either.
- King Jaffe Joffer: Semmi, you have disgraced yourself and you must be punished. You will confine yourself to our royal suite at the Waldorf-Astoria.
- [to Oha]
- King Jaffe Joffer: And see that he puts on some decent attire.
- [to the rose bearers]
- King Jaffe Joffer: And I want you to bathe him thoroughly.
- Semmi: Oh, thank you, Your Majesty!
- Maurice: Hey, I started out mopping the floor just like you guys. But now... now I'm washing lettuce. Soon I'll be on fries; then the grill. In a year or two, I'll make assistant manager, and that's when the big bucks start rolling in.
- Prince Akeem: I am Akeem.
- Lisa McDowell: It's nice to meet you, Akeem.
- Prince Akeem: I have recently been placed in charge of garbage. Do you have any that requires disposal?
- Lisa McDowell: No. It's totally empty.
- Prince Akeem: When it fills up, call me. I will take it out most urgently.
- Lisa McDowell: That's good to know.
- Prince Akeem: When you think of garbage, think of Akeem!
- Saul: [interrupts the end credits] Wait a minute. Wait a minute. Wait, stop right there. Listen. Stop right there a minute. A man goes into a restaurant. You listenin'? A man goes into a restaurant. He sits down, he's havin' a bowl of soup. He says to the waiter; "Waiter, come taste the soup." Waiter says; "Is there something wrong with the soup?" He says; "Taste the soup." He says; "Is there something wrong with the soup? Is the soup too hot?" He says; "Will you taste the soup?", "What's wrong is the soup to cold?", "Will you just taste the soup?", "All right, I'll taste the soup. Where's the spoon?", "Ah-ha!"
- [chuckles]
- Saul: "Ah-ha!"
- [he laughs, but no one else does]
- Saul: What do you know from funny, ya bastard?
- Cleo McDowell: Look... me and the McDonald's people got this little misunderstanding. See, they're McDonald's... I'm McDowell's. They got the Golden Arches, mine is the Golden Arcs. They got the Big Mac, I got the Big Mick. We both got two all-beef patties, special sauce, lettuce, cheese, pickles and onions, but their buns have sesame seeds. My buns have no seeds.
- Prince Akeem: [to hold-up man] It would be wise for you to put the weapon down.
- Hold-Up Man: Who the fuck is this asshole?
- Prince Akeem: Please refrain from using any further obscenities in the presence of these people.
- Hold-Up Man: What?
- Prince Akeem: I'm warning you. I will be forced to thrash you.
- Hold-Up Man: *Fuck* you!
- King Jaffe Joffer: [entering Akeem's old apartment to find the landlord sitting in a hot tub] You're not Akeem.
- Landlord: I know that.
- King Jaffe Joffer: [looking at Akeem's employee of the month award from McDowell's] What is this?
- Landlord: A photograph.
- King Jaffe Joffer: What is this - McDowell's?
- Landlord: It's a place on Queens Boulevard. I think he works there.
- King Jaffe Joffer: [outraged] My son works?
- [last lines]
- Lisa McDowell: Would you really have given up all of this just for me?
- Prince Akeem: Of course. If you like, we can give it all up now.
- Lisa McDowell: [briefly looks around at the crowds cheering them] Nah!
- Rev. Brown: I'm gonna pray for ya. And I want you to hold onto God's unchangin' hand. Cause it helped Joshua fight the battle of Jericho. Yes! It helped Daniel get out the lion's den. It helped *Gilligan* get off the island. Lawd!
- Prince Akeem: Oha, it is my twenty-first birthday. Do you think perhaps just once I might use the bathroom by myself?
- Oha: Most amusing, sir.
- [claps hands]
- Oha: Wipers!
- Lisa McDowell: So why did you come here?
- Prince Akeem: To find something special.
- Lisa McDowell: It's a long way to travel.
- Prince Akeem: No journey is too great when one finds what he seeks.
- [King Jaffe Joffer and his entourage, all elaborately dressed, have come to McDowell's fast food restaurant looking for Akeem]
- Maurice: Mr. McDowell?
- Cleo McDowell: Yes?
- Maurice: There's some people here to see you.
- Cleo McDowell: They're not from McDonalds are they?
- Maurice: I don't think so.
- King Jaffe Joffer: Time does fly fast, my son. It seems only yesterday I ordered your first diaper changed and now you're a man who's about to be married. She will give you much pleasure, don't you think?
- Prince Akeem: I am not sure if I am ready.
- King Jaffe Joffer: Son, I know we never had a talk about this but I always assumed that you had sex with your bathers. I know I do.
- Landlord: Hey Stu, your rent's due, motherfucker! And don't be pulling that falling down the stairs shit on me, you hear! Are you conscious? Shoot, every month the same damn thing.
- Prince Akeem: But when I marry, I want the woman to love me for who I am, not because of what I am.
- King Jaffe Joffer: And who are you?
- Prince Akeem: I am a man who has never tied his own shoes before!
- King Jaffe Joffer: Wrong. You are a prince who has never tied his shoes. Believe me, I tied my own shoes once. It is an overrated experience.
- King Jaffe Joffer: We shall return to Zamunda at once.
- Prince Akeem: I will not leave without Lisa.
- Queen Aoleon: So you do care for her?
- Prince Akeem: Mother, I love her.
- Queen Aoleon: Then go after her.
- [Akeem kisses her on the forehead and leaves]
- King Jaffe Joffer: Akeem! Akeem! I forbid you!
- Queen Aoleon: Put a sock in it, Jaffe, the boy is in love.
- Saul: A man has the right to change his name to vatever he vants to change it to. And if a man vants to be called Muhammad Ali, godammit this is a free country, you should respect his vishes, and call the man Muhammad Ali!
- Morris: His mamma call him Clay, imma call him Clay.
- Saul: Then you're a putz. All of you are putzes. They should change the sign outside from My-T-Sharp to 'ze Three Putzes.
- Oha: [singing] She's your Queen-to-be. A Queen-to-be forever. A Queen who'll do whatever his highness desires. She's your Queen-to-be. A vision of perfection. An object of affection to quench your royal fire. Completely free from infection. To be used at your discretion. Waiting only for your direction. Your Queen-to-be.
- Clarence: You know, Sweets, I met Dr. Martin Luther King once.
- Sweets: You lyin'. You ain't never met Dr. Martin Luther King.
- Clarence: Yeah, I met Dr. Martin Luther King in 1962 in Memphis, Tennessee. I walkin' down the street minding my own business, just walking on. Feelin' good. I walk around the corner, a man walk up, hit me in my chest, right. I fall on the ground, right. And I look up and it's Dr. Martin Luther King. I said 'Dr. King?' and he said 'Ooops, I thought you were some body else.'
- Sweets: Oh man, you lyin'. You ain't never met Martin Luther the King.
- Clarence: Knocked the wind out of me, yes he did.
- Sweets: No, he didn't.
- Clarence: Yes, he did.
- Sweets: No, he did not!
- Reverend Brown: Girl, you look so good, someone ought to put you on a plate and sop you up with a biscuit.
- [Prince Akeem is recognised by an awestruck Zamundan immigrant who has his photo taken with him]
- Basketball Game Vendor: I will cherish this experience for the rest of my life. For the rest of my life.
- Lisa McDowell: [after he leaves] Who was that?
- Prince Akeem: Just a man I met in the restroom.
- Telegraph Lady: You actually want to send this?
- Semmi: Why? What is wrong? Read it to me.
- Telegraph Lady: To His Majesty, King Jaffe Joffer, The Royal Palace, Zamunda. Sire, Akeem and I have depleted our funds. Kindly send 300, 000 American dollars immediately, as we are in dire straits. Your humble servant, Sem-i.
- Semmi: [correcting her] Semmi.
- Telegraph Lady: Semmi.
- Semmi: Should I make it 400,000?
- Telegraph Lady: You think that'd be enough?
- Semmi: You are right. 500,000.
- Telegraph Lady: As long as you're asking, why not go for a cool million?
- Semmi: You do not think that would be too much?
- Telegraph Lady: Naah.
- Big Stank Woman: [takes two shots in a row] See, that's the problem. I can't find a man that can satisfy me. Now some guys go an hour, hour in a half, that's it. A man's gotta put in overtime for me to get off.
- [takes another shot]
- Cleo: And, baby, when I tell ya the boy has got his own money, I mean the boy has got his own MONEY!
- [Presents the currency of Zamunda bearing Akeem's picture]
- Cleo McDowell: [to Darryl] Look, the girl doesn't like you any more! Can't you get that through your greasy head?
- King Jaffe Joffer: Even if she said yes, they still could not marry. It is against the tradition.
- Queen Aoleon: Well, it is a stupid tradition.
- King Jaffe Joffer: Who am I to change it?
- Queen Aoleon: I thought you were the King.
- [Prince Akeem has just given a wad of cash to a homeless man]
- Mortimer Duke: Randolph!
- Randolph Duke: Leave me alone, Mortimer.
- Mortimer Duke: Randolph, Randolph!
- Randolph Duke: I'm still not talking to you.
- Mortimer Duke: [showing him the money] Look.
- Randolph Duke: Mortimer, we're back.
- Clarence: Oh there they go. There they go, every time I start talkin 'bout boxing, a white man got to pull Rocky Marciano out their ass. That's their one, that's their one. Rocky Marciano. Rocky Marciano. Let me tell you something once and for all. Rocky Marciano was good, but compared to Joe Louis, Rocky Marciano ain't shit.
- Prince Akeem: I want a woman that's going to arouse my intellect as well as my loins!
- Semmi: Where will you find such a woman?
- Prince Akeem: In America!
- Cleo McDowell: What'd you say to my daughter?
- King Jaffe Joffer: I told her the truth. That Akeem could not be interested in her.
- Queen Aoleon: How can you be so sure?
- King Jaffe Joffer: Oh, come now. Our son cannot consort with such a girl.
- Cleo McDowell: Hey, now wait a minute!
- King Jaffe Joffer: Oha.
- [Oha gets out a chequebook]
- King Jaffe Joffer: I know you have been inconvenienced and I am prepared to compensate you. Shall we say one million American dollars?
- Cleo McDowell: No way.
- King Jaffe Joffer: Very well then, two million.
- Cleo McDowell: You haven't got enough money to buy my daughter off.
- King Jaffe Joffer: Nonsense!
- Queen Aoleon: Jaffe. Apologize to Mr. McDowell.
- King Jaffe Joffer: I will do no such thing. The man is beneath me and so is his daughter.
- Cleo McDowell: I don't give a damn who you are! This is America, Jack. Now, you say one more word about Lisa here and I'mma break my foot off in your royal ass!
- King Jaffe Joffer: Pardon me?
- Landlord: All right, here we are. There's only one bathroom on this floor, so you're going to have to share it. We got a bit of an insect problem, but you boys from Africa are used to that. And another thing, don't use the elevator. It's a death trap. This is the place I was telling you about. It's real fucked up. Got just one window facing a brick wall. Used to rent it to a blind man... damn shame what they did to that dog.
- Rev. Brown: [at Black Awareness Rally] But you know, when I look at these contestants! For the Miss Black Awareness Pageant, I feel good! I feel good, because I know there's a God somewhere! There's a God somewhere! Turn around ladies for me please! You know there's a God who sits on high and looks down low! Man cannot make it like this! Larry Flynt! Hugh Hefner! They can take the picture, but you can't make it! Only God above, the Hugh Hefner on high, can make it for ya!
- Semmi: [in audience to Akeem] Apparently these are the best women Queens has to offer. Pick one and let's go home.
- Prince Akeem: Be patient, my friend.
- Rev. Brown: Do you love Him? Do you feel joy? Say "Joy"!
- Prince Akeem: Joy!
- Rev. Brown: Joy! Can I get an "Ahe-men"? Don't be ashamed to call His name!
- Awareness Woman: Yes, Lord!
- Rev. Brown: Only God can give that woman the kind of joy she has right there! Make a joyful noise unto the Lord!
- Prince Akeem: I am very happy to be here!
- Rev. Brown: Amen! Yes, sir! Can I get an "Amen"? Ha! Ha! I don't know you what you come to do, but *I* come to praise the name! Lord, Lord!
- Semmi: But where in New York can one find a woman with grace, elegance, taste and culture? A woman suitable for a king.
- Prince Akeem, Semmi: Queens!
- Cleo McDowell: You know how to mop don't you?
- Prince Akeem: Oh yes.
- [Leaving the mop inside the wheely-bucket begins maneuvering it back and forth along the floor]
- Cleo McDowell: Don't use the bucket. It'll just confuse you.
- Imani Izzi: Ever since I was born, I've been trained to serve you.
- Prince Akeem: Yes, I know this. But I would like to know about you. What do you like to do?
- Imani Izzi: Whatever you like.
- Prince Akeem: What kind of music do you like?
- Imani Izzi: Whatever kind of music you like.
- Prince Akeem: Look, I know what I like. And I know that you know what I like because you were trained to know what I like, but I would like to know what you like. For instance, do you have a favourite food?
- Imani Izzi: Yes!
- Prince Akeem: Good! What is your favourite food?
- Imani Izzi: Whatever food you like.
- Prince Akeem: This is impossible. Listen, from this moment on, I command you not to obey me!
- Imani Izzi: No.