Animalympics (1980)

Billy Crystal: Rugs Turkell, Joey Gongolong, Art Antica

Quotes 

• Rugs Turkell : I'm Rugs Turkell and I'll be bringing you me...

• [the boxing event is about to start. Turkell has Joey Gongolong, a kangaroo with similarities to Muhammad Ali, for an interview] 

  Rugs Turkell : With me, one of the greatest fighters of this or any other time, Joey Gongolong.

  [to Gongolong, who's sparring with the camera] 

  Rugs Turkell : Champ, shortly you'll be facing the toughest challenge of your long and, I might add, controversial fighting career: the Eurasian, Janos Brushteckel. Champ, take a look at the monitor and feel free, as I'm sure you do, to comment.

  [Brushteckel, a bull, appears on screen, already looking dazed] 

  Joey Gongolong : That face is almost as ugly as yours, Rugs. He's too *ugly* to be champ!

  Rugs Turkell : [as a shot of Brushteckel in training appears]  True enough. But I've seen that vicious left hook of his, and Champ, you'd better stop fooling around, and take this challenger seriously.

  Joey Gongolong : Why you talkin' 'bout takin' me seriously? I did everythin' I could t'get ready for this fight.

  [a flashback to Gongolong's training ensues as he describes it in voiceover] 

  Joey Gongolong : The up 'n down on the hardwood floors... didn't eat no meat, it lays in your stomach, makes ya fat and lazy and heavy.

  [grimaces at the single pea he's been served instead] 

  Joey Gongolong : Everytime in my career, you're on my back! I've trained hard for this Bussmeckel, Bussbeckel, Bussteckel - I can't even pronounce his name, that's why I'm gonna whip him so bad, he's gonna *look* like his last name *sounds*.

  [the flashback ripples back to the interview] 

  Joey Gongolong : I'm the greatest animal champion *of all time!*