Dorf on Golf (1987 Video)

Vincent Schiavelli: Leonard

Quotes 

• Dorf : Leonard will of course, be selecting the right club for me, and giving me some information on the course itself. Right, Leonard?

  Leonard : Huh?

  Dorf : The club, Leonard, the club! You'll be giving me information about the course, and selecting the right club.

  Leonard : Club's over there.

  Dorf : Leonard, that's the clubHOUSE.

  Leonard : It's pretty, isn't it?

  Dorf : [sarcastically]  Isn't it, though?

• Dorf : Leonard, get me the three.

  Leonard : Three?

  Dorf : Yes, Leonard. One, two, four, five, figure out what's missing.

  Leonard : I got it!

  Dorf : Good, Leonard! You get your numbers and colors down and you're going to be a real threat!

• Leonard : Ya got a pencil?

  Dorf : Now why would I be having a pencil?

  Leonard : So I can mark the ball.

• Dorf : Now Leonard, with dat well-trained caddy eye of yours, how far would you say we are from da nearest hole?

  [Leonard takes a long moment to look far across the course.] 

  Leonard : Far.

• Leonard : You know, you got thirty-two points on the first three holes alone!

• [Dorf is in the rough trying to get his ball out while Leonard watches on from a far distance] 

  Dorf : [shouting]  Leonard! Keepa your eye ona da ball!

  [pause] 

  Leonard : [shouting]  Right!

  [Dorf swings and misses] 

  Leonard : [shouting]  Was that a stroke?

  Dorf : [shouting]  No! When you hit da ball, it's a stroke! Dat was just practice!

  Leonard : [shouting]  Right!

  [Dorf swings and misses again] 

  Leonard : [shouting]  Was that a practice?

  Dorf : [shouting]  Shut up!

• Leonard : You got a lotta points now!

• Dorf : I'll tell you what, why don't you run over there and get yourself a tuna fish sandwich? I hear that-a fish is-a real good for de brain.

  [Dorf turns to face the camera] 

  Dorf : Now, let us begin.

  Leonard : You want lettuce on that tuna?

  Dorf : It appears to be a long day.