Cheech and Chong's Next Movie (1980)

Tommy Chong: Chong

Photos 

Quotes 

• Cheech : [seeing a jar with a yellowish fluid inside]  Hey, it's about time man. Hey, what do you got man? Give me some.

  Chong : What?

  Cheech : Give me a drink, man. C'mon man, give me a drink!

  Chong : [Points to jar]  Of this?

  Cheech : Yeah!

  Chong : Go ahead man, help yourself!

  Cheech : Wait a minute

  [Sniffs the Jar] 

  Cheech : Hey man, that's pee!

  Chong : No kidding.

  Cheech : What are you doing with pee?

  Chong : It's for my probation officer.

  Cheech : Why, does he drink pee?

  Chong : No man, last week I was supposed to bring some in, you know? and I forgot the wash the jar out first. so they see all that mayonnaise floating around in there, and they think I'm on some kind of weird drug again!

  Cheech : [laughing]  Alright!

  Chong : And I'm really going to fuck with his mind this time.

  Cheech : Why, what'd you do?

  Chong : I had my sister pee in it.

  Cheech : Yeah?

  Chong : Yeah, and she's pregnant man!

• [after shifting gasoline that has spilt on their clothes, Chong tries to light a joint] 

  Chong : You got a light, man?

  Chong : Huh, oh yeah, here

  [hands him a lighter] 

  Chong : Hey I don't think you better light it in here, man.

  Chong : Why?

  Cheech : Ah, these gas fumes, man.

  Chong : Oh man.

  [flicks the lighter] 

  Cheech : I don't know.

  [the inside of the car explodes] 

• Chong : I dig it, man. It's good. But you know, while you were singing that, I came up with another song, man.

  Cheech : Oh, yeah?

  Chong : Yeah. It's like the same thing, only different.

• Cheech : Want me to teach you some Spanish, man?

  Chong : Okay.

  Cheech : When you see a friend, you say, hey, how's it going, pendejo?

  Chong : Hey, how's it going, pendecko?

  Cheech : ...yeah, that's close enough.

  Chong : What does that mean, man?

  Cheech : Oh, it means my really good friend.

  Chong : How's it going, pend... Pen... how was that, again?

  Cheech : Pendejo.

  Chong : Pendecko.

• Dwayne 'Red' Mendoza : Cheech! Hey, you old pile of horse shit! How are you? God damn, you got ugly! How ya doing, man?

  Chong : Good, man.

  Dwayne 'Red' Mendoza : I haven't seen you in ten years, man!

  Chong : I'm not Cheech, man.

  Dwayne 'Red' Mendoza : What?

  Chong : I'm Cheech's friend Chong.

  Dwayne 'Red' Mendoza : Oh, hey, Ching! Good to meet you!

• Pee-wee Herman : Hey, you guys look a little familiar to me!

  Dwayne 'Red' Mendoza : Hey, you smell kinda familiar.

  Pee-wee Herman : Ha, ha, ha. I'm the comedian. I'll tell the jokes, if you don't mind! If you think it's so easy, why don't you come up here and do it?

  Gloria's Mom : Yeah, go up there and tell a joke!

  Pee-wee Herman : That's right! You come up here and do it!

  Dwayne 'Red' Mendoza : Okay!

  Chong : Yeah, man!

  Pee-wee Herman : Fuck this. I'm going somewhere else. Hey, hey, here!

  [gives Red the finger and storms off] 

• Chong : You're driving like an idiot, man.

  Cheech : I just can't get used to these automatics, man.

  Chong : Yeah, they are real complicated, aren't they?

• [Cheech's boss's van has been stolen from Cheech and Chong's driveway] 

  Chong : Tell him that you need the van to take out his daughter.

  Cheech : I don't want to take out his daughter!

  Chong : Yeah, but he'll be so worried about his daughter he'll forget all about the van.

• Cheech : I'm gonna be late for work again! That's the fifth time this week and it's only Tuesday, man!

  Chong : Why don't you quit that lame job, man?

  Cheech : Hey man, I wish I could, man. 'Cept if I quit, that whole place would fall apart without me. I'm needed there, man. Responsibility is a heavy responsibility, man. Hey I got it! Why don't you get a job, man?

  [Chong gives him a look] 

  Cheech : Hey, I'm serious, man! I've had a job for over six weeks now, man!

  Chong : Hey listen, man, I already got a job.

  Cheech : Yeah, what's your job, man? Rollin' dope?

  Chong : Yeah. At least it's steady work, man.

  Cheech : Yeah, it's something you're good at, man. Hey, I'm serious, you're supposed to be selling that dope, not smoking it, man! We haven't even paid for it yet.

  Chong : I'm selling it.

  Cheech : [sarcastically]  Yeah, you're selling it, man.

  Chong : Hey man, I sold two lids last night. How's that, man?

  Cheech : Oh yeah? All right, Holmes! Who'd you sell them to?

  Chong : Me.

  Cheech : Oh man, shit man! We're gonna starve to death, man!

  Chong : No, not with me. I'm a good customer!

  Cheech : Oh, man. God dog!

  Chong : Hey, no, I did, man. I got a thing. You know what I'm going to do?

  Cheech : What?

  Chong : I figure it this way: dope's gonna be legal in a few years, okay?

  Cheech : Yeah.

  Chong : Then...

  [awkward pause] 

  Chong : like, then I'll be... y'know, it'll be a legitimate job. And all these other dudes who aren't ready for it, they won't know how to do it. Then, like, I'll have a job, man. I'll have a job.

  Cheech : Yeah, yeah. That's good thinking, man. Shit. If you had another brain, it'd die of loneliness, man.

• Cheech : Donna's coming over, man.

  Chong : Who?

  Cheech : Donna! Donna! Get outta here, man!

  Chong : Who?

  Cheech : Donna! You know, from the welfare office, man? With the cha-cha-bingos, man?

  Chong : Well, so what?

  Cheech : Well she's coming over, so I gotta clean up this place. So can you leave?

  Chong : I got nowhere to go!

  Cheech : Well, go see a movie or something, man! There's not a biker movie or Gidget's Gaga Gets Gooey or something that's not playing down at the drive-in or something?