I purchased this title as a part of Troma's "Toxie's Top Ten." I certainly don't want to see "Toxie's Bottom-of-the-Barrel."
"The Newlydeads" starts off promising, though poorly photographed, with a news report mentioning Billie Jean King and the death of Bruce Lee. This is followed by the well-known song "Spooky." The film seemed to be striving to be more than standard 80s slasher fare. I happily settled back with my caramel apple martini.
We then meet Lloyd Stone, who owns a lodge and who evidently has very poor vision and is hard of hearing. He makes a move on a blonde guest, a move which is reciprocated, but things turn out badly. Fifteen years later, Lloyd is having a lawn wedding and the blonde guest shows up. From there, things go downhill for Lloyd, plus his other newlywed lodge guests, plus the audience.
I was giving "The Newlydeads" points for portraying the character of Jackie in a positive light, but while allowing Jackie to exact revenge on Lloyd is one thing, having her kill innocent others derails the film from any logic and leaves us without anyone for whom to root.
Among the all-white "newlyweds" is an elderly couple, still very much in love but treated in a condescending manner by both the filmmakers and the drunken priest, to whom they go to renew their vows. Also there is Chris, who sounds like Sharon Gless' Deb from "Queer as Folk," Chris being the "psychic" character so common in creatively bankrupt films. She "sees" things that are about to happen, something which used to turn on her husband but which now just serves to annoy him. She warns Lloyd that bad things are a-brewin' but he can't be bothered with such lunacy when he's got a hot, breast-baring new wife to bed.
Sure enough, the next morning a likable young couple is found dead and Chris pulls an "I told you so" on Lloyd. Instead of going to the police to report a bad-for-business double homicide, Lloyd frets over his day-long but already-troubled marriage and Chris, our supposed hero, urges him to get rid of the bodies that are starting to pile up. Jackie quickly realizes that Lloyd is incredibly stupid, even by cheesy horror movie standards, and keeps getting him to do very bad things.
This is the sort of film in which no one advises the surviving guests to, you know, CHECK OUT, and in which someone loses a loved one yet behaves as if nothing has happened. There's a mystery to solve, after all -- the body will keep! For those who like breasts, there are plenty of women well-cast in those roles. Cops finally show up, but behaving as if they're two of the paintball players from "Friday the 13th Part VI: Jason Lives." The conclusion is completely absurd. This is definitely a film that, if you must watch it, you should watch with friends, while drinking, and with sex on your minds.
"The Newlydeads" starts off promising, though poorly photographed, with a news report mentioning Billie Jean King and the death of Bruce Lee. This is followed by the well-known song "Spooky." The film seemed to be striving to be more than standard 80s slasher fare. I happily settled back with my caramel apple martini.
We then meet Lloyd Stone, who owns a lodge and who evidently has very poor vision and is hard of hearing. He makes a move on a blonde guest, a move which is reciprocated, but things turn out badly. Fifteen years later, Lloyd is having a lawn wedding and the blonde guest shows up. From there, things go downhill for Lloyd, plus his other newlywed lodge guests, plus the audience.
I was giving "The Newlydeads" points for portraying the character of Jackie in a positive light, but while allowing Jackie to exact revenge on Lloyd is one thing, having her kill innocent others derails the film from any logic and leaves us without anyone for whom to root.
Among the all-white "newlyweds" is an elderly couple, still very much in love but treated in a condescending manner by both the filmmakers and the drunken priest, to whom they go to renew their vows. Also there is Chris, who sounds like Sharon Gless' Deb from "Queer as Folk," Chris being the "psychic" character so common in creatively bankrupt films. She "sees" things that are about to happen, something which used to turn on her husband but which now just serves to annoy him. She warns Lloyd that bad things are a-brewin' but he can't be bothered with such lunacy when he's got a hot, breast-baring new wife to bed.
Sure enough, the next morning a likable young couple is found dead and Chris pulls an "I told you so" on Lloyd. Instead of going to the police to report a bad-for-business double homicide, Lloyd frets over his day-long but already-troubled marriage and Chris, our supposed hero, urges him to get rid of the bodies that are starting to pile up. Jackie quickly realizes that Lloyd is incredibly stupid, even by cheesy horror movie standards, and keeps getting him to do very bad things.
This is the sort of film in which no one advises the surviving guests to, you know, CHECK OUT, and in which someone loses a loved one yet behaves as if nothing has happened. There's a mystery to solve, after all -- the body will keep! For those who like breasts, there are plenty of women well-cast in those roles. Cops finally show up, but behaving as if they're two of the paintball players from "Friday the 13th Part VI: Jason Lives." The conclusion is completely absurd. This is definitely a film that, if you must watch it, you should watch with friends, while drinking, and with sex on your minds.
