Don Knotts credited as playing...
Inspector Winship
- Inspector Winship: You know, I have an idea: whoever wrote that letter must have read about us in the newspaper.
- Dr. Tart: What is it?
- Inspector Winship: What's what?
- Dr. Tart: The idea you have?
- Inspector Winship: I just told you!
- Dr. Tart: What was it?
- Inspector Winship: Whoever wrote that letter must have read about us in the newspaper!
- Dr. Tart: Right. Now that letter was signed 'Lord Morley'. So he must have read about us in the newspaper and called us in to solve his murder.
- Inspector Winship: How could Lord Morley write us after he was already dead?
- Dr. Tart: Right. You know what? Maybe whoever killed Lord Morley wrote that letter.
- Inspector Winship: If you killed Lord Morley, would you write and ask someone to find the killer?
- Dr. Tart: Are you saying *I* killed Lord Morley?
- Inspector Winship: [aggravated] No, I'm saying you kill me!
- Justin: [introducing Mistress Phyllis to the detectives] These two gentlemen are here to see you; this is Inspector Winship and this is Dr. Tart. They were in the yard.
- Inspector Winship: [correcting him] *From* the Yard.
- Dr. Tart: [after a pigeon gets shot] You know what I think? I think there's someone here who doesn't want anyone to know that there's someone here who might be someone that's a killer.
- Inspector Winship: You know what I think? For a short person, you have long sentences.
- Inspector Winship: This isn't one of your better inventions. Who ever heard of a gun that went off every hour?
- Dr. Tart: Might save your life someday.
- Inspector Winship: Yeah, if you have to shoot someone every hour.
- Inspector Winship: You better get a pigeon in case we have to contact the Yard.
- Dr. Tart: Right. I'm gonna take Judy. Harold's been a little under the weather lately; stool's been a little loose.
- Inspector Winship: That's too bad. I'll have to put a "Get Well" card on the bottom of his cage.
- Mr. Uwatsum: How about a nice bowl of fish eyes?
- Inspector Winship: [sickened] Uh, will you pardon me, please?
- Mr. Uwatsum: Ah... Do you like hummingbird cookies?
- Dr. Tart: No... thank you.
- [the staff are introducing themselves to Winship and Tart]
- Jock: [in a slurred and garbled speech] My name is Jock. I'm the groom. I was under Lord Morley's command in India. He had my tongue cut out...
- Inspector Winship: Just a second. What did you say?
- Dr. Tart: He said,
- [imitating Jock's speech, only more garbled]
- Dr. Tart: He said that his name is Jock. He was under Lord Morley's command...
- Inspector Winship: Will you shut up?
- Dr. Tart: [still imitating Jock's speech] That's what he said!
- Dr. Tart: [the detectives are driving up to the manor] Boy-oh-boy-oh-boy-oh-boy-oh-boy-oh-boy-oh-boy-oh-boy-oh-boy-oh-boy-oh-boy-oh-boy, look at that house. Boy, that's bigger than that hometown I grew up in.
- Inspector Winship: Don't remind me. If it hadn't been for your hair-brained inventions, we wouldn't have had to leave the states.
- Nanny: [about Lord Morley] He claimed to have the power to return from the dead.
- Dr. Tart: They say that Wookalars have the power to return from the dead, too, and they only have a brain the size of a pea.
- Inspector Winship: In that case, you'd have a tough time getting into the group.
- Gas Station Attendant: [to Dr. Tart] Oh say, do you know you got stuff all over your face?
- Dr. Tart: Huh?
- Gas Station Attendant: You got stuff all over your face.
- Inspector Winship: He's oiling his brain.