- [MacGyver's answering machine message]
- MacGyver: Hi, this is MacGyver. We all know how these things work, so when you hear the beep, go for it.
- MacGyver: A paperclip can be a wondrous thing. More times than I can remember, one of these has gotten me out of a tight spot.
- Pete: His name is MacGyver. He can fix anything. He could fix a computer with a hairpin and a piece of duct tape.
- MacGyver: For the past seven years I have done nothing but travel around the world getting shot up, locked up, blown up... and all I have to show for it are a couple of empty rolls of duct tape.
- MacGyver: Egg whites are good for a lot of things - lemon meringue pie, angel food cake, and clogging up radiators.
- MacGyver: I'm not gonna take it in the back, and I'm not gonna take it laying down, so you're just gonna have to shoot me face to face. I can't believe I said that...
- MacGyver: You guys are missing out on a good deal if you kill me. See, I'm kind of an expert with just about everything.
- MacGyver: When James Bond gets an assignment, he probably ends up on the Riviera, up to his 007's in bikinis. Me? I end up 80 miles past nowhere.
- Pete: Remember what I said about being friends? That still goes. Friends stand by each other, through everything. I'm your friend.
- Pete: I know that look - I've never been able to figure out how your mind works, but I know when it works.
- Pete: [Pete and Mac have been kidnapped by a "woman"] That lady is a top-level, world-class assassin named Murdoc.
- [MacGyver is waving a large, black plastic spider at Pete Thornton]
- MacGyver: Pete, you have no taste.