Desperately Seeking Susan (1985)

Mark Blum: Gary Glass

Photos 

Quotes 

• Leslie : I can't believe the two of you are eating in the middle of a crisis like this.

  Gary : We're nervous, what do you want...

  Leslie : Then take a Valium like a normal person.

• Leslie : It's not that uncommon. I was reading an article last week about a woman who would turn tricks in the city from nine until noon, then shop all afternoon before going home. She did it for years before her husband found out about it.

  Gary : Roberta can't be a prostitute! She doesn't even like sex that much. It's impossible.

  Leslie : Oh my God, I have heard that 4 out of 5 prostitutes are lesbians.

  Gary : Leslie, I think that I would know if my wife was a lesbian!

  Leslie : Why? You didn't know she was a prostitute.

• Gary : Are you a lesbian? Leslie told me lots of prostitutes are lesbians.

  Roberta : Gary, you're not listening to me. I'm not a prostitute or a lesbian!

• Gary : Susan! What are you doing?

  Susan : I've got good news and bad news. What do you want to hear first?

  Gary : You said you were going to leave!

  Susan : Okay, good news first. Your wife isn't partners with the greaseball.

  Gary : Susan, my wife has just been picked up on the Lower East Side escaping from her gun-toting pimp!

  Susan : He's not a pimp.

  Gary : He's not a pimp?

  Leslie : Who's not a pimp?

  Susan : The bad news is that he is probably going to try to kill her because he thinks she's me.

• Gary : What are you wearing?

  Roberta : A jacket. It used to belong to Jimi Hendrix.

  Gary : You bought a used jacket? What are we, poor?

• Gary : [takes a drag from a joint]  You know, you know how all time comes from a single point in the universe? You know what I mean?

  Susan : No.

• Susan : I'm going to go look for the Stranger.

  [exits] 

  Gary : What Stranger?

  Larry Stillman D.D.S : God, she's gorgeous.

  Leslie : Beauty fades.

• Susan : She kept a diary. It's great stuff.

  [Reading] 

  Susan : "Couldn't sleep. Went into kitchen. Gary came in, turned on light. Gary left. Finished birthday cake." Pages of it. It's got to be a cover, nobody's life could be this boring!

  Gary : You shouldn't be reading that, it's private.

  Susan : Yeah, well, it's not about her, it's about me. Listen to this.

  [Reading] 

  Susan : "He's looking for Susan again. She's late returning from Mexico. This is the fifth ad he's run. Why does he want to see her so badly? Who is she?" And there's my picture. Gary, why didn't you tell me she read the Personals? I could have settled this yesterday.

  Gary : She read them all the time. I didn't think...

  Susan : Yeah, well, fortunately, for everybody, I'm here and I'm thinking.

• Roberta : Gary, you're not listening to me. I'm not a prostitute or a lesbian.

  Gary : We'll get professional help. I don't care how much it costs. The important thing is, I want you to come home with me.

  Roberta : Why?

  Gary : Why? What do you mean, why?

  Roberta : I mean, why do you want me to come home with you, Gary?

  Gary : [holds up hands]  Come on, don't get excited, all right? Don't get excited. What, are you on drugs or something now?

  Roberta : God.

  [covers her face with her hands] 

  Roberta : Look at me.

  Gary : I looked at you. You look ridiculous.

  Roberta : I mean, look at me, Gary. Look at me.

  [when he does] 

  Roberta : I'm not coming home with you.

  Gary : You're just tired.

  [she smiles slightly and shakes her head] 

  Gary : Why don't you get changed and we'll talk about it at home, all right?

  [holds out his hand] 

  Gary : Come on. Come on.

  [she doesn't] 

  Gary : Fine. That's fine. I'm gonna go outside and I'll wait for five minutes. And if you're not there, I'm gonna leave without you.

  Roberta : Goodbye, Gary.

• Gary : I can't stay for dinner. Some guy from West Germany has got 1500 tubs on a a boat he can't get through Customs. I gotta go have dinner with him in town. It just happened. I'm sorry. You forgive me?

• Gary : They seem to think she's having an affair.

  Leslie : Oh, my God! Maybe she is.

  Gary : That's ridiculous. Roberta is not having an affair! She's much too uptight.

  Leslie : That is a horrible thing to say! I suppose you're proud of the way you're running around with Becky Shuman.

  Gary : I didn't know you knew about Becky. Anyway, we're not running around! We're having a perfectly respectable affair.

• Leslie : Does Roberta have orgasms? I mean, did she have orgasms with you?

  Gary : What? Orgasms?

  Leslie : You have heard of them, haven't you? I mean, maybe the reason she left you was because you weren't satisfying her?

  Gary : Leslie! Not everybody is obsessed with orgasms!

• Susan : "How to Be Your Own Best Friend," "I'm OK, You're OK," "Dr. Ruth's Guide to Good Sex." These Roberta's too?

  Gary : I didn't know she read this stuff.

• Susan : You know, I could get used to a place like this. Got any pot?

  Gary : Pot? Um - Usually I keep some around; but, right now I'm out. You know how it is.

  Susan : [pulls a joint out of her boot]  How about a match?

• Gary : [smoking a joint]  There are--things happening in solar systems so far away that we can't even see them. I mean, what do--what do--what do they care--what do they care if I am the Spa King of New Jersey?

• Sgt. Taskal : Mr. Glass, somebody paid your wife's bail a little while ago and she was released. You just missed her.

  Gary : Who paid her bail?

  Sgt. Taskal : Boyfriend? Pimp? Who knows?

  Gary : Pimp?