Smokey and the Bandit Part 3 (1983)

Jackie Gleason: Buford T. Justice

Photos 

Quotes 

• [Buford walks up to Bandit's car, but in his mind, he sees "The Real Bandit" - Burt Reynolds - behind the wheel] 

  Buford T. Justice : I gotcha!

  The Real Bandit : [looks up and smiles]  Hello, Buford. Well, you caught me with my pants down.

  Buford T. Justice : [taken aback]  I did?

  The Real Bandit : It's a... figure of speech.

  Buford T. Justice : I gotcha!

  The Real Bandit : Yeah. It's over for the ol' Bandit.

  Buford T. Justice : Yeah, you're gone.

  The Real Bandit : It's gone. Buford?

  Buford T. Justice : Yes?

  The Real Bandit : I just wanna say one last thing before you... haul me off in the cuffs.

  Buford T. Justice : Go right ahead.

  The Real Bandit : There's kind of a... a kindred spirit we have, you know what I mean?

  Buford T. Justice : Yeah, I think I feel the same way.

  The Real Bandit : No, I mean, it's special. I can almost read your thoughts.

  Buford T. Justice : Is that so?

  The Real Bandit : Yeah.

  Buford T. Justice : What am I thinking now?

  The Real Bandit : You're thinking right now that possibly you... no sense in sending me off to prison where I'd lose all my friends and everything. I mean, you could give a five-minute head-start and chase after me...

  Buford T. Justice : Oh, no. I'm sorry. I'm a law-and-order man. I gotcha and I'm gonna keep ya.

  The Real Bandit : Yeah, you're right. I was silly to even think that. You're too tough for that.

  Buford T. Justice : That's right.

  Buford T. Justice : I'm upright, straightforward...

  [Buford begins having flashbacks to the beginnings of his miserable retirement and realizes he's nothing without the Bandit to chase] 

  Buford T. Justice : ...I'll give you a five-minute head-start.

  The Real Bandit : [smiles]  Bye-bye!

  [the Bandit's car pulls away quickly] 

• Junior : Daddy, my face is all white.

  Buford T. Justice : Well, put a little lipstick on, I'll drop you off at a gay bar.

• Buford T. Justice : Gimme the good old days when a pair of boobs were a couple of dumb guys.

• Buford T. Justice : [sees the girl's breasts]  Oof!

  Girl at Picnic : What's wrong, Sheriff?

  Buford T. Justice : I haven't seen anything like that since I was a little baby.

• Buford T. Justice : Follow that sum bitch.

• Nudist Female : If you want to stay, Sheriff, you've got to take your clothes off.

  Buford T. Justice : I don't even take my clothes off in front of my good wife, Wilhelmina.

  Nudists : Awwwww.

• Buford T. Justice : I've said it before and I'll say it again. There is no way, no way that you could come from my loins. Soon as we get home, I'm gonna put a lump on your mama's head.

• Little Enos : I'd like to kick your ass.

  Buford T. Justice : You can't kick that high, cricket crotch.

• [yelling at Junior] 

  Buford T. Justice : Will you get away from me you shit?

• Buford T. Justice : Junior, retirement is cat shit.

• Buford T. Justice : That is why you gotta have a sixth sense.

  Junior : I'd rather have a dime.

• [talking about Junior] 

  Buford T. Justice : He's dumb... but a loveable shit.

• Junior : Does this mean I won't be your little tick turd anymore?

  Buford T. Justice : Son, you'll always be my tick turd.

• Junior : Did you ever join the Klan, Daddy?

  Buford T. Justice : No chance. But your momma did. When she put on her sheet, she looked like an iceberg with feet."

• Junior : Gee Daddy this is just like being at the beach.

  Buford T. Justice : It's only a minor complication. Nothing is gonna stop me from catching that big pile of dragon dump, and when I do I'm gonna marinate his walnuts. Get out and dust off the car.

• Little Enos : Now then, Sheriff, be careful with the badge. It's going to make a beautiful belt buckle for me.

  Buford T. Justice : If you get my badge... it's going to be a seven-pointed suppository.