Shanghai Surprise (1986)

Sean Penn: Glendon Wasey

Photos 

Quotes 

• Ho Chong : And you, Reverend Lady, would care for protection for treasured parts?

  Gloria Tatlock : No, thank you.

  Ho Chong : Your lips and ears, perhaps?

  Gloria Tatlock : Thank you, I said no.

  Ho Chong : Your twin pagodas, maybe?

  Gloria Tatlock : Definitely not!

  Ho Chong : Surely, you want to protect your haven of celestial bliss?

  Gloria Tatlock : How dare you!

  Glendon Wasey : I don't think the haven's in much danger.

• Glendon Wasey : Look at that.

  [shows him a tattoo outline of a naked lady] 

  Glendon Wasey : He didn't even finish the nipples on my little sweetheart.

• Glendon Wasey : There's probably 10,000 rickshaw boys in Shanghai. We're going to need a miracle.

  "Mr. Burns" : You forget my calling, Mr. Wasey. I believe in miracles.

• Ho Chong : Like Western companies, I insure those parts of the body deemed most precious by my customers.

  Glendon Wasey : How big a policy we got to buy to find Wu Ch'En She?

  Ho Chong : Here's a fine bargain: the armpits, the genitals and both ankles. Only 40 Shanghai dollars.

  Glendon Wasey : What have you got for 30?

  Ho Chong : For 30 dollars, I could do the armpits, the genitals, and both ankles; but, I could not find Wu Ch'En She!

  Glendon Wasey : Okay, how about, the armpits, the genitals...

  Gloria Tatlock : Mr. Wasey, would you please conclude this transaction.

  Glendon Wasey : All right. We take your 40 dollar policy.

• Glendon Wasey : A missionary lying! It's like pissing all over God's uniform.

• Glendon Wasey : You're looking for Faraday's flowers?

  Gloria Tatlock : You've heard of them?

  Glendon Wasey : I've also heard of El Dorado and the lost Dutchman's mine. They don't exist either. You're crazy!

• Glendon Wasey : Lunatics? You are worst than lunatics. Two missionaries and a glow-in-the-dark tie salesman do not just stroll up to people and ask if they've seen a 1,000 pounds of opium lying around.

• Glendon Wasey : This time they threw us in the fish; next time, we get grinded into cat food.

• China Doll : A good concubine always paints a whisper of pleasure to come upon her emperor.

  [paints a Chinese symbol on Wasey's chest] 

  China Doll : Do you know what this means?

  Glendon Wasey : Horse.

  China Doll : Now you must paint on me. Do you know the symbol of for the whip?

  Glendon Wasey : Whip? I'll try.

  China Doll : Tonight, we shall begin with the whip and the horse.

  Glendon Wasey : Whip? Where are we going to find a whip at this time of night?

  China Doll : Where else? But, at the end of the horse's tail.

  [sitting atop Wasey, swings her long black hair across his naked chest] 

• Joe Go : Joe Go know fast ball, curve ball, change up, even the elusive screwball. But, what the hell was this wondrous pitch?

  Glendon Wasey : Knuckleball.

• Glendon Wasey : I wish you'd give up this opium business and just go back to saving souls.

  Gloria Tatlock : Mr. Wasey, believe me, I'm not some little lamb whose lost in the woods.

  Glendon Wasey : No, you're not lost in the woods. You're lost in a jungle. Shanghai's the most dangerous city...

• Gloria Tatlock : You deceitful, jelly-spined, backstabbing bastard!

  Glendon Wasey : You didn't learn that in Brookline, Massachusetts.

  Gloria Tatlock : No! I got it from associating with - with pricks like you!

• Glendon Wasey : Perhaps I'll stay around here awhile.

  Gloria Tatlock : And do what?

  Glendon Wasey : I could give being a missionary a try.

  Walter Faraday : There'll be no drinking, no gambling, no whoring. My boy, I've tried it. It's hell on earth.

• "Mr. Burns" : Mr, eh?

  Glendon Wasey : Wasey. Glendon Wasey.