Peter Riegert: Donald Schoenstein

National Lampoon's Animal House

Donald Schoenstein

Bluto: Hey! What's all this laying around shit?
Stork: What the hell are we supposed to do, ya moron?
D-Day: [to Bluto] War's over, man. Wormer dropped the big one.
Bluto: What? Over? Did you say "over"? Nothing is over until we decide it is! Was it over when the Germans bombed Pearl Harbor? Hell no!
Otter: [to Boon] Germans?
Boon: Forget it, he's rolling.
Bluto: And it ain't over now. 'Cause when the goin' gets tough...
[thinks hard of something to say]
Bluto: The tough get goin'! Who's with me? Let's go!
[Bluto runs out, alone; then returns]
Bluto: What the fuck happened to the Delta I used to know? Where's the spirit? Where's the guts, huh? This could be the greatest night of our lives, but you're gonna let it be the worst. "Ooh, we're afraid to go with you Bluto, we might get in trouble." Well just kiss my ass from now on! Not me! I'm not gonna take this. Wormer, he's a dead man! Marmalard, dead! Niedermeyer...
Otter: Dead! Bluto's right. Psychotic... but absolutely right. We gotta take these bastards. Now we could do it with conventional weapons, but that could take years and cost millions of lives. No, I think we have to go all out. I think that this situation absolutely requires a really futile and stupid gesture be done on somebody's part!
Bluto: We're just the guys to do it.
D-Day: [stands up]
Boon: [stands up] Let's do it.
Bluto: [shouting] "Let's do it"!
[all of the Deltas stand up and run out with Bluto]

Hoover: We're in trouble. I just checked with the guys at the Jewish house and they said that every one of our answers on the psych test was wrong.
Boon: Every one?
[looks at Bluto and D-Day]
Boon: Those assholes must have stolen the wrong fucking exam!

Boon: I want you to fix Pinto up, but it's got to be a very special girl.
Pinto: Look, you don't have to...
Boon: Now, she should be good-looking, but we're willing to trade looks for a certain... morally casual attitude.
Katy: You mean you want someone he can screw on the first date.
Boon: Well put. You see, Pinto's never been laid.
Pinto: Hey!
Boon: What'd I say?

Boon: It's not gonna be an orgy! It's a toga party.
Katy: Honestly, Boon, you're 21-years old. In six months you're going to graduate, and tomorrow night you're going to wrap yourself in a bed sheet and pour grain alcohol all over your head. It's cute, but I think I'll pass this time.
Boon: Want me to go alone?
Katy: Baby, I don't want you to go at all.
Boon: It's a fraternity party, I'm in the fraternity. How can I miss it?
Katy: I'll write you a note. I'll say you're too well to attend.

Otter: Point of parliamentary procedure!
Hoover: Don't screw around, they're serious this time!
Otter: Take it easy, I'm pre-law.
Boon: I thought you were pre-med.
Otter: What's the difference?
[Addressing the room]
Otter: Ladies and gentlemen, I'll be brief. The issue here is not whether we broke a few rules, or took a few liberties with our female party guests - we did.
[winks at Dean Wormer]
Otter: But you can't hold a whole fraternity responsible for the behavior of a few, sick twisted individuals. For if you do, then shouldn't we blame the whole fraternity system? And if the whole fraternity system is guilty, then isn't this an indictment of our educational institutions in general? I put it to you, Greg - isn't this an indictment of our entire American society? Well, you can do whatever you want to us, but we're not going to sit here and listen to you badmouth the United States of America. Gentlemen!
[Leads the Deltas out of the hearing, all humming the Star-Spangled Banner]

Hoover: Kent is a legacy, Otter. His brother was a '59, Fred Dorfman.
Flounder: He said legacies usually get asked to pledge automatically.
Otter: Oh, well, usually. Unless the pledge in question turns out to be a real closet-case.
Otter, Boon: Like Fred.

Boon: I gotta work on my game.
Otter: No, no, no, don't think of it as work. The whole point is just to enjoy yourself.

Boon: [At the bar in the Negro Dexter Lake Club, Boon turns to face the band] Otis, my man!
[Otis pauses singing for a second and peers incredulously at Boon]

Boon: Where are you going? We just got here.
Katy: No, Boon, you just got here. I've been downstairs for an hour entertaining some kid from Pig's Knuckle, Arkansas.
Boon: Umm - maybe we could drive up to your folks' place this weekend.
Katy: Oh, fabulous. My car filled with your beer buddies going up to empty my parents' liquor cabinet. It's too depressing to think about.
Boon: No! Just gonna be you and me. And Otter and another girl.
Katy: Is this really what you're gonna do for the rest of your life?
Boon: What do you mean?
Katy: I mean hanging around with a bunch of animals getting drunk every weekend.
Boon: No! After I graduate, I'm gonna get drunk every night.