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Richards
- Mr. Richards: Listen, that new stock boy, Switcher, has been promoted. He'll be doing windows at night. I just want you to keep an eye on him for me.
- Felix: Do you suspect pilferage, sir? I'd be happy to strip-search him.
- Mr. Richards: You people that work at night scare me. I want you to just watch him, let me know what he's up to, how he works.
- Claire Timkin: Good news, Jonathan. We've not only decided to keep you on, but I'm promoting you to visual merchandiser.
- Jonathan Switcher: [surprised] You're kidding! That's great! What is it?
- Claire Timkin: Just keep doing what you did last night and you'll be fine.
- Jonathan Switcher: Mrs. Timkin, I'm not sure I can do it again. Last night might have been a one-time inspiration.
- Claire Timkin: [encouraging] Oh Jonathan, don't doubt yourself. Go with it. Feel it. You're doing the job you were meant to do.
- Mr. Richards: Well, you must lead a charmed life. It was all I could do to save your skin in there. No thanks are necessary, Switcher!
- Mr. Richards: [on Jonathan] What arrogance! That worm of a stock boy has created an affront to the dignity of this store. I'll have it taken down immediately and make sure that lunatic never works in this town again.
- Felix: [handing Mr. Richards a container of shoe polish] Here, Mr. Richards. You had better put some camouflage on sir.
- Mr. Richards: I am not going to put shoe polish on my face, thank you. Now, could we please get into the store, Felix?
- Felix: [seeing Jonathan and Emmy leaving] It's him! It's her! Ooh, that little prevert! He's stealing her before we can!
- Mr. Richards: Okay, let's not do anything rash! We'll follow them quietly and look for just the right moment to grab them.
- Felix: Don't worry, Mr. Richards. I'm an expert at surveillance. Hang on!
- [They begin chasing Jonathan and Emmy]
- B.J. Wert: Richards! Richards, where in the hell did you learn to kiss ass like that? What? Did you take a class or something?
- Mr. Richards: [simpering chuckle] No, sir. No. It's a God-given gift.