Whoops Apocalypse (1982)

John Cleese: Lacrobat

Photos 

Quotes 

• [on tape we see Lacrobat disguised as a Swedish man holding an Abba album] 

  Lacrobat : Good day, my name's Olaf Jokkmokk and I am Swedish. Oh dear, I've dropped the keys to my volvo! I represent a firm of dentists, and I first came into contact with Lacrobat last year, to inquire about an estimate for the liquidation of John McEnroe. Since then, he has wiped out five entire chains of rival dentists. That is why I always vouch for Lacrobat.

• Lacrobat : Governments toppled, plants installed, or for that very special assassination; why not use Lacrobat?

• Lacrobat : Lacrobat, also known as the devil. He's called the man of a thousand faces, and I personally recommend number six hundred and four.

• [Lacrobat has the Quark Bomb disguised as a giant penis on his car] 

  Lacrobat : Oh, no sir, this isn't pornography.

  Motorcycle cop : It sure ain't a tootsy roll!

• Greek official : So, you say you bury celebrities?

  Lacrobat : Oui.

  Greek official : Then why's this casket so large?

  [pause] 

  Lacrobat : It was a double act.

• [Lacrobat has the Quark bomb in a casket] 

  Lacrobat : [in fake French accent]  Open that box, and be damned for all eternity!

  Greek official : I'm sorry, but I have to search it, Mr ...

  Lacrobat : Floyjoy. Montgomery Hindenberg Floyjoy, undertaker for the stars. Mr. Bob Hope has my on a retail. My card.

  Greek official : [reads]  All the world's a grave, and all the men and women merely stiffs.