- Alien Leader's Voice: I expect you're wondering what you're doing soaking in Reg's eleven secret herbs and spices. Tomorrow we're having *you* for lunch!
- Barry: Why can't aliens be friendly?
- Derek: There's no glowing fingers on these bastards, we've got a bunch of Extra-Terrestrial psychopaths on our hands, like a visit from a planet full of Charlie Mansons, they've started on something small, its my guess they'll go onto something bigger next time, Christchurch, Wellington...
- Barry: Auckland?
- Derek: Yeah, well, that wouldn't be so bad.
- [after chainsawing through an alien's head, falling inside and exiting between its legs]
- Derek: I'm born again!
- Derek: Stay where you are then, and I'll give you an eye witness description of this, intergalactic wanker!
- Lord Crumb: The sad news is that we will be heading for Nalic Nod with six of our co-workers in a state of permanent death. They died today, murdered by some real assholes.
- Derek: Well this sure has buggered your plans for conquering the world, eh? Hehe... my friend, the astro-bastard, time for talkies. By the time my colleagues get here I want to have you babbling in some extra-terrestrial language!
- Derek: [about an alien, also played by Peter Jackson] There's something wrong with this guy, like he's got a couple screws loose or something.